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Tell me I'm not dooming myself to isolation and no-mates by not doing NCT?!?

(27 Posts)
CityDweller Wed 30-Jan-13 11:33:13

We decided against NCT as £300 seemed an awful lot to pay for the crap-shoot of acquiring new friends and decided to instead spend the money on a hynobirthing course. But, recently lots of people have asked if I'm doing NCT and said how they've made friends for life, etc etc through it and that I really should be doing it otherwise I'll go mad with the isolation and lack of support group after the baby comes. It's making me paranoid that I won't be able to make 'new mum' friends any other way (I had planned on attending all the local baby activities and groups on offer once it comes along and meeting people that way, as well as via the NCT's egroup that they run for people giving birth in same month and have previously posted on another board asking people how they made friends outside of NCT and it seems that other people have managed to do so, but at least a couple of people on that post asked me why I wasn't doing NCT, like I was crazy for not doing it).

Am I making a huge mistake? It may anyway now be too late to get on the NCT course (I'm 31 wks), but should I try to beg my way onto it?

[I had bad dreams about this last night, which is why I sound quite so freaked out!]

saycheeeeeese Wed 30-Jan-13 11:35:56

I didn't go to one, made lots of friends at baby weigh in, mums and tots and baby swimming!

Even made a lovely friend while in Starbucks we were both tgere havibg a coffee with our babies looking shattered

Plenty of opportunities to make friends!

rainand Wed 30-Jan-13 11:38:17

I'm not planning to go to NCT Classes either as its too expensive. I think its more worthwhile going to classes like yoga/pilates etc which can benefit you or you need too and you can make friends!

nickelbabe Wed 30-Jan-13 11:42:06

It is an awful lot of money.

there are loads of ways to make friends - bumps to boobs groups, mum & toddler groups, cafe groups, all sorts.

I've doomed myself to a life of loneliness by working in a shop on my own all day, but I still managed to get a small group of friends.
(i started a storytime at the shop and I go to the mum and toddler group at my church)

DoItToJulia Wed 30-Jan-13 11:42:57

Eugh, NCT classes make me shudder....they are just not my bag. I have two DCs and have never been to one and I have lots of friends!

Some people love NCT and all the trappings, so I think they are the people you have encountered that say you will be isolated.

They weren't for me and as you say the are plenty of other ways to meet new mums.

Ps just because you have babies at around the same time does not mean you will have anything else in common with them, NCT attenders or otherwise

pepperrabbit Wed 30-Jan-13 11:43:09

When I had DS1 I did an NHS ante natal course and after he was born I did a post natal course run by my surgery.
I refused to do the NCT course because I deal very badly with peer pressure and people seemed so insistent I HAD to do it.....
8 years down the line it's the ladies from my post natal group I still see pretty much every week. I think with antenatal courses, all you have in common by definition is taht you're having a baby soon, and the support can be great, mutual whinging about details (poo/night feeds/sore tits) that the rest of the world find less enthralling smile
But an activity or group you have chosen because you like music/massage or whatever, will probably elicit more people you have things in common with.
Don't panic!

DaveMccave Wed 30-Jan-13 11:43:33

It's not necessary. I don't rate the site in general but the meet a mum section on netmums is great for the early days with a pfb. I chatted to a few local mums with babies similar age and met a few the first time I went to new baby groups or classes. Admittedly lots I didn't meet up with again for no particular reason but 6 years later I still see a friend I met from there. Also met people at the bounce and rhyme session at the library. Most libraries do this. Know lots of people to quickly say hello to in the street that I chatted to at baby weigh in clinics and other groups and things.

photographerlady Wed 30-Jan-13 11:59:36

I am worried as well cause I am tomboy. I have few female friends and in a few months bam its going to be motherhood and mumville. I am taking hynobirthing as well as I want to feel in control my last weeks of pregnancy and hopefully childbirth. I decided I need to go niche if I am to meet other moms and friends. So I am looking into sling meets, breastfeeding support and even silly first few week classes like baby massage. I wouldn't worry too much about what pre-baby classes you do but hang in their dear and I am little scared as well smile

TwitchyTail Wed 30-Jan-13 12:06:23

I was in two minds about doing it and decided not to. While we could have afforded it, I am tight frugal and just did not want to pay £240 (the cost in our area) to have the opportunity to make friends. My sister advised me against it too - she had a baby last year, did not do NCT, but met lovely people at postnatal groups (a breastfeeding group, baby massage, that sort of thing) who became good friends in a more natural sort of way.

Kitkate78 Wed 30-Jan-13 12:08:41

Does your local NCT branch have a bumps and babies meet up? You don't have to be a member or have attended the classes to go to these and I found it was a fab informal place to meet new mums. Other baby classes have been good but it's been more of a cursory hello/ goodbye thing rather than lasting friendships. Whereas with the Bumps and Babies meet up it was very social brews and cake eating, whilst sharing the joys of being a new parent. We had all sorts at that group and you'll usually find at least one person you'll click with!

mrscog Wed 30-Jan-13 12:20:51

I didn't do NCT but have still made friends - through going to the same bf group week on week, randomly met someone in my v small village on HERE of all places! and have also been to NCT bumps & babies (you don't have to do the classes to go to these).

I would say if you don't do NCT you have to work a bit harder - a group of NCT friends sets you up with an easy 'starting group' of friends, but it's certainly possible.

