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Is it too soon after mc?

(42 Posts)
LittleChickpea Fri 08-Mar-13 22:38:03

DP and I have/are going through the heartbreak of mc. I lost our little miracle at 7 weeks. This was in the last week. This was to be our first. As sad as this is for us, it has made us realise how much we want a family. I am 36 (37 in May) and DP is 41.

Is there any reason why we can't start trying straight away? Do we need to wait before trying again?

browneyesblue Fri 08-Mar-13 22:44:48

So sorry you are both going through this.

When I MC, I kept reading people saying that you should wait X number of cycles until you tried again, but the OBGYNs I saw said that there was no reason to wait, and that once the bleeding had stopped and I had a negative pregnancy test I could try again (if I felt ready).

As far as I know, the negative test is so that you know that your hormone levels have dropped completely and that there is no uncertainty about subsequent positive tests.

Best of luck to you both xx

LittleChickpea Fri 08-Mar-13 22:48:20

Thank you Browneyesblue

PetiteRaleuse Fri 08-Mar-13 22:49:32

I waited one cycle before trying. DD1 arrived 11 months after my d&c. She was conceived on the third cycle. Very healthy. Good luck. Remember miscarriages happen because baby isn't viable. Mother Nature is cruel to be kind. Good luck smile

learnermummy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:50:47

So sorry for your loss. I think the advice to wait at least one cycle is just to do with dating a subsequent pregnancy. I had d&c after my MCs and started trying again not that long after although think we did wait for periods to start again.

ScottyDoc Fri 08-Mar-13 22:55:25

Really sorry for your loss OP thanks I'll be honest with you and say that when I had mine, me and dh were so devastated that we immediately started trying again. I lost dc in Nov at 7 weeks like you but became pg in jan with dc2 who is here now and a total joy. It's important to take medical advice first and foremost depending on how your miscarriage was handled, but when to try again is up to you. Many hugs and best wishes

lexib Sat 09-Mar-13 07:35:23

Hi chickpea,
I'm really sorry you had to go through that, I was in a similar situation and mc too at 7 weeks at the end of Dec. It was traumatic and makes me cry even now, but - we decided to try again straight away (I had settled into being pregnant and just desperately wanted to be there again), and after just one clear cycle were pregnant again. I know it's not the same for everyone, and i did go a little ott perhaps on learning (thermometer, fertility friend charting - they have a free education course! ovulation monitor), but it all made me feel I wasn't the same person as before. I really didn't want to just revert as if nothing had changed.
As soon as you're ready I think it's fine to start trying again - and i keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you smile xx

LandsN Sat 09-Mar-13 07:54:55

I had a m/c in dec had 1 cycle and I am now 7 weeks pg and I feel totally different this time hope all goes well xx

LittleChickpea Sat 09-Mar-13 09:24:02

Hi all,

Thank you so much for your comments and support. It's hard because not everyone gets how painful mc is. Trying hard to be positive and DP, MIL and SIL are all so supportive. it makes it harder because SIL and I were due a week apart. I am not bitter and really happy for her and do not want her feeling guilty. It's just hard.

It's really comforting to hear from women that have suffered a similar loss and went on to get pregnant again. I know I will never replace the miracle we lost but I/we desperately want to have a child. I now have this irrational fear that maybe I may not be able to carry a child full term. Is this normal for some after a mc? I haven't spoken to anyone about it.

thanks to everyone that has responded...

ChairmanWow Sat 09-Mar-13 09:35:06

Sorry for your loss thanks Just to say that it's always worth checking there are no medical reasons why you can't. We lost our first at 9 weeks and the MW was brilliant and told us we could try straight away if we wanted. I remember that feeling of desperately wanting to be pregnant straight away. I got pregnant on the third cycle using OKPs and the sperm meets egg plan, neither of which we'd done first time.

Just a word of caution though. I found that my hormones were all over the place for the first 6 weeks or so afterwards and that first month of trying I had all the pregnancy symptoms but wasn't pregnant. I had absolutely convinced myself that I was. It was really upsetting. Try if you can not to symptom watch too much. Hopefully you'll be pregnant again very soon.

flossy101 Sat 09-Mar-13 09:42:05

Sorry for your loss.

I had a missed miscarriage discovered at 12 week scan.

We were advised could try again straight away but I was still bleeding a lot so didn't. I conceived again on the 4th cycle following miscarriage.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 09-Mar-13 09:51:36

If you feel ready for it then go for it. I had a mc at 8 weeks and mw said she'd rather we waited until we'd had one cycle before trying again just to keep the dates accurate, but there was no other reason why we shouldn't aside from (as she put it) the MW selfishness over dates.

It took us a while to fall pg so assumed it would take us a while again anyway, but to my surprise we fell pregnant straight away about a fortnight after the mc with no cycle in between, I'm now 28+3 and expecting a very lively little girl.

pinksky Sat 09-Mar-13 10:24:31

Hi chickpea, just wanted to say that there is no reason you should wait if you feel ready--my best friend became pregnant first cycle after mc. There is nothing wrong with feeling ready to try again soon either, it's totally understandable X

wouldyoupleasemove Sat 09-Mar-13 10:57:03

Sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 5/6 weeks and conceived DC2 fourteen days after the miscarriage. It is possible. The advice I was given by obs/ gynae was as long as you didn't need a d n c, it was fine to start straight away. They like a cycle because it helps with dating but they just did an early scan. DC2 was born one day before due date by scan so clearly rightsmile. Emotionally you may wish to wait though. Best of luck

ng1412 Sat 09-Mar-13 11:30:02

Hi sorry about your loss. We went through something similar at 9 weeks in the pregnancy before our DD was born. We waited 3 cycles only because I wanted to make sure my body was fully repaired and I could prepare by improving my diet and getting some adequate vitamins. I also found an excellent gyne who then helped me throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy with DD.

