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To find out or not find out?

(36 Posts)
Fairy130389 Mon 28-Jan-13 13:03:40

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow...
I have always been clear that I didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, until about a month ago when I suddenly decided that I HAD to know!!!!
I have a 7 year old DSD living here too so thought it would help her bond with new baby knowing what it is, plus it will help with the planning, plus I'm impatient! haha!
What are recommendations about finding out or not? Will I regret opening my present early? Should I just wait?? I don't want to regret ruining the surprise!

Fairy130389 Wed 30-Jan-13 19:39:14

Thanks all, I'm SO glad I found out, I feel much more connected to the baby already, and my DH is absolutely over the moon, plus it's the first Grandson (my dsd and SIL's baby are girls), so everyone is mega excited now!!! I can definitely see the argument for waiting but I just can't wait now! Plus I'm going shopping on Sat and have been eyeing up the boy clothes in Next!!

DOGSMOM - In the end I just couldn't wait, my DH was still not wanting to even when we were in the scan room (I had bullied him heavily into finding out) but now he's happy we did too (I am usually right!)

LazyMachine Wed 30-Jan-13 17:00:42

Congrats on your son Fairy!

We found out at our 20 wk scan, too (due next week), and it's been so wonderful knowing. When he arrives, our big surprise for everyone will be announcing his name (& I would suggest keeping that between you and DP/H.)

Enjoy your good news!

emeraldgirl1 Wed 30-Jan-13 16:41:14

OH - I skimmed the thread and didn't realise you HAVE now found out!!!

Huge congrats, what lovely news smile

emeraldgirl1 Wed 30-Jan-13 16:40:16

I'm a vote for finding out!
I'm a control freak so couldn't NOT know...
Also I had quite an extreme reaction when I found out the gender (it was the opposite one to the one I'd been assuming/hoping it was) as I have all kinds of issues with mother-daughter relationships from my own. Weeks along, and I am not only 'reconciled' to the idea of having a girl but absolutely THRILLED about it. The scan has given me time to come to terms with my own issues about it. Not saying you have the same issue, but it's just one more reason to FIND OUT!! smile

Dogsmom Wed 30-Jan-13 15:24:27

Congratulations Fairy.

What made you decide to find out in the end and are you glad you did?

massagegirl Wed 30-Jan-13 09:35:03

We've found out but are keeping it a secret just been the three of us which feels really lovely! plus I was able to go out and buy a cute babygro.

SaggyOldPregnantCatpuss Tue 29-Jan-13 22:52:33

Congratulations. grin

SaggyOldPregnantCatpuss Tue 29-Jan-13 22:51:58

When if we get to that stage, we wont be finding out! We've been through that magic moment at birth twice now, and it is just amazing. Im writing into my birth plan this time, that we dont want the midwife to tell us, we want to find out for ourselves.

Stixswhichtwizzle Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:06


TwitchyTail Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:05

Congratulations!! Come and join me in the fabulous Unborn Boy Club grin

HavingALittleFaithBaby Tue 29-Jan-13 21:36:00

Wonderful! Congratulations grin

curiousgeorgie Tue 29-Jan-13 21:17:11


Fairy130389 Tue 29-Jan-13 20:23:23

Well, incase any of you are interested... IT'S A BOY!!!!!! :D

rainand Mon 28-Jan-13 22:39:42

I found out and I wouldn't have it any other way! I love knowing and also it makes shopping much more fun! wink

Kelerina Mon 28-Jan-13 22:26:28

So exciting! I'm 35 weeks now and we found out that we are expecting a boy at 20 week scan and I can honestly say I haven't regretted that decision for a single second! I love referring to him as my son smile

mrsnobby Mon 28-Jan-13 22:18:04

We didn't find out with our first- loved my DH being able to tell me that we had a perfect little boy.
This pregnancy is IVF with quite a few early pregnancy worries and tbh I was sort of in denial about the fact I was pregnant til 20 wk scan having had 3 MC's in between.
I suddenly panicked that I wasn't going to bond with my baby because I hadn't felt much excitement during the pregnancy, I had just prepared myself for the worst - so for that reason we found out (I wanted to even tho DH didn't really)
BUT we have pretended we didn't to everyone else. I love having our little secret and am so excited about telling all of our friends and relatives, especially my Mum, when her grand daughter arrives.

Fairy130389 Mon 28-Jan-13 21:56:02

Thanks ladies - you are right, definitely a personal choice - I think I was sure anyway really, we will find out, but just nice to talk to other and see what the experiences were!! EEP!!!!!!! This time tomorrow we'll know!!! (I bet the little monkey has its legs crossed now, just to take the decision out of my hands!!!)

