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3rd miscarriage and feeling isolated...

(23 Posts)
Franimal Mon 04-Feb-13 14:58:21

Suffering our 3rd miscarriage, started today at 6 weeks, previous ones were missed miscarriages at 11 weeks... just feel so upset and isolated as I don't know anyone else who has had this many. Most of my friends are currently pregnant and haven't had any problems and don't understand. Just seems so unfair...
I was told by the nurses last time that it's not until you've had three in a row that they'll investigate, and as I am fortunate enough to have a 20 month old, I would have to endure another miscarriage before I can seek help... Last one was in October 2012 and before that in 2010. I had a complicated pregnancy (pgp and gestational diabetes) and birth with our DD too. I'm 36 this year I feel the clock is ticking too... anyone with similar experiences?

Bejeena Mon 04-Feb-13 15:43:07

No experience or advice to offer but just wanted to offer a bit of sympathy.

Also a colleague of mine had 3 MCs and then went on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby boy. But I am sadly no expert on the matter.

DizzyDizzy Mon 04-Feb-13 16:02:46

I'm 20, and have had 3 miscarriages (at 8weeks, 6weeks then 11w5d) but the first was with a previous partner, so I know how annoying it is to want to find out, but have doctor's tell you that you have to have ANOTHER miscarriage before they'll look into anything.
I'm now 26 weeks pregnant, and STILL worried that something could go wrong. All I can say, if it's any comfort, is that some pregnancies just aren't meant to be. I've tried to look at it, as he/she was too unwell to live, and that it's fairer to lose them so early, than having to go as far as birth. It's helped me a lot to think of it like this. If you have a child, than you KNOW your body can physically do it.
Tips wise, I took apirin (prescirbed by the doctor) on top of my pregnancy suppliments, for the first 13 weeks (on this current pregnancy). I was told, that the majority of miscarriages are caused because the mother's blood is too thick / thin, and aspirin thins / thickens the blood (can't remember which way round it is). I have no idea if this is why my pregnancy has lasted the longest term, but definetly worth asking your midwife about, incase it is the miracle cure.
I know exactly how down and lonely you feel, and it's soooooo frustrating when you see so many people around you having babies, and becoming pregnant, but this site has been amazing for me, and especially if you find it hard to talk to people around you, definetly sit on here and have a moan and a cry about how horrible the world is. I hope everything goes well with the next one xxxx

MrsExcited Mon 04-Feb-13 16:16:29

No experience but couldn't read and run, best wishes and i hope you get the outcome you want

Franimal Tue 05-Feb-13 15:05:20

Dizzydizzy thank you so much for your words of comfort and wisdom and to mrsexcited and bejeena too... sometimes you just need a good whinge, and a cry xxx

havingastress Tue 05-Feb-13 15:10:58

One missed miscarriage at 17 weeks. Took aspirin after that on next pregnancy and have a lovely dd now.

Aspirin will do you no harm whatsoever (in the small dose you need) Nothing to lose from taking it, unless you have some other medical condition which means you can't. You only take a tiny dose. In my case, the blood had thickened and stopped nutrients going across the umbilical cord.

I would definitely ask about taking aspirin. Also, get yourself checked for Factor V Leiden. This is what I have and what caused the miscarriage.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hope you find out what is causing them.

Franimal Tue 05-Feb-13 15:26:43

Thanks havingsastress, I will ask about that, I have so many questions!!! DH and I were both thinking it might be blood related as I am rhesus negative and he's positive... I need to write all this down and take a list with me, thank you xxx

havingastress Tue 05-Feb-13 15:53:41

I'm also rhesus negative. Definitely make a list so you don't forget to ask things! Factor V Leiden has no symptoms but is actually quite common. I had to take aspirin for the entire pregnancy and then inject myself for 6 weeks post birth (won't lie, was v v painful) but because docs knew about it, I got very good care.

I actually do still feel a little bitter that taking something as simple and cheap as aspirin could possibly have prevented us from losing our first precious baby.

Hope you get sorted x

MissyTJ Tue 05-Feb-13 17:27:58

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I hope the doctors run tests. I watched my mother go through five in row before they took it seriously. However, once they found the problem (a simple hormone imbalance) her very next pregnancy went to term, healthy and beautiful baby boy, still my favourite person in the planet now he's a grumpy teenager! So try to hang on in there, I just hope the doctors can be a bit more gentle with your feelings. sad xx

DreamingOfTheMaldives Tue 05-Feb-13 18:45:15

No advice I'm afraid but just want to send my sympathy that you are having to go through this pain again.

