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Fantastic, fabulous 40+ Mums-to-be! Part 3

(1000 Posts)
eagleray Mon 14-Jan-13 20:38:19

We've run out of space so here's a new thread so we can support each other and talk about the trials, tribulations and utter joy at being pregnant at 40+

All new members welcome smile

scarecrow22 Sat 02-Feb-13 08:55:23

DH is home!!!!! DD ran across airport to fling herself at him, and now follows him everywhere and wants him to do everything (tee hee). He has drunk and smoked (hmm) so much he is in a state but I have robustly told him there are no words in English or Afrikaans to describe my lack of sympathy and stayed in bed smile

Somewhere & Bad Miss - immed after this am going to buy brown rice, broccoli, Marmite, Floradix and Spatine and eat it all for brunch. Think my body packed in in last 24 hours -cold has gone to chest and breathing sore and feel like somebody has drained all my blood away. Still DH is back grin

Knicky sorry you feel so pants. You poor hon. I feel humbled by your long working day and you obvs have DH around even less. Is there any reason you can't either stop work a week earlier or take a day off each week - apart from your sense of duty? It really sounds like you need to. Can you talk to a line manager? If not, keep heart, we are all here for you and put your orders in for the lounge, where the sofas are designed to alleviate all pain so it is like floating on clouds with calorie-free cheese cake.

Sparkly & Cheese - lovely to hear from you both. Come and join us in said lounge more often x

somewherebecomingrain Sat 02-Feb-13 11:20:32

knicky I really feel for you - I'm so lucky not working full time. I think all DH's or maybe just many feel a bit put out by pregnancy. I hope you can talk to him. In general this is a very difficult stage for all families - as much as you want it having two young children is stressful and a bit of grrrrrr and arrrrrgh and 'greyness' gets into the parental relationship. You should've heard me and dp this morning.

scarecrow so pleased Dh is back absence and all that! Deeply gratified you are taking my advice.

AFM moving house today. Sis was supposed to help but her son up all night with the runs and she had massive single mum meltdown on me so awful I wept with her. To be fair it's her first ever in 5 years she's super but terrible timing. Now dp doing move alone while I babysit the cousins and I'm babysitting cousins while sis sleeps.

Feel I have let down dp.

somewherebecomingrain Sat 02-Feb-13 13:33:39

Moving day live feed - niece is having spectacular raging tantrum. Banging her fists and chubby feet on the floor - most classic tantrum I've ever seen. She is 2.5 so all very reassuringly developmentally appropriate. Trying to calm her down. Sis off helping DP. Ds and dn watching their fourth or fifth hour of telly as too chicken/lazy to take all three to park. What a day.

knickyknocks Sat 02-Feb-13 13:42:23

Thank you all for your lovely posts. I feel better today, but DH still being distant. Have asked him if he's OK, and he just replies moodily that he's tired - I do wonder how he's going to cope with two - more's to the point, his rest days coincided with DD's days at pre-school this week, so not only did he lie in for a couple of days, he also had both days to himself. That sounds like luxury to me right now, so my sympathy for his tiredness doesn't extend too far.......

Right enough of me, lovely to catch up on everyone else's news.

badmissm so glad they're starting to take you seriously now. You truly have had a dreadful time.
scarecrow the thought of your DD running to meet your DH is just lovely and heartwarming. As you say, it's wonderful to have him back not least because it's an extra pair of hands when it comes to DD (though she sounds adorable).
I've only got 7 and a half days left of work and although so tempting to leave earlier, I'm going to try and plough on. My last week is 3 and a half days and I'm not planning on pushing myself that week.....
somewhere I know you feel like that you've let down DP - but you had no alternative, and in any case I was concerned about you doing too much at this stage. Think you would pay the price tomorrow however light the boxes you were moving were. Maybe buy DP a huge slap up take away later for all his efforts? Hope the move is going well, and that by early evening you're in your new abode.

scarecrow22 Sat 02-Feb-13 14:00:33

Somewhere -loving live blog. Glad I'm not the only one who finds their little toddler tantrums a mix of cute and funny - but I try to keep a straight face as think laughing might wind up more (chuckling a teeny bit allowed wink). There is just something so sweet about minding Ssssoooo much about something usually so petty, and the idea they have so little sense of their own scale that they will take on the Whole World. Bless DN. and bless the cathode ray tube.

Knicky, can't add much to wise advice re DP. My trials w DH last time well documented. They need a childish amount of reassurance though. I fear it is not inusual, but def deeply unhelpful at such xn important time. X

BadMissM Sat 02-Feb-13 15:01:10

Scarecrow My grandparents lived in SA... but have forgotten the (mainly rude) words I ever knew in Afrikaans!