I guess you do it when you feel right but I didn't want to rush thngs and wanted to make sure I could prepare as well as possible.

I was 40 by the way so even more reason for me to be careful!

Good luck x

PetiteRaleuse Sat 09-Mar-13 18:15:15

Yes, it is normal for you to be afraid that you won't be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Very normal. And during the first half of your next pregnancy you will possibly have regular worrying sessions, especially when you get the cramps that a lot of us get during normal pregnancies. Unlike with a first pregnancy when you are excited and looking forward to the first scan your excitement might be mixed with worry, even fear. And that is normal.

But most pregnancies are healthy and carried to term. There is no reason to suspect that the next one won't go perfectly fine.

Stay away from Dr Google, TTC when you feel ready, be prepared for rubbish hormones and ups and downs as you get over this.

Remember that you have done nothing to cause this mc, it really just wasn't right. thanks

Guavasforbreakfast Sat 09-Mar-13 20:40:56

Just another positive story to add to the list OP, we lost ours at 6 weeks (also our first), conceived again straight away in the next cycle and I'm currently feeling my little boy kicking away at my bladder at 22 weeks. He was perfectly formed and healthy at our 20 week scan. We didn't try actively after the mc (ie timings), just decided we'd have sex again when ready and when we felt like it, which took the stress away.

Losing a baby at any stage is horrible - I felt embarrassed admitting I was upset about it because it was so early. It really helped when my mum in particular acknowledged the loss and how I was feeling about it, so do talk about it as much as you need to!

Try again as soon as you feel ready to, not when anyone else thinks you should. Good luck! thanks

curiousgeorgie Sat 09-Mar-13 20:48:15

I'm so sorry this happened to you sad

I experienced several miscarriages at the same point as you last year, and conceived the month straight after and am now 6 months pregnant...

My doctor didn't advise me to wait, and told me that it usually just makes people more determined and they won't wait anyway...

Good luck xxx

LittleChickpea Sat 09-Mar-13 20:49:36

Thank you everyone. It really is a source of inspiration to read your comments.

I keep reading them over and it's amazing to see how common mc is but you don't know till it happens to you.

It's hard to express gratitude to so any strangers for showing so muh care. Than you.

PetiteRaleuse Sat 09-Mar-13 20:58:40

They are so common. Up to one in four pregnancies if you include all those that just never get off the ground, and up to one in five established pregnancies. Doesn't make it any easier. After mine I asked for tests to see why it happened and my OB GYN said we should wait for another TWO before running tests. That's how common they are. He also said that of all the women who do have a first mc, the majority, and a large majority go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

Took me two years to conceive the one I miscarried. As I said I was pregnant with a healthy baby being born just over a year later. Then DD2 was conceived easily a few months later. Right now one is wailing in the other room with DH and the other is lying next to me watching Gangnam. style on youtube. I had my miscarriage pretty much exactly three years ago.

learnermummy Sat 09-Mar-13 22:05:01

They really are so common and you don't realise how common until it happens to you. I've had 2 MC and 1 ectopic interspersed with 3 healthy pregnancies (currently 25 weeks with no. 3) Some just aren't meant to be. Fingers crossed for you.

HorryIsUpduffed Sat 09-Mar-13 23:14:10

Sorry for your loss.

No need to wait, unless you want to give yourself time to grieve. That said, I was glad to be pg again when all my mc dates came round (eg EDD, anniversary of loss).

I mc in January this year and conceived again in February. I couldn't bear to wait. But I am extremely anxious about the pgy and almost waiting for it to fail, which is unhelpful hmm

Be kind to yourselves and good luck x

HorryIsUpduffed Sat 09-Mar-13 23:17:49

Sorry, realised that was confusing. I mc my second and fourth pregnancies, and have two LOUD sons and a 6w "bump".

LittleChickpea Mon 11-Mar-13 02:40:11

Hi all,

This week has to be the all time emotional roller coaster. I mc on Monday and still bleeding which is a constant reminder of our loss. Thankfully it's not as bad as Monday to Thursday. Got a call from dr to say bloods were back and I need to do a pregancy test is 10 days. I really don't want to. The thought really upsets me sad.

On a better note, my DP has been a rock through this. His been so surpotive and I feel blessed/lucky to have him as my DP. I didn't realise what he had been going through till Saturday. DP asked me to marry him on Saturday. Turns out he has been planning this since erly January. He actually picked the ring up on Monday (mc day) morning and then on top of dealing with his seance of loss he had to also watch me fall apart. I am so happy to be engaged but I also still feel so sad for our loss. I wasn't sure whether to share this with you but you have all been so kind to me I thought you would appreciate a bit of positive news.

Thank you again.

PetiteRaleuse Mon 11-Mar-13 07:02:09

Congratulations ! This tough moment will pass. You won't forget it but the pain will go.

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