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Posting in wrong forums. Am i being insensitive?

(63 Posts)
NoVictim1 Fri 25-Jan-13 23:54:49

Im pregnant and I come in here to share stories with other pregnant women. However, i find alot of the posts are about miscarriages or babies dying. There are correct areas such as the miscarriage forum where i expect you would get the best support.
I have found it hard coming in here without the fear of god being put into me and making me more paranoid than I need to be.
Im very sorry for anyone who has lost a baby. I myself have lost two so i know how it feels. I just wish people would put things in the appropriate place

Sorry if i have offended anyone but im sure im not alone.

SunshineOutdoors Mon 28-Jan-13 19:15:39

I agree it should be deleted, particularly after seeing MissRainbow's post.

RubyrooUK Mon 28-Jan-13 16:50:52

I agree now too Kitty. I thought last time you suggested deleting the thread that the thread might show people that actually the vast majority of people are extremely supportive of those suffering losses on the pregnancy boards. (I myself have posted about losing my pregnancies, probably all over different parts of Mumsnet and found amazing support.)

Also I thought that maybe the OP would have something more to add that might explain her views, which so many people did find insensitive.

But since the OP posted this several days ago and has not been back, I think you're right. It's just hurtful for people who find it accidentally in pregnancy and think this is representative of Mumsnet's views.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Mon 28-Jan-13 15:24:51

Good idea goodbyekitty123 I agree, this thread is not going to help anyone sad

goodbyekitty123 Mon 28-Jan-13 09:08:35

I meant I emailed mumsnet not you in particular OliviaMumsnet SnowLiviaMumsnet

goodbyekitty123 Mon 28-Jan-13 09:06:12

MNHQ- I emailed you however I don't think you received it. I think this thread should be removed as I don't think there is any more to be said on it. It just seems to be causing a lot of upset and could end up putting people off coming to this site. I just don't think it's the best example of what mumsnet can offer and doesn't reflect it in a particularly good light if left on here.

RubyrooUK Sun 27-Jan-13 22:54:42

MissRaindrop - it was one poster who asked a very insensitive AIBU. The rest of the thread shows that people don't feel the same way.

Don't feel bad - there are lots of us here and on the pregnancy threads who have through similar things and are available for support anytime. Hoping you have some happier times soon.

MissRaindrop Sun 27-Jan-13 22:33:57

Totally appalled at this post. Ok so I came on here for help & support as I didn't know what was happening over the past two weeks with a mc & I have to say you guys helped me through the worst time of my life. Now I know I am not welcome to voice concern I won't be back. I am sorry if losing my first baby offended anyone. Speechless.

TinkyPeet Sun 27-Jan-13 21:59:15

I agree I think this thread should be deleted now, it's pointless and could really upset or anger someone that would be looking here for support

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 27-Jan-13 18:22:49



I think if you start moving pregnancy loss threads out of pregnancy due to the kind of objections of the OP, then that is a really bad call and callous disregard for all the reasons given as to why those sorts of threads should stay where the grieving mother chooses to put them.

Hi there
Sorry, wasn't clear.


We are more than happy to move any thread when an OP requests it - and have done this in the past.

We meant the OP of the thread in question not this particular thread

E.g. if an OP starts a thread in pregnancy and then sadly goes on to have a miscarriage and wants to talk about that and would prefer that it was in another topic we would be happy to move it if it were requested by the OP herself.

It's one thing to move a silly thread about e.g. the goings on in Emmerdale out of AIBU into Telly addicts but we certainly don't move threads to and from bereavement/miscarriage or any of those topics without the express wishes of the OP.

Hope this clears things up
Peace and love

ghislaine Sun 27-Jan-13 17:16:30


I think if you start moving pregnancy loss threads out of pregnancy due to the kind of objections of the OP, then that is a really bad call and callous disregard for all the reasons given as to why those sorts of threads should stay where the grieving mother chooses to put them.

WeeS Sun 27-Jan-13 16:16:09

I find it peculiar that you would have posted such a thread when you have experience of mc yourself. Everyone deals with loss in their own different ways, but surely you could have predicted everyones reation to your insensitivity? I really hope you have not posted this to provoke things.

I agree with Moominsarescary that this thread ought to be deleted.

SleepyDeer Sun 27-Jan-13 15:08:52

I've lost 3 pregnancies in 2012 a little boy at 23 weeks and 2 at 7 weeks. I posted on the pregnancy forum about my losses and new pregnancies, due to the miscarriage forum being quiet (not many woman on them). Like others have said you don't have to read then, it was a bit insensitive.

People come on these for support, and this defiantly isn't supportive towards those who have lost/ or have the fear of loosing a baby.

SnowLiviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 27-Jan-13 13:09:03

Hello everyone
Thanks for all the viewpoints here.
We are more than happy to move any thread when an OP requests it - and have done this in the past.
We would remind you all though that if there's one thing we could all do with, no matter what stage of motherhood we're at, it's some moral support.

badguider Sun 27-Jan-13 12:28:34

While I think the OP is wrong, I do think that forums like mn can lead to some skewed ideas about risk in pregnancy. I am only just 8 weeks and often find myself thinking that it's highly unlikely that this (my first pregancy) will end in a baby because it seems like almost everbody on mn has had at least one mc and as I haven't had any yet I must be due one.

I think that because people come to mn mainly when they need support that it seems often like everybody has difficulty ttc, mcs, followed by terrible physical and emotional trauma in childbirth, real difficulties bf etc. etc.

IdaClair Sun 27-Jan-13 12:21:00

Death is part of life, loss is necessary for gain and grief runs alongside joy - hence miscarriage and stillbirth are entirely relevant to pregnancy as valid pregnancy experiences. It is important to have those babies acknowledged as much as those lucky enough to be born alive. I will continue to post in pregnancy and pregnancy loss forums about both happy and sad news I'm afraid, and remember my children who didn't make it as well as celebrate those who did.

insancerre Sun 27-Jan-13 12:11:52

I always think of mumsnet as a group of people sat round a big table. Topics come and go and some conversations go off on tangents and eveolve into a different conversation entirely.
it's unfair to expect people to compartmentalise everthing and only post in the relevant topic.
Not everything fits into a little pigeon hole.

RubyrooUK Sun 27-Jan-13 12:06:58

I didn't read the thread as people trying to be particularly mean though Kitty. The OP asked if she was being insensitive and people mainly said yes, this is very hurtful as a view.

It is a very emotive topic, and I presume this is why the OP wanted to check if her view was reasonable or insensitive. Because she felt a certain way and wanted to know if others agreed or they would be shocked.

Some people like me also suggested maybe she is upset at her own losses and wants to avoid reading more about them which is completely understandable and while her view was insensitive, I wouldn't suggest for a minute she was a bad person. I felt she might have a reason - I still find her view insensitive but understandable in that case.

I thought in the main this was a useful thread if anyone was confused about why people did post in pregnancy when suffering losses - it shows that the support there has been very important to lots of people.

goodbyekitty123 Sun 27-Jan-13 10:27:21

Like I said I understand that this is a very emotive issue however everyone just seems to be saying the same thing and now it just seems a bit like playground bully tactics. A lot of the posts seem to be quite factual in their disagreement with the OP however there a few that just seem to be enjoying the drama and are using it as an excuse to be nasty.

I think people seem to have forgotten that there is a real person at the other end of the computer and I just think that everything has been said on this topic that can be said so now can we put this to rest now.

BumpingFuglies Sun 27-Jan-13 10:24:47

OP I do not wish to be unkind to you but this was a bad idea. Simply don't read any threads that upset you.

MrsWolowitzerables Sun 27-Jan-13 10:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sun 27-Jan-13 10:18:00

May I just say I agree with everyone. Should OPs who have lost DCs only post on bereavement boards?

MrsWolowitzerables Sun 27-Jan-13 10:16:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sun 27-Jan-13 10:10:45

Yes some posters have been a bit mean but her post was so incredible insensitive that's it has done more than ruffle feathers. It has genuinely upset lots of people.
I think it's possibly the most insensitive post I've ever read on MN around pregnancy and miscarriage sad

trustissues75 Sun 27-Jan-13 10:09:25

I can, in a way, see your point OP - but what do you suggest? To suffer a pregnancy loss means that one has to have been pregnant. Where does a pregnant woman post and make friends? On the pregnancy forum. Do you think maybe the person's friends would wonder where they'd suddenly disappeared to? What option does the poor woman have to inform her friends and ask for support? Does she have to individually message each and every one of them? how tiring, and traumatic to go over the whole story more times than her already spinning mind will be doing? Surely, having been through this, you can find some empathy somewhere? Or does the world revolve completely around you? That may sound harsh, and I don't wish to be, but I think you need a bit of a reality check.

I really hope this pregnancy goes well for you, and if it doesn't, I hope you find the support you need to move forward.

Mawgatron Sun 27-Jan-13 09:51:40

I think a lot of people are being quite mean to op. I can understand her point, and I can also understand what the later posters are saying, but I think some of the responses have been a little harsh. Op did say she had suffered from 2 mc's in the past! It is a little insensitive, but people shouldn't be so mean to her! This is supposed to be a supportive place!

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