I went and bought some Floradix yesterday, and this morning DD and I attacked the mess of a front garden, fixed the fence, and put the plants that were too big for our pots into the the house looks much better. So the Floradix must be doing some good, because I've been looking at it for weeks!

somewhere Sounds like you too have the moving day curse...everyone who was supposed to help us went down with Novovirus the day before... My DH ended up moving pretty much everything... There's not much you can do anyway, I felt like a spare part all day, but in the end diod things like make the tea and food for anyone who could help...

Knicky Thanks xxx I know it's hard when DH/DPs feel hard done by when they actually have the luxury of rest and thinking time...DH is complaining constantly of tiredness even though I do most things in the house. Makes me wonder how he'll get on when LO arrives too....

Scarecrow That 'childish amount of reassurance' comment says it all...because we're not apprehensive, nervous, or plain terrified ourselves, are we? :-)

So, apart from my fit of gardening this morning.... I was a bad girl yesterday, and bought a buggy. Though it was from Boots half-price online sale... It's a Maclaren Quest, but with all the accessories too, so am pretty happy. Although my bank manager won't be....

scarecrow22 Sun 03-Feb-13 19:45:46

Knicky and I think all of us... There seem to be v high proportion of crap worried OHs among us. (My DH come back from his two weeks away in awful state - anxious, smoking, hardly talking, not coping hmm) Is this abnormally high or normal? Wonder if we have OHs who have left it too long to face their responsibilities? Either by chance or reflecting their reluctance (we are all pg in our 40s for quite diff reasons it seems)
I'm cheering myself with thought that it is practice for having two small children in the house wink

BadMissM Sun 03-Feb-13 20:01:15

Mine seems terrified, both of something happening to me, and the possibility of fatherhood at 48. He has been through it all twice, but his youngest is 16. He is terrified of failing somehow, being the oldest dad in the playground (lots of his contemporaries are grandparents now), and just messing up in general. I wonder if it's whether, being older, they are more aware of what is really to come?

scarecrow22 Sun 03-Feb-13 20:19:09

BadMiss wise, and more generous, thoughts. Makes your OH sound rather lovely

cyclecamper Sun 03-Feb-13 20:53:09

BadMissM Mine is also 48 with his youngest being 16 (with aspergers). He is very anxious, especially since my stepson has been extremely hard work at every stage (didn't sleep through till 8 or 9 for example). I don't think he is so much worried about being the oldest dad, more of being ill (he is very asthmatic, and currently has a chest infection) and of being stuck in London. He really hates London, and keeps having one more thing that has to happen before we can move to Yorkshire. First it was the 22 year old finishing college, then uni and I think part of the worry is that the 16 year old needs to do something, but if he starts a course, we are trapped here until it has finished. It doesn't help that he doesn't like his job and now feels trapped in that too sad.

somewherebecomingrain Mon 04-Feb-13 00:21:33

God it never ends. We are half moved - with all that entails - life in boxes - when my mil has a fall, a faint and a fit and has to be rushed to hospital. She makes full recovery but now has a very painful knee and may need care ie someone to get her out of bed and up and down stairs. We are half moved! Dp starting new demanding job fri. Dp has sister but she's worse than useless his mum doesn't even want her to know.

Scarecrow - interesting hypothesis re facing up to responsibilities. My dp has certainly struggled to do do. Now he is doing it we are struck by wave after wave of extra Stuff. I feel so sorry for him. But if we had more stability these things wouldn't kybosh us so I guess.

I'm going to make stability my priority after the baby and I go back to work but right now I need him to provide it. I suppose I've got to work effing hard to make his life as easy as possible.

Badmiss your dp/Dh sounds so sweet. Wow that's tough re the sleeping.


MicheK Mon 04-Feb-13 07:16:21

Silly question/advice/shared experience ?? Where to start ... scared to write this down :*-)

Firstly, I'm 45 ... and never had children ... My husband and I just haven't been successful (unprotected for 18 years) ... we never wanted to go down the chemical/assisted route ... but had the attitude that if it happens great ... if not, sad but, we have each other.
My periods have always been as clockwork almost to the hour ... except for now (7days late). I'm not sure if this is the start of menopause (I've been having night sweats) or whether its what I'm frightened to write down/talk about. I'm feeling 'odd' ... very bloated and not exactly sick but feel as though I have a lump in my throat which occasionally gives me a feeling of nausea ... I have no other symptoms.
What do you think early stages of pregnancy (there I've said it) or not. Take a pregnancy test or leave it a week or two?

Apologies for the waffle ... Just looking for some advice from others who've been there ... not at the stage where I'm brave enough to talk out loud to hubby, girlfriends or family

somewherebecomingrain Mon 04-Feb-13 08:39:54

Hi there MickeK only a test can tell you but if it is a BFP there are lots of older women on here who are in touch with the shock factor of pregnancy.

