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Pregnant (IVF) Worriers

(1000 Posts)
Dildals Sun 31-Mar-13 16:46:22

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

MarianaTrench Mon 20-May-13 20:38:49

Gah! I'm mentalling now but I think you get fixed in a certain role by families that you can never ever change. It's utterly infuriating.

putthecrispsDOWN Mon 20-May-13 21:43:58

Raw nerve indeedy. FIL often comment that we spend too much on dd/days out/holidays etc. as opposed to the lager, weed and betting slips that they like to buy instead of going anywhere with there kids. (judgy pants firmly on) Mil was the first to laugh and say 'ha, how will you cope with three?'. Lovely papershop bitchlady even said about how it was a good job I'd lost one Dd and only had one left as we wouldn't have coped with two. Havent been in the shop in three years. Bloody people!

putthecrispsDOWN Mon 20-May-13 21:44:38

*their kids. Sorry, must have made a typo, am usually a grammar pedant!

ExpatAl Mon 20-May-13 21:55:02

Crisps, unbeliveable comment by papershop lady. Awful. Stupid woman.

Totally Mariana. I don't expect parenting to be 100% rosy just because I've lost a baby but people should sometimes really engage brain.

Shazzamattazzerly Tue 21-May-13 08:21:28

Oh ladies you are marvellous, inspiring and generally all round You all remind me that if I'm the black sheep in my family, im not alone thank God and i thank you for that. I'm horrified at these comments.

Crisps how can the paper shop lady sleep at night? I'm sorry that you had to hear such ignorance. That is a truly awful comment. And your in laws don't sound very helpful with those opinions.

Mariana I'm sorry if I inadvertently unearthed a sore spot in you too. BIL sounds incredibly insensitive your comeback was spectacular. It was a shame that you even had to go there. Thanks for the pillow tip. You are right about adding the word maternity and with it a few £s.

Expat thank you for the kind words. I certainly hope that I am not going to be expected to wash my face in soap and cold water from now on! I heard from a friend that a mutual friend who has just given birth and doesn't know I'm pregnant yet, told him that I would never cope with having a child cause she was at least already lazy and abit dirty and used to not washing every day and not cleaning her house. I will never cope with that apparently.

I slept with a pillow next to me and was more comfortable so I'm definitely going to get a bolster. I'm disillusioned with work and commuting at the moment and am fuelling my argument for escaping the rat race for a more civilised life.

Have a good day ladies.


ExpatAl Tue 21-May-13 08:38:58

Shazza, I've got to say that it might be helpful if people stopped reporting these comments back to you! The last comment was perhaps a back handed compliment?

I've been in the office 5 minutes and want to sleep already. Hope you have a good day all.

GinSoaked Tue 21-May-13 09:18:18

I'm not even in the office yet, still on the way in, and want to sleep! Also feeling a bit sicky.

Am horrified by the comments. I thought smug parentitis might stop when we actually get diffed or have kids. I think you will make/are wonderful mothers, so ignore them all! The thing I hate is that people assume we've put off having kids to live our crazy London lifestyle and it's cos we put it off that we struggled to conceive, when in fact we've been trying to have them for years and age has nothing to do with it. People just shouldn't make assumptions about others!

On a different note, is anyone doing/done/booked any nct classes? I'm looking at the brixton/streatham/dulwich branch ones. They are v expensive, but a good way to meet local mums?!

Dildals Tue 21-May-13 09:44:44

Bloody hell! I CANNOT believe all the comments I have been reading! Paper shop lady ... Shazza's SIL ... I am now starting to wonder what everyone is saying behind my back! (I am known for not being too keen on (other people's) kids :-)) My mum or family haven't made any comments like that at all, whereas usually my dad's the one who likes to stick his oar in (when I told him I was getting married, he deadpan asked me whether I not thought that was a bit too quick, and whether it was wise to commit, I was 36 for crying out loud! Then he also asked me whether I was going to get married in a white dress ... seriously ... no, I am going to wear a placard saying 'not a virgin anymore' dad. Thing is, he even doesn't mean to be mean, it just comes out!)

ginsoaked I signed up for those, same branch. This sparked a discussion on the thread. I signed up for them not really thinking about it tbh, because 'everyone' told me I should sign up, so I just sort of did. Others are taking advantage of the NHS hospital classes (I found the leaflet at the back of my notes) or not doing antenatal classes at all and relying on playgroups etc.

