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Managing visitors after birth...advice needed!(14 Posts)
Only visitors who will make their own tea and put a wash on are welcome in my opinion. I stupidly had a bit of a gathering before I'd established breastfeeding properly - ending up screaming from the bedroom for everyone to shut up because I couldn't concentrate (they were barely whispering) Lost. The. Plot.
I could have coped fine with all and every visitor if DH had been present for the whole of every visit. No popping to the shop while someone else was with me!
When he was there, it meant he could deal with the logistics of door-answering, tea-making, biscuit-offering etc, and maintaining conversation while I was a bit out of it.
If you're BFing, feel free to use that as an excuse to run away upstairs if you want, but absolutely do not let yourself feel like you have to hide.
If you want to cancel any visitors at any time, then do so. Also, ask people to pick you stuff up on your way round if there's anything you need/want (baby essentials or biscuits!).
We had a 'one activity per day' rule. Either one visit, or one trip out to one place, but no more.
But you might be feeling great and want to show your new baby off to the whole world - just do what you feel comfortable with.
Get your Mum/Dad/DH on side with whatever you decide as well - I remember my SIL turning up with her 2 boys and just not getting the hint at all - in the end my Mum (who had brought a lasagne for us) put the food in the oven, set the timer for 30 mins and asked my SIL to leave as she was too and we could eat our meal in peace (well, as much as is possible with a newborn). Be clear from the beginning. Consider appointment times from a week or so - honestly!
I'm pregnant with my 4th and he/she has a cleft lip and palate. I'm expecting hormones, feeding issues and afterpains from hell so I'm going to be very firm with visitors for my own sanity.
Don't have anyone to visit if they normally irritate you as this is 10 times worse when you are feeling tired and hormonal. The visitors who come bringing food and presents should be welcomed for short periods of time. Definately agree with having "visiting hours" when you are at home.
I thought I would want a couple of days without visitors however I was lucky and had a very simple birth. I was desperate for my parents to meet ds so they came to the hospital and brought with them massive amounts of Parma ham and a bottle of white wine! They also brought us dinner to take home with us as we were going home the same day. The next day fil and his wife came over bringing us some easy meals and left after a couple of hours. I do not get on with mil so was dreading her coming. She comes by train so dh told her what train she could come on and also what train she was to leave on. When she didn't look like she was getting herself ready to leave dh just said ",Florin you look tired why don't you and ds go upstairs and have a nap" with the baby gone she soon left. The one thing I found hard was not having ds in my arms after a while. Mil was not good at passing him back and dh let her push the pram etc when I wanted to so I could stare at my pfb! I soon learnt to ask for ds back.
I personally don't agree with being in your pj's when guests arrived I would have felt embarrassed. I found having a shower doing my hair and makeup every morning was really important as it made me feel better after a bad night it was also nice to pass ds over to dh for me to have half an hour to myself while he was on paternity leave, dh loved this time having ds on his own too. He went back to work after a week however I still used to do this every morning while ds watched me from his baby bouncer. It meant if I wanted to go out I was all ready.
As soon as family had visited once we then had to put then off as both mothers kept wanting to visit which didn't give us time to see our friends. We put them off for a few days and had friends round, just one set a day and they were all lovely and left after an hour giving us lots of family time too. We were lucky with an easy birth and were out to lunch when ds was 3 days old.
Try and not make and commitments either way and then see how you feel at the time.
I do think also there is a big difference between nearest and dearest visiting you and allowing a free for all that might be hard to manage.
If its family you can normally tell them to bugger off if you really need to.
My DM and Dsis came the day after I got home from hospital and it was lovely - they brough lunch and tidied everything away - brought tiny baby clothes for DD who was swimming in new born sized clothes - and generally were in awe of our new baby.
My PiL on other hand who had to travel a long way were a bit more stressful - but we did educate them in the end and I spent lots of time snuggling / feeding in bed even with them in the house.
Most friends understood they needed to pre arrange and not stay long - especially those who have been there.
See how you feel - I worried about it beforehand - but in the end I loved having people cooing over DD - as long as it was on our terms!
It all depends on how your birth goes - day 3 was my low point when milk came in and DD struggled to latch - but apart from that the first two weeks I was on such a high..
Really hope it is like that again this time!
I had no visitors at the hospital and didn't mind once I got home as I could just go upstairs if I wanted to rest or feed the baby.
I've said it before, but still maintain that you get as many people to visit while in hospital as you can! That way they are only allowed to stay a short while, and don't expect you to be running around making them drinks and lunch etc!
Make sure you wear nightwear and a dressing gown when people visit you at home. People tend to see you then as someone who needs rest and will hopefully leave you alone. I did this and visitors stayed for an hour maximum in the first few days, I also asked one of them to pass me my antibiotics and painkillers (tactical hint) and write on my list of drugs what I was taking at what time!
tell them either
you are at risk of postnatal depression or baby blues and need time alone
your not well
aint had much sleep and your tired
still having afterpains and you need an early night
youll need a day or 2 alone to establish breastfeeding/bottlefeeding routine
if all else fails, switch your phone off they should get the hint. end of the day its your moment, your baby. x
id advise telling non essential people to rac off the first day n night home! i got severe postnatal depression from being overwhelmed with visitors after ds2. i was readmitted to hospital cos of it.
with dc3 i made sure once my mum took me home she left, and i was left alone just me and dd... other kids went to stay at their aunts. i chilled in the quiet, and had a takeaway and watched a film. it made so much difference x
Sorry I can't help as I am expecting my first as well. Will be interested to see what others say though!
I already have my mum saying that she would like to see the baby as soon as it arrives just so she can see we are both ok, then she would leave us to it.
We are considering saying we want the first two days or so just to ourselves then people can descend after that. Feel a bit bad though when people just want to see how you are etc.
Have you had any thoughts at all about what you want to do? Has anyone said anything that makes you think it will be tricky? I know there have been other threads about it as well so might be worth doing a search for them.
Expecting my first soon.
How did you manage visitors after the birth. I am hoping I can put people off for as long as possible, but know its going to be tricky.
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