I hope you manage to get some answers

soupmaker Tue 05-Feb-13 19:18:07

Hello Fran. I had DD at 37 and was lucky to have a lovely pregnancy.

But since than I've had 2 MC, both at the tail end of 11 weeks. With the second I'd seen a heartbeat. I understand a bit how awful you must be feeling.

Because of my age blood tests were done on me and DH but they didn't provide any answers.

I'm currently 15 weeks with DC2 at 42.

I hope things work out for you. Look after yourself.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 05-Feb-13 19:36:46

Franimal I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand the despair and heartbreak you must be going through.

Ask the GP for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. Do some research and locate your best rated clinic in your area.

Look at the recurrent threads on here, you will learn loads.
I've realised after 5 miscarriages that knowledge is empowerment. I wish I'd pushed for things a few years ago but I didn't know what to ask for.

If you don't get the answers you are looking for then consider going privately, some places offer further testing not provided in many NHS hospitals.

Right now, concentrate on getting better and recovering. If you need to take some time out from TTC to give your head a break, do. It can really really help to let your mind and body recover.

Good luck.

Franimal Fri 08-Feb-13 14:28:34

Thanks everyone really helpful and comforting comments. Was feeling low again today after two friends told me they're pregnant this morning in the same playgroup. I kept it together though, happy for them but sad for me... my appt at hospital is a week tomorrow and I'm hoping they'll be sympathetic to my questions... I'll make a referral to GP too if I don't get anywhere. I do feel like you are treated like a "number" rather than an individual patient with emotions too... If sth as simple as aspirin could fix it, great but it would have meant losing three otherwise potentially healthy babies...

Midgetm Fri 08-Feb-13 20:02:33

So sorry for your losses. I know it is hard when it seems everyone around you seems to get pregnant so easily. I had 4 miscarriages in a row, then had DD. Then went on to have another 4 and fell pregnant with DS at 41. Aspirin was my solution too. I got checked for everything and I had a clotting disorder. If you do consider self medicating with aspirin, make sure it is after a BFP as it can effect Implantation. Hang in there, you have every chance that this will happen for you again, it's just bloody hard. Now I have DC2 safe in my arms all my losses almost seem like they happened to another person.i hope you too will say the same one day.

GreenOlives Sat 09-Feb-13 08:11:49

Hi franimal So sorry for your losses, its heartbreaking. I had 3 miscarriages and an ectopic (lost my left tube) after having DC1. Had all the recurrent miscarriage tests on the NHS but everything looked fine. After chatting on the miscarriage threads on here I paid to see a private consultant and had tests for natural killer cells and was found to have high levels. The treatment for this is steroids in early pregnancy so when I fell again last summer I started the treatment program (this also inc aspirin despite me having no clotting issues) Anyhow, I am now 37+6 and eagerly awaiting the arrival of DC2 after 3 long years of heartache - so please don't despair - Im sure it will happen for you too. smile

HopeTulips Sat 09-Feb-13 10:36:40

Read your post and felt it very important to tell you that you are not alone. Am on my fourth pregnancy and am 28 weeks pregnant and finally feeling hopeful but of course low moments do happen. I've had three miscarriages. I'll be 38 in March and I've been trying to conceive since I was 34. My first miscarriage was a missed miscarriage so was detected in the scan. It took us 18 months to conceive the second I think our confidence had been badly affected. We then conceived again but was diagnosed with a subchorionic haematoma which is a rare blood clot that may or may not result in loss of baby. You bleed randomly but not bleed you gush! Its shocking. Sadly after 13.5 week we lost a healthy baby. Conceived after 3 months, another missed miscarriage that passed naturally this time 2 days before our scan. Had all the tests and there are many, so go through all that and keep an open mind and explore everything. Was diagnosed with reduced ovarian reserve which basically means poor egg quality. There are things they can do to support you with that using IVF. We were going down that rout due to my age. In time for my appointment with the NHS consultant to discuss this, in 3 months I was pregnant again. I got scanned regularly and took progesterone. And here we are. When I was told I had poor eggs it was like someone had told me I wasn't a woman, not a real one, but at least I knew I had a chance and there was hope. Everyone around me is pregnant there are 5 at work and 4 at home. And at various times and pregnancies others have survived and I have always lost. Its devastating and its soul destroying and no one can offer you much condolences etc. Its complicated and there are a vast array of reasons that it could be. Get tested, take advise but take with a pinch of salt because you can't always guarantee that your body won't change and things won't work out naturally. Don't write yourself off and keep as strong as you can and then allow yourself time to grieve. Each miscarriage I've dealt with very differently. Go with the flow. Most people are really trying to help you, its hard sometimes as the NHS can give the impression that they are too busy, they are just stretched. And try not to loose hope and remember you are a good person whether you have a baby or not.

