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I'm not sure where to put this - relationship advice(27 Posts)
Hi. I've lurked for a bit and to be honest I never really thought my first post would be THIS! I'm nearly 9 weeks pregnant and I'm in a state of shock really. Well... I have a friend (and she's a good woman... she is) who's in a difficult place as she recently had her world turned upside down having recently split from her fiance. My and the boyf invited her to spend NYE with us (so she wasn't on her own). Anyway - boyf is (on the whole) a good man, but he has a thing about 'troubled women' and he likes to be their 'knight in shining armour'. Anyway - I stay off the booze and just eek out a glass of champagne for most the night. We've only told immediate family of 'bean' until I have my dating scan - (then we'll make an announcement). The excuse to my friend was that I am ill with acid reflux - so have to stay off booze. I have a couple of sips of whisky at the bells and then totter off to bed at 2.30am to leave the pair of them drinking. I'm assuming that some of you will know where this is going...
The 'noises' downstairs got a tadge suspicious and I come downstairs to catch the boyf and friend nearly snogging... to be blunt.
Friend is so drunk she can't barely speak. Boyf thinks there's nothing wrong. He tells me that she's tried it 'on'. I stay calm (would you believe) as friend starts rolling on the floor. Boyf starts wrestling friend. I basically say 'right, this has gone on far enough'. Friend curls up into a ball and starts crying. So I take her upstairs and put her to bed telling her that I'm not angry and that everything is OK. As far I know - she's still unaware that I am pregnant. I think she's crying her self to sleep now.
I then pop out for a fag - (sorry - extreme circumstance and I am about to have another as I am mind-f*cked at this moment in time).
Boyf is currently asleep on living room floor.
... the question is... What blunt instrument do I use and what order do I kill them? That was a joke btw... I feel strangely calm - but I am going to have another fag. Sorry - I know but I REALLY need one.
The real question is.... what the absolute holy f*ck do I do now?
Answers on a postcard... etc...
erm... Happy New Year (?!)
I echo JellyMould - take care of yourself.
You sound a very emotionally switched on, articulate and generous-spirited person. I'm concerned you will end up doing a disproportionate amount of 'work' (and overriding of your own feelings, instincts, values) to keep your relationship together. Asperger's doesn't mean (as I'm sure you realise) that everything goes and that he gets carte blanche while you have to put up with everything.
You are also a very, very good friend.
Just don't forget you are in a stage of life where your needs should be coming pretty blimming high up your list.
Look after yourself and hopefully your booking in appointment will go well. Are you going alone so you can have a good chat with the midwife?
As for the first scan, I'll just warn you that this isn't really medically useful prior to 12 weeks (obviously there is the option to check for ectopic pregnancies etc before that, but for the medical tests, 12 weeks is the best point). So don't be disappointed if the midwife doesn't encourage you in that regard.
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