MarianaTrench Tue 21-May-13 09:51:28

Gin yes I think people thought that of us when the whole time we were ttc and failing.

shaz, take it as a compliment! It is possible to be both clean and tidy in both home and person with a baby. Some days it may take a while to get there but that doesn't matter. We were all washed and dressed by 8 this morning, mind you I've been awake since 5am so not that impressive.

My top tip for maintaining a bit of glamour in your life when skint because of maternity leave, is to buy all your nappies and baby things from Boots, collect points (join their parents club for extra points) then use the points to treat yourself. I buy cheaper skin care and make up than I did when I worked full time but there are some great mid range products out there so now I don't really miss the pricey ones I used to buy. Also there are always offers on so you can stock up.

putthecrispsDOWN Tue 21-May-13 19:57:51

Papershoplady is just a bit of a nosy old cow who kind of meant well. It didn't stop me hating her for a while now! Finding being pregnant with twins again quite difficult, am expecting lots of people to say 'twins, again?!' and do a hmm face. And then ask if they were natural twins. Last time so many people asked how they were conceived that I started saying 'well, Mr Crisps and I were feeling a bit fruity in the KFC drive through one night...' and see what their reaction is!

buzzybee123 Tue 21-May-13 20:47:46

evening ladies, crisps has pointed me to this thread and I recognise the odd name on here

I have just got my BFP on my first round of DEIVF overseas, very early stages, I have had miscarriages in the past so just taking it one hurdle at a time.

I have to admit i'm a bit shock at some of the comments made to you ladies about how you are going cope, quite frankly I'd give some of them a poke in the eye, clearly some of these people have esteem/insecurity issues going on, if someone said to me 'how will you cope' I'd be likely to comment 'well as I'm a capable organised person with fantastic time management skills obviously much better than you, but I'm a bit of a cow like that grin

crisp grin at your KFC comment

putthecrispsDOWN Tue 21-May-13 20:49:33

Welcome buzzy!!! Very nice to have you over here! Let the mentalling begin! How many weeks/days are you? (I'm still counting in days too!) X

buzzybee123 Tue 21-May-13 20:58:21

crisps I am 4 weeks and 1 day, still no real symptoms, other than a bit of dizziness, boobs are hardly sore hmm I am seeing my immune specialist tomorrow, Occ health on Thursday and GP on Friday, i'm trying to get a blood test and scan booked

Shazzamattazzerly Tue 21-May-13 21:04:16

Evening lovely ladies

Welcome buzzy and many congratulations. I'm sorry to hear about your losses but great news about this bfp. You are most welcome here to mental and worry along with us. Although maybe we are all getting abit better?<she says hopefully...> I love your comeback about coping. I wish I was quicker off the mark with cutting quips. I always think later what would have been great to say. I'll keep that one up my sleeve.

Expat you are right my problem is that my family and friends have the need to offload these comments back to me! I hope you get some rest tonight.

Gin after much umming and ahhing on my part we have signed up to NCT. Same branch. We are doing the classes at st Immanuel next to Streatham common sainsburys starting sat 7 sept. we are also doing NHS antenatal classes signed up by midwife. They are 6 2 hour sessions as well so if I don't know anything now I soon will!

Dildals which ones are you doing? You are abit ahead of me so I guess you are starting earlier. I must admit I smiled at your dad's wedding dress comment smile

Mariana thanks for the top tip. I've been saving boots points for shazlett but maybe I'll keep them for myself!

Crisps I love your quirky comeback as well. Be proud of your lovely twins. It's so exciting and wonderful.

Hello to everyone else. I hope you are all ok.

Love shazza xx

ExpatAl Wed 22-May-13 09:14:29

Welcome Buzzy and many congrats! No symptoms is great news. I always take that as a positive sign as pregnancy symptoms don't kick in until much later.

I'm booked into the Belgian expat equivalent of NCT prenatal classes starting in July. I don't really want to do them but as I'm hoping to take home a baby this time I guess they'll come in handy. I really hope to meet other mums I get on with. The expat world can be lonely if you don't put in some work. If anyone is lurking and based in Brussels, please do get in touch smile

Twins probably is a bit more work, but think of all those cuddles, you get one each and just imagine bath time! It will be fab.
What's the point in making negative comments anyway? They're here and real little squidgy babies.

I feel a bit more human today after a great sleep and intend to slope off from work early for a face massage. A friend is doing a massage course and I'm her willing guinea pig. I have a late conf call so I'm not a total shirker, ahem.