CARNATTY14 Sat 09-Feb-13 15:02:13

Sorry to hear about your losses!

I had 3 miscarriages last year @ 8w, 5w and 6w. We were referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic and had various tests (basic genetic testing, my egg reserves were tested, I had an internal scan, my blood was tested)

The day before we went back to get our results I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time. Baby is now 12 weeks old.

I'd push for testing, it does mean having ALOT of blood taken but it rules out anything obvious.

Be aware that 70% of couples end up with an "unexplained" verdict and as you already have a child you'll probably fit into that category but it is better to rule out any underlying issue.

Best of luck.

Franimal Sat 09-Feb-13 15:18:07

Thank you for sharing your experiences, my heart goes out to you all... fingers crossed and double crossed for all of us xxx

50shadesofmeh Sat 09-Feb-13 19:26:26

Hi there I had 3 miscarriages after having my son two at 6 weeks and a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks I had all the tests done and they never found a reason for it to happen, I got pregnant with my daughter shortly after and she's perfect and 2 now I'm now pregnant again with number 3, sometimes these things happen with no explanation , it's worthwhile getting the tests done I case it's something that can be treated also my local EPU kept a close eye on me and did 2 weekly scans as I was hyper anxious xxx

RoxyLady Sat 09-Feb-13 20:53:27

I had three miscarriages in a row and I am now 17 weeks preg. Please dont lose faith. I know exactly how you feel right now. I lost 2 at 12 weeks and one at 6 weeks. I understand how it will be affecting you & your
Partner. If you want to contact me and talk then id be quite happy
Too. Let me know.
I thought I was never going to hold a pregnancy but I am now. Please dont lose faith.

Franimal Mon 11-Feb-13 16:12:23

Thank you 50shadesofmeh and roxylady, it's hard to see the light sometimes... but hearing your experiences gives me hope. How long did you wait before TTC? We waited 2 months after the recent missed miscarriage in Oct, and thinking about not waiting after this one...

flirtymary Mon 11-Feb-13 21:52:02

I'm so sorry for your three miscarriages.

I've had three PGs and three miscarriages at 20, 7 and 11 weeks.

It does feel very unfair, you are right.

I don't have any answers in my case as all the tests came back inconclusive, as others have mentioned, but I would think that the fact that you have carried a baby to full term, albeit with a difficult pregnancy, suggests things are much more positive for you in terms of your chances in future, although i'm sure it doesn't feel like that at the moment

I found lesley regans book 'miscarriage' very helpful (she is in charge of the recurrent miscarriage clinic at st mary's in london, one of the best in the world) as it goes through all the possible tests and problems that may be behind the mc's.

As for whether to wait or not, I was told after all 3 of mine to wait until i'd had my first period as it then helps dating the next PG, (which can be important if you are having early reassurance scans to check things are OK and you are less far along than you think at the scan it can cause unnecessary anxiety).

Several nurses, docs etc have also suggested waiting for three months afterwards, but when i have questioned them on this there is no science behind it, it is to 'emotionally recover' so i've felt free to completely ignore it as I have always strongly felt that it is important for me to deal with things in the way that is right for me.

There is no getting round the fact that having your hopes dashed like this three times is shit, and dealing with the physical aspects of MC is also shit. Be gentle and kind to yourself if you possibly can, its a horrible, horrible thing for anyone to go through.

I wish you every success next time and pray we both end up with late 2013 babies.

Franimal Tue 12-Feb-13 14:26:05

flirtymary, thanks for your message and sorry for your losses, I hope the same, xxx

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