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I need to do a test obviously but eeeek, what if I am?(9 Posts)
I have name changed. Not even sure I am in the right topic?
Had a baby 2 years ago after IVF and have
not really bothered at all been very slap-dash with contraception. So if I am this is totally my fault.
Basically we don't have sex much, I figured I am infertile plus I am almost 43 and still breastfeeding. I am now 3 days late and this is very unusual for me.
If I were younger I might not be so freaked out but all I can think is 'how am I going to love another child like I do my first?' and then 'how the hell will we afford this?'.
I have been back in full-time work for over a year and it's really good for me, I don't want to give it up but am scared that we're going to have a period of time with two lots of nursery fees and then a whole lot of juggling with nursery/school/childcare etc. is it harder with 2 or do you just have to firm up your routines?
Yet people manage, don't they? There'll be an age difference of 2.7 years, if I had the time to plan this I would have had a bigger age gap so the nursery fees weren't so bad. We planned to move to get DS nearer better schools but that's not going to be possible if I am pregnant. DH is going to stress out completely though obviously he has a part to play in this too. Our relationship is good but very stressed at times since having our son. We had both said we would just have one but both did nothing to sort out contraception. I look at people with 2 young kids and I seriously don't know how they stay sane.
Sensible head says just get on with it, DS will have a sibling, of course I will love a new baby, tell DH, do a test.... I am just scared. I might not even be pregnant!
Please calm me down, I am in work and can't get a test yet. This is so different to when I was desperate for a baby and I don't know how to handle it.
. . . And breathe!!! Fist things first. . Take a test! You're worrying about things that you dont even know for sure has happened yet.
Would it be the worst possible outcome if you were pregnant?
ok, calm down. first you need to take a test to find out for sure. second, if you are pregnant, you WILL manage with two children. honestly you will. it will be fine. the jump between 1 and 2 is nowhere near as traumatic as going from no children to 1 - or at least i didnt find it to be. its natural to worry about something as big as a pregnancy i think, even if its meticulously planned i think it can still be a shock.
take the test and then you will know what you're dealing with...
If you are you have 9 months to get used to it and look at budgeting, getting prepared. You will also have the practical knowledge you didn't have last time in terms of baby care so whilst balancing baby and Ds's needs may be tricky at times you won't be starting from scratch. Also DS will be of an age where he can get involved and will be a little more independent (may even be out of nappies before baby arrives)
Also, childcare wise, your DS will qualify for 15 free nursery hours so this will reduce his childcare costs.
With regards to loving another, I think all mums worry about this but my friends say that your love just expands to fit your family!
Try not to worry too much until you know for certain tho. You could be late for many reasons!
It's possible that it's nothing to do with being pregnant, and you're just having a weirdy late cycle. It could be the start of the menopause. It could be anything really.
If you needed IVF to conceive the first time then that makes it less likely you'll be pregnant without intervention though obvs it's still possible.
I'm sorry you feel so worried. It will be Ok, pregnancy is never at the perfect time for anyone, imo, you just kind of get on with it and ddeal with it as best you can, and it will be alright x
thank you. And breathe.
I don't think I want another baby but then I assume thw reason I have been so lax is because I want it to maybe happen.
I'll try to get a test. I think the thing I am most scared of is telling my DH. He's lovely but this is not in his plans.
Then he could have used a condom. Don't let him put all this on you. Both of you knew what might happen though obviously with having to have IVF to have your son it wasn't unreasonable to expect to not get pregnant.
Go out at lunch and get a test. If it is positive you have a few hours before you see your DH.
A difference of nearly 3 years years isn't all that close together - you'll be fine. As my (super mum) friend with two under two says 'to start with you cope because you have to, but once you stop worrying about not coping, you cope because actually you find you can'.
Now go get a test, and fingers crossed to get the result that in your heart you want.
Fwiw I have 2 boys 2 years and 3 months apart. It was hectic to begin with, but not impossible. Now they are 6 and 8 and are best friends...life is so much easier for me than the few friends I have with only children. They days when one has a play date are much harder for me!
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