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I'm going to be a (very) pregnant bridesmaid....(17 Posts)
So I find out last week that I am miraculously pregnant (after two years of ttc etc). But I'm due to be a bridesmaid at 7 months...
We've not told anyone other than my immediate family yet as I had a scare (bleed) the day after finding out, and I'm waiting for a follow up scan next monday to see if it's viable.
But I'm seeing my friend (the bride) and the other bridesmaid tmw. They'll probably guess I'm pregnant when I don't drink! if all was well, I would probably have told them I'm pregnant. But I'm really not comfortable doing that when it might not be a viable pregnancy.
I'm worried she'll be stressed that I don't tell her (she is lovely but she worries quite a lot). she doesn't know I was ttc, but I did get married last year so it wouldn't be a total surprise.
Any advice on how I should handle this situation!
If you aren't comfortable with people knowing yet, don't tell them! You can always say you are on antibiotics for a bladder infection or something to explain the not drinking.
Obviously don't let her order your bridesmaid dress yet, and if they're talking about styles, perhaps say you've always thought an empire line was a good look.
Congratulations, OP. Enjoy this special time when it's just your and DH's secret!
I would wait until you are comfortable announcing the pregnancy in general (12 weeks, after scan, whatever) and then make sure the bride is one of the first people to know. If she is any sort of friend she will be delighted for you, so don't feel bad about it. You could explain at that point why you were reluctant to bring it up sooner.
Out of courtesy, I would probably offer to withdraw from bridesmaid roles and just be a guest if she wishes (I know at 7 months I would have been fairly useless from a "bridesmaid duties" point of view, but if she is the considerate sort who just wants you to turn up, wear a dress and enjoy the day, it should be fine). Think about what you want too.
Congratulations by the way
Thanks I would definitely let her be one of my first friends to know. I really don't want to offer to step down as I'd life to be her bridesmaid (selfish me!), but was thinking I could offer to pay for my dress and any alterations.
As it's my first time being pregnant I've no idea what to expect at 7 months (i think I'll be about 32 weeks, dates still unknown). I was hoping to be working still, and surely being a bridesmaid won't be that much harder?!
Am I fooling myself about what it'll be like at that stage?
It's very hard to say as you never know how a pregnancy will go. I was still pretty chipper at that stage though not the most energetic! I think offering to pay for the dress is nice. Maybe look for a dress for you in the same colour but a more forgiving style to that of the other bridesmaids?
Oh and congrats!
I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for my SIL in April but as my baby is due in May, I bowed out (my choice). Am gutted but think I'd be pushing it at 9 months lol. Speak to her as soon as you feel ready and she'll understand. Offering to pay for the dress is a nice idea x
You're not fooling yourself - you can walk down an aisle at 7 months pregnant - but I think it would be thoughtful to offer to step down while letting her know you would still like to do it. Some people don't want a pregnant bridesmaid, especially those who are
bridezillas sensitive about being the centre of attention that day.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
Thanks all. I feel a bit bad as she has had a bit of trouble choosing her bridesmaids, so I don't want to put her in the position of having to reopen it all. so (when I do tell her) I'll make it clear that I would love to still be her bridesmaid but it's her call if she wants me to step down.
She's not a bridezilla at all! But she is a worrier. Oh dear.
Oh well, it'll be a happy problem to have if next week's scan is ok...
I'd hate to be a bridesmaid at 32 weeks (im 33 atm) but then im having a grim pg. Nausea and spd would just make it unmanegable and as a bridesmaid you wouldnt be able to leave early or take a break from the party.
I was bridesmaid to my sister at 7 months. I lasted all day!! Managed to carry my nephew who was a pageboy (He was playing up!) down the aisle behind her and managed to dance til late too My DS loves being told the story of how he went to the wedding when he was on the inside.
I'd go with the antibiotics idea too. Or could you delay meeting up until after the scan, when you know whats going on? I'm sure your friend will understand. Good luck with the scan. x
I should probably add that one of my bridesmaids was 7 months pg, so I speak from some experience! She didn't offer to step down, but I wouldn't have let her if she had.
She did offer to pay for alterations, but again, I was having none of it! (Others had to have alterations too, I just saw it as part of the cost of the dress.)
I was a bridesmaid at 7 months this time around, it was fine. Bride was keen to find low heeled shoe options but I sort of bullied her (and the other bridesmaids) into some much more flattering giant stilletos and wore them happily all day .
The only disappointing thing was not being able to get merry on the free booze.
In terms of dresses, they were made to order and so mine was made with a slight empire line rather than fitted waist (they were 50s style with full skirt and lace sleeves) and the dressmaker left mine til the last minute so as to use the most up to date measurements.
Congratulations! My DSis was 7 months pregnant at our other sister's wedding. I did all the hard work and pregnant DSis just turned up, smiled and looked lovely.
One thing though - if she does want you to go ahead, make sure the florist knows. The florist at my sister's wedding changed my older sister's bouquet to 'balance' better with a 7 months' bump!
I got married at 7 months pregnant and it was easy to adjust the dress- a good seamstress will be able to do it as long as there is enough fabric. I walked home from our reception at 2 am and although I was tired the next day I did everything i wanted to (apart from drink!). As long as you haven't got high blood pressure or a bad back/pelvis you'll be fine. Had you said you'd be 10 day overdue, well, that's another thing....
It might not be the dress, but the shoes that pose the problem at 32 weeks! Congrats!
Thanks for all the thoughts, really helpful.
Shoes should be fine, I'm way taller than her so she would want me in flats anyway
I'm glad to hear that most of you think that I'll be fine by 7 months to carry out bridesmaid duties. I really do want to be her bridesmaid!
I was matron of honour at 39 weeks! It can be done I chose my own dress and shoes in colours to match the other bridesmaids and was relieved of most duties on the day (not because I couldn't have done them but because the bride's mum was terrified I was going too go into labour I think) but I walked down the aisle and held the bride's flowers and did my bit. Stayed until gone midnight and had a fab time. I was lucky that the bride was very flexible on clothing etc and understood that there was a chance I might not make it on the day but wanted me there anyway if I was up for it.
Otoh, the bride, now 37 weeks herself, called me the other day and said thank you for being there, as, now she knows what it's like, she doesn't think she could have done it. Every woman and pg is different At 7 months I think there's a good chance you'll be absolutely fiine and have a great day (as long as the bride doesn't envisage your duties to involve moving furniture or the like!).
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