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(17 Posts)
JoJoManon Fri 05-Apr-13 13:54:20

I wonder can anyone reassure me..I have just found out I'm pregnant for the first time, LMP 23 Feb. However, I seem to have developed this acute fear that I am going to have a miscarriage, to the extent that my DH and I are terrified to even discuss it as we are convinced it's all going to end badly. I basically got pregnant the first month of trying and we feel like it's just too good to be true and it's all going to come crashing down around us especially as so many of my friends have miscarried and you hear all these stats about being over 35 etc (I am 38). Is it normal to feel this way or is it just me?

MildredH Fri 05-Apr-13 14:05:07

Jojo- firstly many congratulations!

Secondly, it's entirely normal to be anxious. I think this is partly self-preservation.

Allow yourself to be happy ( I'm assuming you are!) and then my advice is to proceed cautiously through the next two months.. Miscarriage is a possibility but so is an entirely healthy pregnancy.. There's no way to predict or to change the course of what will be..

Come over and join the December antenatal thread..! ( I think your EDD will just squeak into Dec?)

gertrudestein Fri 05-Apr-13 14:06:35

I think it's completely normal, so try not to worry. The first few weeks are very anxious. Try to relax if you can - be kind to yourself, don't try to do as much as usual, make sure you get plenty of rest, and eat or drink well.

I felt exactly the same as you. The way I got my head round it in the end was by thinking, 'if something goes wrong I will be heartbroken, whether or not I allow myself to relax and enjoy this part of pregnancy now. So I might as well try to relax as much as possible.'

My DH was the same as yours. I think it's very difficult for men - it's not a physical reality to him yet.

But rest assured it's totally normal and try not to worry.

toffeelolly Fri 05-Apr-13 14:08:40

Great new"s try not to worry and enjoy being pregant. Miss's are common i myself had 2 before had my 2 ds and 1 dd. Think everybody does worry but as long had everything is good try and relax. I also did not tell anyone to i was 14 week's. But good luck hope everything work's out good wink

Lj8893 Fri 05-Apr-13 14:12:10

Congratulations!!

I felt exactly the same way, I told all my close family and my work colleagues and then felt really guilty when they would all talk to me about I because I was certain there was no baby anymore! How weird is that?!

I had had some light bleeding an was convinced that was a miscarriage and when I had my scan It would be confirmed. I was adamant I wasent going to see a heartbeat at my scan.

However I've just had my first scan and there was the good, strong heartbeat and I'm 10 and a half weeks!

It has relaxed me a lot but I'm still abit anxious!

janey1234 Fri 05-Apr-13 14:20:54

Congratulations jojo!

I know NOTHING will put your mind at rest, but just to let you know, I am 38, got pregnant on the second month of trying, and am nearly 27 weeks. So far a dream pregnancy with no illness, no morning symptoms, have felt bloody well all along.

I was a nervous week until the 12 week scan, I think it's natural. But since then I have relaxed a lot, and I know time will feel like it's stopped, but it does go kind of back to normal past that all important first scan.

Remember that yes, we are marginally more likely to have a miscarriage than someone a decade younger than us. However, the odds are still massively in your favour that you won't have a miscarriage and all will be fine.

If you want some support, we've got a group of 'elderberries' in the antenatal thread - all over 30 and medically "elderly primagravada" (hence the thread name). Come say hi if you like.

MamaBlue4 Fri 05-Apr-13 14:23:26

My LMP was 24th and I'm around the 5+ mark. Due Dec 3rd. Welcome to the club and congrats! smile

Alexandra6 Fri 05-Apr-13 16:45:59

Ah congrats jojo I'm only 6 weeks and have been suffering with bad anxiety and worry about mc too. Took me quite a bit longer to get my BFP but was my first month on a drug called clomid and the stats weren't great so I keep getting that feeling of it being too good to be true! DH is very positive about it (or at least pretending he is) and he tries to stop me googling as that can really freak me out (I've had to ask him to take my ipad away in the past!) Just last night I found myself googling stats about a uterine abnormality I have for the hundredth time - am really going to have to be strict with myself.

