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Going into hospital/birth centre alone(24 Posts)
I'm thinking of going into hospital/birth centre alone when I go into labour. My hubby will drop me off, but he is a softie and I think I'll worry too much about how he is coping rather than just focusing on myself. Has anyone ever gone into labour solo? What are the pros and cons?
How does he feel about this? Isn't he going to feel a bit pushed out if you don't at least give him the option of being there?
FWIW I very much doubt you'll be thinking about him at all when you are in the middle of a contraction. Labour is pretty all consuming, and midwives are pretty experienced at dealing with slightly hopeless men drifting about.
He would like to be there but he is afraid as well, as it'll be completely put of his comfort zone. I have no qualms going on my own, but am I better off going with a birth partner? Does one need the physical support?
I had a quick labour so didn't really need physical support, but I don't think I could've done it without the emotional support of my husband (or at least someone I knew/trusted) there. Personally I found labour to be a huge deal emotionally (it's not just a practical matter of pushing a baby out iyswim). My husband is quite squeamish but he was great (and apart from the baby actually coming out, most of the labour is pretty much squeam-free). Although practically speaking pretty much all he did was put wet cloths on my head/face (as I didn't want anything else, no rubbing, talking, etc), but just knowing he was there made all the difference to me.
It's out of most blokes comfort zones, but most manage to cope.
However if you think you'd do better without him there then have you got a friend or sister who could be your birth partner? You can be a long time in labour and having someone to encourage you is very beneficial.
I had concerns about DH with my first birth as he is a worrier who is prone to anxiety about anything to do with health/illness etc.
He did come to the birth, it was quick and to be honest I could have managed without him in terms of support, however I had a tear that needed attention in theatre so it was him who ended up dressing, holding and doing skin-to-skin etc. with DD for the first hour or 2 after her birth. If he hadn't of been there she would have just been wheeled round after me in her cot (obviously the midwives would have looked after her but you knwo what I'm getting at).
He also really, really appreciated seeing her being born and being involved in those early hours.
As others have said you will be totally focsued on yourself and the labour however much you think you will be worrying about him.
My DH was convinced he would faint - a friend actually put money on it! - but he kept it together even during an emergency CS and was so glad he did - he cut DS's cord & even held him before me (I was still being stitched up!). I would have been a wreck without him, I needed his emotional support, especially when things weren't going smoothly. I also couldn't actually have physically walked in by myself through the contractions! DH has been known to feel weak at the sight of blood from a papercut, but he said it was different, and he'd have really regretted missing the magic moment when you meet your baby for the first time.
Don't do it. I couldn't have coped without his support, from a practical point of view. Don't forget you may be in labour for hours and hours before anything gory happens, during which time you will absolutely need him to fetch you water, paper towels, snacks, magazines etc etc etc. You don't know yet whether you will be on a drip for whatever reason (fluids, antibiotics, hormones etc) and if you are, you'll need him to help you to the loo etc. Change the music, draw the curtains, turn the lights on/off... the list of little things my partner did was endless, and made things so much easier for me.
Of course the midwife can help you with all of the above but do you really want to call her every time you need something?
DH came to the birth centre me for both DC however he is so squeamish, and I sort of go into myself when in labour, that with DC1 I sent him out. He came in just as DS had been born and didn't feel that he had missed out at all, in fact he says he really wasn't happy being my birth partner.
With dc2 he did stay in but it was a much shorter birth, but still freaked him out and I know that he really didn't enjoy it.
There is no law saying that the father has to be present and in fact some people believe that it may slow the birth down.
If I were you, I'd either have a home birth, so hat you will have one to one with a mw or find another birth partner, your DH can always wait outside too
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. How about having him there during the long boring period of labour, and stepping out for the actual pushing part (aka gory bit)? Of course you might both change your mind on the day but you could have that as the provisional plan.