You could also ask the fab forties TTC thread in conception - they're really in touch with this heart in mouth in between moment.

Sorry to be so moany in last post. It all looks better in the morning.


scarecrow22 Mon 04-Feb-13 09:56:41

MicheK - it is not uncommon to mix up pregnancy and menopause- I did myself at 39 with 1st DC. But totally get why it is so lump in throat - two equally dramatic but opposite outcomes. I would maybe do test as it will play on your mind (surely?) every minute/hour. As long as you 7+ days o/due - otherwise not so reliable; 10+ days even better.
We are all here for virtual hand holding, as I'm sure will the 40+ TTC thread. They might also have better advice than me.
Thinking of you lots.

scarecrow22 Mon 04-Feb-13 10:04:11

Somewhere - not moany, descriptive! Poor you and DP. Hope you can have a hug and maybe not laugh as mil horrid scare, but at least share a rueful grin and sigh! Hope things looking up today in your lovely light (your!) flat.

Btw I totally jinxed myself the day I mentioned how fast ths pg going: since then time has slowed to an otherworldly doped crawl. Complete with some v blush complications right now! To think I once thought if DH wouldn't have any more DCs I would offer to be a surrogate bec last pregnancy so easy shock (sorry if that offends anybody, it was out of a strong desire to help other women enjoy the wonder of a DC). (My only concern was whether I could give up baby?)

BadMissM Mon 04-Feb-13 13:04:54

Scarecrow My DH is lovely, but believe me I had to kiss lots of frogs (and even marry one) before I met him! He is an absolute sweetie. My entire family haven't spoken to me since we got together though. I haven't even told my parents I'm pregnant.

Cyclecamper As DD is 14, I was hoping in a couple of years when she goes to uni to move back down south or even back to everything's changed... I think you always worry, and it gets worse as you get older. The fact is, his autistic child was with his ex, I guess, so not neccessarily going to happen with you.

You can also put obstacles in your own way. My parents have been 'going to leave London' for the last 30 years. They keep adding 'just....' to their list, and now at 80 and 79, doubt they ever will. I left London maybe not in a way with lots of forethought, but it's all worked out...sometimes you just have to take a chance.

Somewhere Oh goodness, your luck sounds like mine. thanks I know what that feels like, I couldn't even find a saucepan for about a week...
Maybe a time to call in emergency favours from everyone you know? I literally put out an emergency call on Facebook when we got let down, and some surprising people who I wouldn't have though of came and helped...even an hour here and an hour there gets it done... smile

Stabilty? (hollow laugh) We lurch from one crisis to the next...not helped by the fact that I'm the major wage-earner, and because of Tribunal/Disability/Pregnancy, I haven't been able to work for over two years. Poor DH only a postman, physically demanding and badly paid, and his ex takes a fortune even though she doesn't need it.... I try to make his life as easy as possible, as he gets so stressed....

We all need a good moan sometimes!

MicheK I'm 45, with a child of 14.... I thought this was the menopause too....
Do the test. It's the only way to be sure. If you're really nervous, maybe ask the GP to do the test? We're all here if you want to talk more xxx

Scarecrow I even considered being a surrogate for 2 gay friends, because pg with DD was easy (until the birth). It was just because I knew how much they wanted a child, and because I so enjoyed being pg. Pg with DD flew by.... This one going at a snail's pace!

Sorry for the monster post.

Me...still plodding on. Really cross as DD's friend was over yesterday...They went swimming, came back... We had to go out, leaving DD and friend in the house watching a film. Came home to find DD in tears. Friend had left 1/2 an hour after we had. DD's new phone disappeared at the same time. Had seen phone when they came back from swimming. DD was asking friend not to fiddle with it, and put it under sofa cushion.....

We stripped the living room and dining room....nothing. Only thing that had happened between us going out and coming back was friend leaving. DD admitted friend had been in living room by herself while she went to loo...

Poor DD bought this phone herself, she saved up for it, she's only had it a month. I can't afford to replace it for her. Rang friend's parents (v awkward as as they are our friends). Asked nicely if she 'may have picked it up by accident'? They searched her room and her bag, no sign (she's done this stuff before....). I think she's taken it to friends or thrown it in the bin. This all spite as her own mother confiscated her phone.

Poor DD distraught, and I can't make it better for her. She was so happy to have a phone. Worse still, have to go and confront the mother today, which is probably the end of a lovely friendship. This is all I need... sad

BadMissM Mon 04-Feb-13 18:16:04

Now have two friends less in this crappy town, that leaves me with 4. DH's ex made sure most people don't speak to me, now this has meant I have even less. Am getting to the point where I hate living here so much, but we can't afford to move anywhere else.