Children's centre groups are also good.

Eglantyne Wed 30-Jan-13 12:25:32

I didn't do NCT, still have great mates that I picked up along the way, eg baby swimming, Sing and Sign etc. I also know people who now feel trapped with their NCT "friends", and feel obliged to invite the whole lot round to parties etc, even though their children's lives have now gone off in different directions once they start nursery etc.

TheSecondComing Wed 30-Jan-13 12:30:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eletheomel Wed 30-Jan-13 12:31:27

I did NCT classes and did meet some good friends who I'm still in touch with (one in particular - we have a lot in common, similar ages (older mums) and see each other regularly) however, it's not the only way to meet people.

Once you have a baby there are loads of mother and baby type classes you can meet people at. I have to say, I'm a bit shy and so while I enjoyed attending all the post-baby classes (sing and sign, baby swimming, bookbug, baby massage) I never made any friends there (well, people I'd talk to in class but no-one I'd see outside the class), but that was just me, most people are more sociable than I am :-)

And as noted above, a lot of it does depend on who happens to attend these classes at the same time as you, just cos you both have babies doesn't mean you'll be friends.

Definitely would say that NCT classes aren't vital to making friends though.

Rooble Wed 30-Jan-13 12:39:43

I did do NCT (hated it actually); saw the others off the course twice after babies born then never again. (Some VERY odd ones on our course!). Met lovely people at: post-natal aqua-aerobics, baby groups, baby music - and now school.
Other people I know who did get on well with their NCT groups said that by the babies' third birthdays they suddenly realised that the only thing they had in common was having a similar-aged child.

showtunesgirl Wed 30-Jan-13 12:42:33

I didn't do NCT but I did do the free classes provided by my hospital and I'm very good friends with the ladies from that.

Do your hospital do anything similar?

specialknickers Wed 30-Jan-13 12:52:12

I didn't do nct with dc1 and have met loads of mum friends in cafes, mother and toddler groups and in the park. Shan't bother with dc2 either as I expect it will be the same.

FWIW my best friend who had a baby the same time as me (although in a different city) swore by it and has stayed very close with the group of ladies she met there. She found thier friendships and support invaluable and still sees them all 3 years on. Between you and me, their gang looks like my worst nightmare, competitive parenting at its very worst (one of them, upon being introduced to me at a party opened the conversation with telling me what a shame it was that DF had such trouble conceiving a second child. Seriously. wtf?). To each his own and all that.

FadBook Wed 30-Jan-13 13:00:58

I did a Natal Hynotherapy course too instead of NCT (weighed up costs and benefits). It just made more sense to me to labour and birth my dd rather than to make friends at the times, as i felt I could make friends afterwards

You've said you plan to use a sling and breastfeed so find yourself a breast feeding group and/or an attachment parenting group and go along whilst you're pregnant. I went to one when dd was only 10 days old and I made some of my best friends there as I went back every week. I'm now a peer supporter to new or expectant mums that come in at the same place and I watch the mums with similar aged babies form friendships- it's lovely.

Once you start going on walks, to the park, swimming, baby groups you end up meeting and crossing paths with the same people.

I even went to the NCT nearly new sale (I'm not a member) and saw tons of people there that were at the regular bf groups I went to. You just end up seeing or knowing people through friends.

Definitely do the hynobirthing and don't cancel that! Best money I spent if I'm honest for not only me, but my DP too, he learnt loads and was a brilliant birth partner.

stacey212528 Wed 30-Jan-13 13:28:05

Oh what's this meet a mum section,

stacey212528 Wed 30-Jan-13 13:28:58

Sounds interesting. I can't seem to find it.

MrsKwazii Wed 30-Jan-13 13:42:15

No group antenatal class here either - I met a brilliant bunch of women at my postnatal group and we're all firm friends 5+ years later. You'll be fine!

Zipitydooda Wed 30-Jan-13 13:50:19

I met my best friends at a post natal group at my doctors surgery 8 yrs ago. Without them I would have been a bit lost.

I didn't do NCT but would recommend going to some sort of baby group; baby massage, yoga, post natal thing especially if you don't have friends with new babies too. The group I went to was free and interesting too.

CityDweller Wed 30-Jan-13 14:36:13

Thank you all - I feel much reassured now! Yes, planning on doing sling meets, baby massage, breast feeding groups and all the other stuff around here. So hopefully I will make friends...

milkyjo Wed 30-Jan-13 16:54:29

I did NCT - finished the course then moved house before baby was born. I knew nobody in the new town then when DS was born I attended baby groups, weigh ins, support groups and made friends there. Me and DH attended NCT specifically for antenatal advice, I was really gobsmacked when people on the course said they had attended to make knew friends - I really don't have that much money to buy an introductory service for new friends. I didn't think that was the main aim the teacher was going for either!

KelleStar Wed 30-Jan-13 18:57:21

I didn't do NCT first time as the courses were fully booked [so were the NHS ones] and I did struggle at first to make mummy friends. But I tried lots of other groups and found they all varied, some organised by local mums were very clique. I attended the NCT bumps, babes & toddlers and it was a click, DD is now 2 and we still go, it's relaxed, focus is mummy chat and not so much on organised activities for the kids, which is nice. Tea/Coffee and a biscuit much appreciated. I've met some really nice people.

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