That's what I'm planning to do. I'm a first-time pregnant person but have assisted in deliveries before, and made up my mind then! I'm quite inhibited about my bodily functions (eg physically can't puke in front of other people, heck I can't even pee when someone is within earshot) and I honestly think having someone I know during pushing would kind of put me off But who knows how I'll feel when it comes to it.
twitchy, you do know that you can shit yourself way enforce the pushing part don't you
Before not enforce. Am pissed and tired and now shall go to bed
One of my single mummy friends did it all by herself.
she is very proud of the fact too.
she and her baby (4 year old) are fine
JiltedJohnsJulie - lalala I can't hear you
<retreats into complete denial at horrors that await>
I drove myself to hospital and met DH there. He had to go home to get my bag so went from 2cm - 10cm (in only 40 mins) while he wasn't there. By the time he arrived the drugs had kicked in and it was all systems go. I sent him out of the room for much of it - you don't need an extra person to think about - and the midwife (who i'd never set eyes on before) was remarkable and i put my trust in her. I was however glad to have him there for the EMCS, so have him there but outside the door.
In times gone by it was assumed that there were no men in on the delivery. Nowadays it is assumed that your oh will be there with you. I don't think either of these assumptions are correct. You need to do what feels right for you. I wanted my oh there, it worked out for us.
my friend didn't want hers. She sent him packing halfway through labour as he was getting on her nerves she delivered quickly and recovered quickly. Another friend had her ex there as her birth partner. I think their poor relationship contributed to her extremely long and exhausting labour.
Emotional support is great. Who is the best person to be there for you?
I will be there alone as baby dad has disappeared...idiot!!! I think the midwives will be ace...fingers crossed. I do have friends to call though that I can trust to come in for times and offer support etc depending on their own childcare. Good luck
lolo you will be fine and sounds like you are coping really well already. Had to at your name, lolo is what we called BM because I didn't want the DC shouting "I want booby milk now!" In tesco
leaf you are so right.
twitchy . Believe me, you won't even care if you shit yourself
Thank you everyone! I think I've got a while to decide, and after we attend ante-natal classes we will both have a clearer idea of what to expect If I get a doula, I might just take her with me and he can potter around in the waiting room till the actual moment of birth comes
If you can't have DH there I would urge you to have someone as a birth partner if possible, or even better a doula.
As Scandy mentioned having someone there for practical support alone is great. You have no idea in advance how long you will be in and having someone to fetch magazines,drinks etc is very valuable. I had a very long 3 day induction followed by EMCS.
In the latter stages of labour I couldn't actually speak at all and off his own back (he doesn't usually display alot of initiative!) DH arranged for a different midwife as one we had was a complete cow, asked the consultant all the right questions and was basically able to be my spokesperson as well as just reassuring me and so on.
I really could not have got through it without him. I thought in advance he would just annoy me! His reward was that he got to hold dd for the first hour of her life whilst I was being stitched up and he will remember that forever.
If your DH might not be great with the actual coming out part then you might be ok for that part as I think by then alot of women are in a zone and focussing on the midwife. But you should def think about having him there for the earlier stages so he can help you.
Also try to make sure he understands your birth plan/preferences so that he can discuss things on your behalf and make decisions if necessary if you're not able to.
Dont mean to scare you just best to be prepared. I think that if someone did turn up alone then the mws would probably take extra special care of you.
I found that I didn't need DH for the kind of 'support' they mentioned at antenatal classes. I think he was mildly disappointed that I didn't need a soothing massage, haha.
BUT it was great just knowing he was there, plus it was good for practical reasons. I had an epidural which slowed the labour right down, and would have missed his company then. Plus was handy to have him to help me to the bathroom, get drinks, etc etc. And he was great straight after the birth, held DS while I had stitches, phoned everyone to tell them the news, gave me moral support with breastfeeding...
He will regret it terribly if he misses it.
You two NEED to be in it together if only to have some shared experience to talk about years later. I find it really sad that you'd do it without him.
I will be giving birth alone this time and I am looking forward to it.
I'm a single parent and exp will be taking care of our ds3 (hopefully) so even if I wanted him there he couldn't be.
Hopefully this labour will follow the pattern of my other labours (fast and easy) and I will be off my face on gas and air the whole time so won't notice being alone. At ds3s birth I didn't even speak to exp or realise he was there.
Chestnut, mine doesn't. He's quite happy to have come in the room once DS had arrived.
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