I love what someone said above about relaxing and enjoying it now, as how you feel now won't affect the outcome. I like to think that every day that goes by, the pregnancy is stronger and my chances are even better. Good luck smile

Saundy Fri 05-Apr-13 17:06:36

Congratulations!

I read a statistic that I thought you may like which is that the longer it takes to conceive the greater the chance of mc, so falling so soon is actually good news.

Good luck with it all & enjoy the ride smile

Msbluesky32 Fri 05-Apr-13 17:10:28

Congratulations! Same thing happened to us. We were told it might be tricky (I've had PCOS for a few years) but first time we tried bingo! As others have said you can allow yourself to be happy, it's ok. It might take a while to sink in and take the first few months as they come. I'm 39 +4 now and eagerly awaiting our little ones arrival smile If you still feel fearful after 20 weeks or so you could try something like hypnobirthing or natal hypnotherapy to release all the negative thoughts you have. We've done a course in hypnobirthing (my fears were connected to the possibility of serious interventions) and I can thoroughly recommend it.
Best of luck and congratulations again!

birdofthenorth Fri 05-Apr-13 17:17:58

Yes most people I know who got pregnant the first month if trying (four different couples, different ages) all went on to have uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy babies -there are no guarantees but I think it is a good indicator of reproductive health.

I have has two miscarriages and wouldn't wish them on anyone but they are usually random occurrences that cannot be predicted and about which you can do nothing, so do try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. My successful pregnancies have had nothing to distinguish them from those I lost... all you can do is take one day at a time. And God forbid the worst should happen at least you that fingers crossed you should be able to conceive again without years of trying.

Huge congratulations and very best of luck smile

Guitargirl Fri 05-Apr-13 17:27:50

I got pregnant first month of trying with both of our DCs - both uncomplicated pregnancies. I was also extremely worried about miscarriage and had some light spotting early on with both. Congratulations! You will probably feel more relaxed after having a scan, if you feel anxious you could always go for a private early scan.

Runswithsquirrels Fri 05-Apr-13 17:31:29

Congratulations! I am 36 and this is my first. I was exactly the same - I burst into tears at my 12 week scan because there was a heartbeat! On week 27 now. Was similarly paranoid and alarmed at any sign (including spotting which is normal) but here I am! Try and enjoy it! X

showtunesgirl Fri 05-Apr-13 17:42:41

Congrats OP!

I don't people ever really talk about the headfuck of falling pregnant straightaway. This happened to me too, came off Pill, POAS 5 weeks later and it was positive!

I think we just hear about problems so often that we don't know what to do if it happens so soon. I was pretty shellshocked when I found out and it was planned.

JoJoManon Sun 07-Apr-13 18:30:44

Thank you all. I really am so excited and the longer it goes on, the more confident I feel, even if my DH is alarmed that I have had no morning sickness, and the only symptom I've had is sore boobs.
I'll keep you all posted and thank you all for your words of encouragement. As we've not told anyone yet (waiting til after 12 weeks) it feels nice to be able to share with other people!

showtunesgirl Sun 07-Apr-13 18:50:02

OP, I didn't any morning sickness until about week 6/7 so you might have it to look forward to.

I too had very sore boobs and then the MS came on a few weeks later.

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat Sun 07-Apr-13 20:30:56

Congratulations!

I was very nervous as well, I just didn't believe something so wonderful could happen to me to the extent I was actually sick with nerves waiting for my 12 week scan. I really didn't think there would be anything on the scan, but all was fine.

I don't think anybody can say anything to make you not worry, but I just wanted to assure you that I was quite late developing symptoms - no morning sickness till nearly 9 weeks. No other symptoms either- breasts weren't really sore, didn't really grow a lot, heartburn came much later, but I am 21 weeks now and slowly getting more confident.

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