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Is it wrong to feel sad. . Would've been due now.

(13 Posts)
lurcherlover Tue 08-Jan-13 22:39:07

Totally normal. I had a mc in May and would've been due in November. I already have a 2-year-old DS and am now 26 weeks pregnant, but was very sad in Nov - especially as a good friend and I found out we were of on the same day back in March, so had v similar due dates - seeing and holding her newborn really brought it home. Christmas was a funny time, as I was so happy to be pg, but at the same time thought a lot about how earlier in the year I'd assumed this would be my first Christmas with two children. I am so grateful to be pg and I can't wait to meet my baby, but a part of me will always wonder about the one I lost - was it a boy or a girl, even. I think it's all normal. We're mothers to all of our children, whether they're born or not.

Reebok Tue 08-Jan-13 17:25:26

Op, not sad at all. I miscarried in July...mmc. Yesterday had my 12 week scan and saw my wriggly baby. I cried my eyes out not only out of happiness that this baby was healthy but also for the one I'd lost. Would have been due at the end of this month.

chubbychipmonk Tue 08-Jan-13 17:20:52

Thanks everyone for your kind words, means a lot to know I'm not the only one x

DYesson Tue 08-Jan-13 15:26:54

You have absolutely no call to feel silly or guilty, of course you feel sad about your baby sweetheart. I am pregnant again now, 12 weeks, and over Christmas, the 27th, would have been my stillborn son's first birthday, I felt awful and tearful as I did on his due date earlier in the year, and it's absolutely natural. You grieve and deal with things your own way. And never let anybody tell you what you should or shouldn't be feeling, what you feel is what you feel - nobody can change that. But you'll get stronger, and congratulations on being pregnant again, it's hard but you can do it. Love, Donna x

Hanikam Tue 08-Jan-13 14:58:23

I think it's different for men. They like to able to solve problems. You are pregnant and going strong after MC ergo problem solved. I had MC at about 8 weeks last September. DH was a bit crap over it tbh, not understanding why I was still upset after a couple of weeks.

I'm about 8 weeks again now and nervous as hell. Totally understand why you keep thinking of due date. brew.

Sends hugs from deepest Suffolk!

rrreow Tue 08-Jan-13 13:03:19

I'm sorry to hear you feel down. I haven't been in your situation but I just wanted to reassure you that your feelings are definitely valid. You suffered a loss and you don't necessarily get over that quickly just because you're pregnant again. Take care.

phoenixrose314 Tue 08-Jan-13 10:33:57

I am finally pregnant now, five years after I lost my first baby at 13 weeks and been through hell with endometriosis diagnoses and fertility treatments since.

I cried a river on the 29th October (the day I lost my baby), like I had done every year previously. It didn't matter that I was pregnant, because this baby is not a "replacement" for the little girl I lost. They were two separate people, and it's totally natural to grieve.

My DH has no idea either. Sometimes I talk to him about it, sometimes I don't. You did a good thing by coming on here, though... at least we understand and can support each other. Wish I'd thought of that back in October when I was sobbing under a blanket thinking nobody cared but me!

Cry your tears, grieve, and then when you're ready you can go back to looking forward to your new bundle of joy. Much love and hugs to you.

backwardpossom Tue 08-Jan-13 10:27:13

Not at all, I am in a similar situation. I MC'd in May and took 2 cycles to fall pregnant again. I'm due in March, too. My due date was just a few weeks ago and my DH never even mentioned it - I'm not sure he realised. It's totally ok to feel sad sad

allchik Tue 08-Jan-13 10:23:33

Not at all sad i was 20wks on my due date and sobbed my heart out.
Love for ur new baby doesnt take away ur love for the baby you lost x x

wifey6 Tue 08-Jan-13 09:00:19

So sorry for your loss OP.
how wonderful you are pregnant again & due so soon.
I struggled on what would of been our baby's due date (MMC in April) & by that point I was approx 6 weeks pregnant again (currently 14+ weeks)
My DH did know as me & my DM let off sky lanterns & lit a special candle for our baby. I felt it very important to mark my baby, especially on that date.
I hope it passes peacefully for you & just be gentle & kind with yourself. Your feelings are normal. thanks

Empross76 Tue 08-Jan-13 00:05:35

I've been in exactly the same situation and felt exactly the same way. You're not being ungrateful, I think it's a natural feeling, especially since you're full of hormones! My DS is nearly 2 now and I can't regret the miscarriage I had before him because if it hadn't happened I wouldn't have him, I'd have had a different baby. BUT - I do always think of the baby I lost around the miscarriage date and the due date.

FoofFighter Tue 08-Jan-13 00:05:29

Oh yes, you are by no means alone sad

It also hurts when other people forget that it should have been due, especially if it's your other half, I know have been there.

Don't feel guilty for thinking of your baby, it's natural to do so xxx

chubbychipmonk Mon 07-Jan-13 23:57:36

Have a 3 year old DS, had a MC in June then fell pregnant again in first cycle after MC.

Am 30 weeks now but this is when my other baby would've been due & I'm feelin upset about it. My friend fell pregnant at same time so whilst we both now have big bumps etc I cant help thinking about my other baby that would've been due now.

MC is no longer mentioned as obv im pregnant again & don't even think DH has realised this is when our other baby would've been due. Feel silly & guilty for feeling this way because obv I can't wait till March to meet the baby I'm carrying now but just any shake the feeling of sadness that's come over me as lost baby's due date approaches. Feel i cant really talk to anyone about it either without sounding ungrateful for the fact I'm pregnant now. Anyone else been in the same position?

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