Went to confront DD's friend ,A, about the missing phone. Didn't even get to ask her a question, like, well, what do you think happened to the phone? Her mother (my now former friend) said 'How dare you come and accuse my daughter, there is no question that she did it' the minute I walked through the door. I think she jumped because people have accused A, her daughter, of this before.... Then she basically told me to get out of her house. I tried to explain that just before leaving I had seen DD take phone from A and ask her not to play with it. Only thing that happened before we got back was A leaving.

She wouldn't tell me when A got home. I think A will have hidden the phone at another friend's house until the heat dies down, and that she did this on the way between our house and home in case she got searched.... DD also let slip tonight she had had to change the code to her phone twice before because A watched her then learned it....

Now DD will get into enormous trouble at my parents next week about phone, as they gave her most of the money to buy it for Christmas. Bearing in mind my Dad only recently stopped going on about the theft of my bike in 1987...she will have a horrible time. None of this is her fault.

All this has left both me and DD in tears....

somewherebecomingrain Mon 04-Feb-13 18:33:05

badmiss so sorry to hear it. You are without doubt better off without them. Although no fun to have the row and make the seperation theres no place for thieves in your life. Sorry for your dd she sounds so sweet and deserving of her phone. How gutting.

I heard today that this nice mum I know who's son is friends (ish) with mine and who we were having a play date with this week (I had to cancel) has fallen down the stairs and broken her leg in three places. Her husband was in a total state. I feel very sorry for them
But at the same time secretly relieved I'm not the only person in RL going through ridiculous dramas.


somewherebecomingrain Mon 04-Feb-13 18:37:26

Scarecrow is it your fanny? I might need to start a thread on mine but will
Change my name. Hope nothing serious from your emoticon sounds more carry on vibe.

Surrogacy - not offended just baffled! Having said that I'm just starting to enjoy this pregnancy - getting that third trimester mellowness I had last time also suddenly energy and feel I'm achieving things. And of course dp's now earning shortly. but still doubt I'd do it
Again for ANY MONEY. Would find another
Way to help others. But admire you.



cyclecamper Mon 04-Feb-13 18:57:11

BadMissM your poor DD, that's rotten. I remember things like that from when I was a teenager sad. I suppose that at least the baby will give you a chance to make some friends who don't have bitchy teenage girls (yet).hmm

MicheK I thought this pregnancy was the menopause until I was about 16 weeks and the dr insisted that I did a pregnancy test before I had the blood test for the menopause blush. Since my Husband had a vasectomy 15 years ago, I fully expected the test to be negative.

Somewhere I hope things are calming down for you. It all seems a bit too eventful!

scarecrow22 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:38:42

Ooh Eagle update alert on mummies/grads thread.

Somewhere biscuit! Also surrogacy idea was before this pg. very much so! I'd consider donor thing but figure I'm too old? Anyway, it's a way away.

BadMiss - sorry for DD. Poor lamb. And poor you. Sound like children never stop tugging at heart-strings.

BadMissM Mon 04-Feb-13 22:11:46

Great. The day couldn't get any worse, could it. After the hell with DD's friend, then the surgery messing up my prescription yet agin (for the diabetic stuff have already run out of because they messed it up last week and took 4 days to deliver it...). Now the arsing YouView box has broken AGAIN. So, an hour on the phone to someone in India who couldn't understan I might be miffed (second breakdown in less than 40 days), and we now have no TV until Wednesday....

eagleray Mon 04-Feb-13 22:57:49

Hello everyone - sorry I meant to post on here earlier today as had some spare minutes/seconds but then I was occupied again.

Oh god Baby Eagle is kicking off again (she is currently Moby'd to me and has started thrashing her arms around so I will have to go and feed her).

Will definitely update tomorrow and say hello to you all. Feeling a bit better now - things are still hard but each day it gets a little easier.

somewherebecomingrain Tue 05-Feb-13 10:18:20

Hey all. Badmiss I know all about the badly trained Indian call
Centres. There are brilliant Indian caLl
Centres as we all
Know India is where it's at but of you get a bad one it's like they're running a paychology experiment in how to wind people up.

Where is new forty Plus mum thread? Xxx

BadMissM Tue 05-Feb-13 11:51:59

cyclecamper DD devastated, A has been her friend since we moved up here 8 years ago, along with her sister. Sister is lovely, but can't be friends with her without A. DD went to 2 primaries then secondary with A, but she's caused problems all along. Will miss her mother as a friend though.....

Just hope baby will allow me to meet people, because my 'social circle' between DH's ex and work problems is non-existent.

Scarecrow DD devastated, she waited months to get this phone.... and she's too nice to confront A, so I had to do it...

Eagle Waves to eagle and baby Eaglet!!!

somewhere The one run by TalkTalk means you go aorund in circles for hours and still get nowhere. After all that, damn thing is working this morning!

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