Hope you're all well. Foody, haven't heard from you for a while. Hope you're okay.

Buzzy, can you add yourself to this:
ExpatAl, 21 weeks, edd 6 Sept (prob cs one week before)
Dildals, 15 weeks, EDD 12 Oct, TWINS!
fairypangolin- 15 weeks, edd 14 oct, 1 DS
Shazza 11+1 wks EDD15 nov baby #1
Keepitgoing, 9 weeks, edd 29 November
GinSoaked, 7 weeks, edd 14 Dec, baby #1
Foody, 6 weeks, edd 01 Jan, baby #1
SweetieTime, 6+1, edd late Dec, baby 1
Blondebaby 2-3 EDD Jan13 baby#1
Crisps 5+5, EDD 3 Jan, baby #2

Dildals Wed 22-May-13 09:36:53

crisps my favourite come back, to pre-empt people asking whether it is IVF is 'YES, we had sex TWICE in one night!'.

welcome buzzybee! Don't worry about no symptoms. I have decided in hindsight that the only real pregnancy symptom I had was, was getting up early for a wee every morning. To be perfectly honest (if this thread is anything to go by) you are not going to be able to relax in to it until you had your 12 week scan, but still, try and enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible. Embrace it, even if it fails, no one will be able to take those moments away.

shazza mine are in a church in Herne Hill, so we won't be bumping in to eachother, I do hope you stick around in Streatham long enough so we can meet up for a bit of our maternity leave! (Rather than moving out to the lush country side I mean).

I went to preggo pilates last night (which was a lot better than last time) and met another 19 week pregnant lady. She was MASSIVE! :-) and no twins. She said she had lots of fibroids, their growth had been fueled by the increased blood supply to the womb and apparently one was the size of a marrow! Holy shit!

fairypangolin Wed 22-May-13 09:46:17

a fibroid the size of a marrow? Dear god, poor woman. I hope it isn't causing any discomfort. My bump is now big enough that I have to bend my knees apart awkwardly when I bend over to pick up anything. I have been going to yoga and pilates classes and my bump seems to be higher than a lot of other women so maybe that's why it looks and feels big for my stage. It is funny how bumps are so individual. As far as I know no fibroids though!

Hi buzzy and congrats on the BFP! Like Dildals said, the only 'symptom' I had so early on that was not just the progesterone is waking up v early to go to the loo. But symptoms come and go and at your stage they are particularly mercurial.

I also don't understand why people feel the need to be negative or adopt a 'you don't know what's coming' pose rather than just being congratulatory and happy when they find out you're expecting. Yes we all know raising children is hard! Duh! And of course you don't really know what it's like until you do it yourself. But I never knew how to react when people would cluck about how hard I would find having a baby and a career (which was what I got all the time with DS). Commiserate with them? Burst into tears at my ineptitude? What was noticeable was that not ONE person made a similar comment to DH, despite him also being a first time parent with a busy full time job.

ExpatAl Wed 22-May-13 09:58:11

The size of a marrow? Yikes! Poor woman.

MarianaTrench Wed 22-May-13 10:38:37

Marrow? Good god.

(Why must all medical growths be sized with reference to
fruit and veg?)

Dildals Wed 22-May-13 15:14:01

Marrows always make me think of that Wallace and Grommit movie with the killer bunny that wreaks havoc on a marrow judging competition :-).

fairy yes it's funny, people (to be fair, mainly the older people) have asked me whether I will be going back to work after maternity leave. Damn right. They don't ask DH whether he is going to be a stay at home dad! They also don't realise that nowadays the lady might be the head breadwinner rather than the fella, which is more and more common, in London anyway.

MrsHY1 Wed 22-May-13 16:23:08

Oh FFS, just half way through a mammoth post and it's gone and lost it, and due on a teleconf soon. From what I can remember I...
1) sympathised with poor marrow woman and those of you who have had to put up with interfering busy bodies criticising your parenting skills
2) Confirmed that I too am on the Brixton/Dulwich/Streatham NCT trail and start in Sept
3) Responded to Dildals that yup, it was thanks to the good old EDF that I got my haul of maternity wear. And thanks for the tip about the meet-up, I'll have a look but feel a bit of a fraud as not due until 4th Dec
4) Welcomed buzzybee!
5) Erm....

