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Having a boy would be awesome having a girl would be awesome but the thought scares me!???

(7 Posts)
Tashymondo Fri 16-Nov-12 10:49:00


So this is my second pregnancy after losing my son last year.

Today I decided to use a Chinese gender calendar and it said I was was gonna have a girl. My initial reaction was oh, not yey... Just... oh.

Since the loss of Zain last year all my DF and I wanted was a healthy baby that is all we still want yet when I used the gender calendar I was like oh and then felt worried.

When I told my DF he turned and said never mind??? Why was this our reaction?? Are we bad people? A little girl would be awesome!!

As long as the baby was healthy any sex will do!!

So why am I anxious at the thought of having a girl??


milkyjo Fri 16-Nov-12 11:02:26

Do you think you're so anxious because its a baby? No matter what sex it is you might feel the same whether its a boy or girl. Your loss is so recent that you are bound to feel very emotional and worried about a new pregnancy. Those chinese gender calendars are just nonsense if you ask me. I did one for my already born son and it said girl. But besides that, it doesn't matter what sex it is as you are not replacing your son, but adding to your family. Will you find out the sex of your baby at the scan?

Tashymondo Fri 16-Nov-12 11:17:11

Probably will find out the sex as that is what we wanted to do last time. I really don't care what it is I just want to keep this one.

My reaction just made me feel ungrateful and I was surprised by it.

I have always been worried about how hard society makes life for girls and how hard my life was. I am looking far to far forward I think!

Maybe I should just focus on the pregnancy and take it a step at a time rather then planning its life and preparing for the trials and tribulations of young adulthood.

Lol what a loony I am!

tiredteddy Fri 16-Nov-12 11:25:44

Wait and see what they say at a scan. I dud the Chinese gender calendar for both my DS and it says girl both times so wrong. We asked at our 20 week scan thus time for dc3 and were told girl. This would be lovely but as nothing is 100% accurate I will wait and see what happens in January. I think it's natural for you ti favour a boy as you lost one. the idea of a son is what you are used to. When you have your scan and know what your baby is you will be able to plan and get excited. Don't feel bad. Pregnancy brings out all kinds of strange reactions in us.

jellybeans Fri 16-Nov-12 11:47:58

I lost 2 DDs and had boys afterwards. Was over moon for healthy babies and didn't mind at all boy or girl (we had 2 older DD also). But when we found out it was hard as in some ways was relieved it was a different gender and not the same as one we lost but in another way it was a finality that we would never have DD3 and 4 like we should have had. Hard to explain.

Dogsmom Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:37

So sorry to hear about your loss.

Did you have a preference the first time? A lot of us do and it's nothing to be ashamed of, I was really hoping for a girl and did all the old wives tricks plus the gender predictor and they all said boy and each time I had a pang of disappointment followed by guilt, however the gender scan plus the 20 week scan showed a girl, I was over the moon then felt guilty for feeling so relieved! It's a no win situation.

Just because you have a preference doesn't mean you would put gender above health.

Regarding society I do think girls seem more of a responsibility, my husband was also really hoping for a girl but went quiet for about an hour after finding out, he said the enormity of it was overwhelming because he knows what boys are like and feels super protective of her lol, he has a son from a previous marriage and said he will shake his hand when he gets a girlfriend but is dreading the day our daughter starts liking boys smile

Tashymondo Fri 16-Nov-12 17:28:06

Thank. You ladies. I actually do not have a preference this time first time I was scared at the thought of having a girl and really wanted a boy but my dad there DF told me he wanted a girl as in a previous relationship he had 2 boys and looked brought up his exwifes little girl. He loved the boy but had a real special bond with the girl.

Every since then I have loved the idea of either sex and since loosing Zain I just wanted a healthy baby.

Thank you tiredteddy maybe you are right all this time as since loosing Zain it has been natural for me to think of a boy when imaging the future then a girl.

Yes thank you dogsmon that is true also, having a preference does not mean that I have would put the gender above the health of the baby.

Thank you for sharing your story Jellybean I can imagine that if I did have a girl she would be the centre of my world but I would still like you find it hard in some ways as other loss of Zain would be a finality I guess with a different gender.

All in all the baby is going to be very very loved and more then wanted no matter what. I just think whatever the sex we will as parents be extremely over protective and want the best for this one.

Sorry for the late replies my morning sickness has had me in be the whole time sleeping. I just feel so drained how are you people coping. I was sick from work yesterday and today I slept in was ill when I woke made me and DF breakfast then had a nasty head ache so went to bed and only woke up about half an hour ago. Hard work this pregnancy gig! Roll on second trimester!! XxX

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