Dogsmom Mon 28-Jan-13 16:04:27

We both really wanted to find out had a private gender scan at 16 weeks, it's very hard to describe but as soon as they announced her gender I felt differently, more bonded, as if she was suddenly my daughter and real.
It wasn't something I expected to feel but a great feeling nonetheless.

She is due in just over 5 weeks and has a name and nursery full of things for her.

I did want to buy gender specific things though, before we knew I bought a neutral bouncer and a little beige outfit and now wish I'd waited, I'm self employed and maternity allowance is rubbish so knew money would be tight once she was here and have really enjoyed shopping for her while money isn't an issue.

My friend didn't find out and was so out of it after giving birth she didn't hear what sex her baby was and it was about half an hour before it registered and she was disappointed it hadn't been the big event she'd imagined, she had also planned lovely shopping trips with her husband and newborn but her recovery was slow and in the end she ordered things online and again feels like she missed out on the excitement of gathering things for her son.

StuckOnARollercoaster Mon 28-Jan-13 15:37:47

I had my 20 week scan last week and didn't find out. I'm a complete control freak and planner - have lists for everything but this is one thing that doesn't seem to bother me.
Lots of reasons I think for me - I don't want everyone buying bits and pieces because of gender and get inundated with just pink or blue - lots of colours are nice like yellow, red, green, purple, neutrals in addition to pinks and blues.
Also I know my family/friends and they are already trying to persuade me that they have the perfect name for us to use and I think it would be 10 times worse if they knew the sex.
I'm not massively rooting for 1 sex or the other (its my first) and in my ideal world I think I would like 1 of each, so perhaps this may feel different if we do go for a 2nd...
And I probably didn't consciously think it - but maybe I do for once want the attention of an announcement. We're not making a big deal of announcing the pregnancy - only if it comes up in conversation, so it would be nice to tell the world all the details, because its probably going to be a big surprise for the more distant family and friend groups!

nickelbabe Mon 28-Jan-13 15:35:10

It is a very personal choice smile

I didn't find out for a few reasons:
1: because I couldn't understand what else the MWs would say when the baby comes out: "it's a girl/boy" is the standard first comment, surely!
2: because I could wait (unlike my big sis who would die completely if she couldn't find out)
3: because I knew that as soon as they knew the "flavour", every single person in my family, DH's family and all friends would start buying stuff that they believed to be the correct colour/style for that flavour. I did not (and still don't) want anyone to gender-stereotype my child.

EnjoyResponsibly Mon 28-Jan-13 15:32:34

We had lots and lots of IVF.

Absolutely everyone knew everything about our baby except for one thing.

His sex was an unknown to me, DH and everyone else.

I can't speak for everyone else, but because of our circumstances we just had to keep one element of the baby's being a mystery.

Olimoss Mon 28-Jan-13 15:25:15

I should add that I don't understand the preoccupation with 'surprises' around babies, gender and names at all.....partner and I are very open with sharing all the info with friends and family. It's OUR baby, and the thrill of new, healthy baby being born is in no way diminished (or increased) by having some of the information around gender and name already.

The caveat to that is that it's totally my opinion and experience, so just go with what YOU want, not what you think other people will want or enjoy.

Olimoss Mon 28-Jan-13 15:21:48

I am not sure how it is less of a surprise at 20 weeks than it will be at term, and as other posters have said, the actual birth-day will be full of other surprises and overwhelming feelings.

My friend didn't find out with her first, and did with her second, and said she never regretted either approach for either. She does say, however, that it was just wonderful to be able to refer to her daughter as 'her' and agree a name and all that stuff for 20 weeks, before she arrived.

It's very personal - I can't imagine not knowing if the information is made available!

Missingthemincepies Mon 28-Jan-13 15:12:43

No right or wrong with this one. I found out with DS and know I'm having a girl this time. Would have been delighted with either, just feel closer to the baby knowing it is a he or she. Has also been good for my DS to know he has a sister coming.
One idea, if you're in 2 minds, is to ask the sonographer to write it don rather than tell you. That way you can choose to know at any point, or you, DP and dsd could all sit own and find out together - am sure she'd love that.
Good luck

shelley72 Mon 28-Jan-13 14:42:26

Its definitely personal preference. i am also organised, and a planner but i didnt want to know with either of my two. and i never had any trouble bonding with either bump despite not knowing what sex they were. I found out when they were handed to me smile.

Strangely enough, I am pg with DC3 now and a little bit of me does want to know - though i think is just so i know which set of baby stuff to pack up for the NCT sale! DH doesnt want to find out, and i have terribly un-cooperative babies anyway so it will remain a secret for now.

about sending THAT text - just remember to mention in the text what the baby actually is. i forgot the first time round - i was so excited that the baby was here - and had loads of texts back saying thats lovely but is it a boy or girl?!

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