Am 12 weeks today with nuchal scan tomorrow. I've finally started getting up in night for a wee, just as the baby book I've borrowed from the library tells me that should stop! I think it's because I've got a retroverted uterus so its relationship to my bladder is a bit off. I'm wearing a JoJo Maman Bebe belly bandau today - have you guys heard of them? Really ingenious - it comes with a button that you put through the button hole of trousers/jeans then a a buttonhole that goes round the existing button. So basically you can sit there with your zip undone and everything hanging out but all encased nice and neatly in a lovely bit of navy jersey so it kind of looks like you're wearing a navy tank top underneath your normal top. I reccommend.


putthecrispsDOWN Wed 22-May-13 16:58:34

Eek, marrow fibroids!! Why compare something to a vegetable if it is that big? That's just alarming!

dildals I am stealing your comeback, classic! I can use it at work when people piss me off...there are loads of nosey people where I work who love snooping into everyone else's business.

I didn't do NCT last time and wished I had. I tried my local sure start baby centre for weighing in after Dd was born and hoped to make some friends but most of the women took their babies outside with them when they went out for a cigarette shock... I'm fairly liberal but not my kind of people. Have thought about joining this time, is it a bit wierd to go for your second baby do you think?

GinSoaked Wed 22-May-13 19:18:57

Marrow fibroids?! Bloody hell! I have 2 v small ones.. <wonders if I now have a veg patch in my womble>

Good luck tomorrow mrshy! Are you excited?

Hey buzzy, nice to see you over here chuck. I'm already imagining some faux Surrey meet ups when we're on mat leave.

didalsand fairy grr at people asking you but not DH about going back to work. I reckon I'll experience that when we tell peps. I earn more than my DH, so if we could afford for anyone to stay at home (not that we can) it'd have to be him! We're thinking about him maybe taking some of my maternity leave, now you're allowed to share it.

expat hope the massage was lush.

shazz (and poss mrshy) those are exactly the classes I was looking at booking! They're def the closest to us and I can just get away with them with my due date. Think I'll book them, if all is well at the 12 week scan. Need to make some mum friends in the area!

Am totes shattered tonight. Woke at 5am for a wee and couldn't get back to sleep. Stupid bladder.

SweetieTime Wed 22-May-13 19:28:12

Goodness my eyes are watering at the thought of a marrow living in my womble.

Hope all goes well tomorrow MrsH also your due on my birthday, got to be a good sign

Buzzy welcome to the mentalling and hand holding

DH has suggested he could become stay at home Dad as he earns least and says he would love it. I might scare him and take him up on the idea.

Shazzamattazzerly Thu 23-May-13 08:44:34

Morning ladies

Expat I hope your face massage was good. Sounds great!

Dildals we won't be going anywhere anytime soon sadly. I'm sitting on the bus now wishing I was somewhere calm and quiet rather than Brixton. So we can def meet up in mat leave. Sounds like there are a few south London girls here.

Fairy I completely agree with the congratulations. When people are excited and congratulatory I feel so proud and happy but when they take the '<snigger> YOU will NEVER cope' line I feel awful. What am I going to do ask for the baby to be taken back cause I can't cope and it's not a bed of roses? I'm hoping my 20 mins Pilates each morning will start to have an effect. How many classes are you doing? I wish I could go to classes but I can't afford them sadly.

MrsH good luck with the scan. I know it is scary. Fingers crossed for you. Please let us know how you get on. Ill look out for news.

Crisps not sure what to say about NCT. No reason why you can't do it for no 2 (and 3!) but I'm sceptical about paying all that money in the hope we make friends. We are doing it cause DP does everything his sister suggests and she raves about it. Maybe I'm naive about the ease of making friends with a new born but I think that paying £360 on the off chance that I might meet someone I get on with seems extreme.

Now if Gin goes to my classes that's a different matter! Gin pleeaassse book into the st immanuel class from 7th sept! Or is that too early for you?

Mariana how are you all getting on? I hope trenchlet is happier.

Foody, sweetie, blonde, buzzy and keep (sunning herself on hols) I hope you are all ok today.

As I said I'm on my way to work fed up. I earn more than DP but that's not saying much cause he is earning nothing at the mo which is a massive strain. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. I feel trapped in a job where I'm killing time not getting anywhere just to earn money. I've got no time or energy for my own creative endeavours and that makes me sad. Anyway moan over, I've got my little one to think about and I'm doing it all for her.

Have a good day all.

Much love. Shazza xx

Ps. A bloody marrow! How on earth is there room for that, a baby and other fibroids in there?!!

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