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Midwives: would this birth plan piss you off?

(37 Posts)
racetobed Tue 29-Jan-13 14:30:15

Dear Professional,

Please give me gas and air during all internal examinations. I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

Please give me an epidural as soon as medically possible. I am not Joan of Arc.

Please consult me on which position I would like to give birth in. Last time I had my legs prized apart like a sheep. It would have been nice to have been asked smile

If it comes to it, please save me before the baby. My 4 year old needs me more.

Thank you thanks

Bejeena Tue 29-Jan-13 14:41:20

I am not a midwife, but if I was I would refuse to treat someone who spoke to me/wrote at me like that. The smiley face doesn't cut it.

Your requests are not unreasonable but if written like that you sound extremely patronising!

worsestershiresauce Tue 29-Jan-13 14:41:30

Do you want to piss them off? I think it would go down a lot better if you made your points without the wise cracks. It is often a good idea to be polite and respectful to the people who will be looking after you when you are at your most vulnerable....

Lostonthemoors Tue 29-Jan-13 14:45:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoTeaForMe Tue 29-Jan-13 14:46:07

Your points are fine, but I don't know why you feel the need to write them like that!

Fairylea Tue 29-Jan-13 14:50:09

I'd bear in mind that you may not get an epidural as quickly as you want or at all, depending on whatever else is going on in the hospital at the time.... I had an epidural with dd but with ds he was a c section that went horribly wrong and I had all the anaesthetists including the head of department in the theatre with me for 4 hours trying to stabilise me and prevent me from dying. If anyone had wanted an epidural during that time they would have had absolutely no chance.

No harm in asking at all. Just saying.

steppemum Tue 29-Jan-13 15:00:40

this midwife isn't the one who didn't do it right last time.

with dc3 I wanted something different to something that had happened with dc2. The midwife was amazing and lovely and did just as I asked and I would have hated to think that she would have had snippy request becasue of a mistake the last mw made.

racetobed Tue 29-Jan-13 15:06:34

haha, you're right, i does look a bit arsey...i think i am still carrying a fair bit of anger from the last midwife who made nasty comments about me 'not coping' and 'nobody else complains about my internals' adn then really roughly pushed my legs apart at the end. <inhales, exhales>

But you're right, not fair to project that on all midwives. Lostonthemoors will follow yr advice.

Kafri Tue 29-Jan-13 15:33:47

I was one of those who didn't get my epidural fairylea. Anaesthetist had put the thingywotsit into my spine and was over the other side of my deliver bay sorting out the drugs to attach to it when he fit called away to an emergency. I gave birth looking at what could have been my saviour!

I remember saying to my mw (through tears) 'he's not gonna get back in time is he'?

Well I lived to tell the tale and by leaving me and rushing off so did the lady who he rushed off too so that's all that matters! :-)

TinkyPeet Tue 29-Jan-13 15:38:04

I think rephrasing it to make it more polite, perhaps instead of 'please give me' maybe something like 'where at all possible I would like' xx

TinkyPeet Tue 29-Jan-13 15:40:42

Also, another non epidural, when I went into hospital to have my first I was already 9 cms and my son was out under 20 mins later, only a 2 hour labour so there was time for nothing!

Catsdontcare Tue 29-Jan-13 15:48:22

Dear professional

Due to previous surgery on my cervix internal examinations are extremely painful for me so I would hope that these could be kept to the minimum where possible and when they become necessary that gas and air is available to help with the pain.

If possible I would like to have an epidural as soon as possible during labour

I am keen to find a birthing position that is the most comfortable for me and would like to be supported in achieving that.

Can't help you with the last one sorry!

TwitchyTail Tue 29-Jan-13 15:50:37

Suggestions to make it a bit less inflammatory grin :

Title: Racetobed's birth preferences

Thank you for caring for me during labour and helping to bring my baby into the world! I would be very grateful if the following could be taken into account:

Please offer me gas and air during all internal examinations, as I find them extremely painful due to previous surgery on my cervix.

I would like an epidural as soon as medically and practically possible.

When the time comes for me to give birth, please negotiate my position with me as I find it uncomfortable to have my legs pulled apart.

(Leave off the bit about saving you or the baby, it doesn't work like this in real life)

Thank you all thanks

TwitchyTail Tue 29-Jan-13 15:51:28

Cross-post with catsdontcare, saying basically the same thing grin

GingerDoodle Tue 29-Jan-13 20:21:47

I appreciate I will be in the minority but I found the writing style amusing and wouldn't mind!

Santagotstuckinthechimney Tue 29-Jan-13 20:26:58

So you would rather your baby would have come through your bottom then? Cause that's what would have happened if she didn't open your legs ?

Any who - I think it would be better to phrase it differently .

It sounds condescending . Just a list of what you do or don't want would be better.

AmandaCooper Tue 29-Jan-13 20:29:54

I'm curious about the legs pulled apart "like a sheep" bit?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 29-Jan-13 20:39:22

Perhaps add in that you are still quite upset from a traumatic birth last time & hope they can bear with you as you will be feeling vulnerable / sensitive.

Then thank them for reading!

NAR4 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:22:22

I agree with previous posters that it does come across as a bit rude and needs a little rewording.

I couldn't help but laught though at the Joan of Arc bit.

AladdinOnRepeat Wed 30-Jan-13 08:27:32

It made me grin but I would change the wording too I think.

I am currently writing mine, as I will be needing it in the next couple of days and all I want to write is

Please give me gas and air, then leave me alone in a dark room until its time to push.

That's all I can think of writing!

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 30-Jan-13 08:33:33

Seconded about removing the 'please save me first' bit. It's a bit movie-like.

If that situation did arise, they'd save everyone possible, but it'd come down to guidelines and circumstances and not what you've said in a birth plan.

racetobed Wed 30-Jan-13 12:09:53

hahah caja 'a bit movie-like'. I am a bit melodramatic, truth be told grin

ladymia Wed 30-Jan-13 12:33:33

If I was presented with this birth plan and I was the midwife, that epidural would take a LONG time to get to you (it would certainly not get to you before the child's 1st birthday) and I will unplug the gas and air grin "oops it's not working, i don't know why"

nannyl Wed 30-Jan-13 14:03:48

if i was a midwife i would be pissed off reading that, yes

notso Wed 30-Jan-13 14:20:22

No-one ever asked for or looked at my birth plans and I have had four DC.
Good job the baby comes out through the fanjo not the mouth and you can still talk or scream don't you dare cut me grin

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