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Controlling mother or is she speaking sense? WWYD?(18 Posts)
I'm 40+2, feeling fine and haven't lost my mucous plug so probably not likely to go into labour anytime soon.
I'm going to see Twilight tomorrow morning but will be going on my own as I don't know of anyone else who wants to go see it. The cinema is a 20 minute drive from home and 5 minute drive (if that) from the hospital so if anything should happen, it's not far or I could get a taxi.
Now my mother is adamant that I shouldn't be driving/going on my own and is insisting that she take me, go shopping and pick me up. I'm a very independent person and like my own company so am struggling with her putting me under this pressure.
To understand my dilemma I must say that my mum is VERY controlling and thinks the way other people do things is totally wrong if it's not how she would do it. She still harps on about my 11 year old niece's birth and how stressed SHE was and how SHE found out about it because it's not how SHE wanted to find out (even though she wasn't in the hospital at the time and my sister had her reasons for telling her when she did).
I have told my mother that I won't be telling her when I go into the first stages of labour as I can't be stressed about her being stressed and I do think that this is why she's telling me I can't be on my own - because she can't stand the thought of not knowing every detail, so being with me is her way of controlling me/the situation.
Do you think I'm being silly by going to the cinema on my own? Or should I give in to her? I really don't want to give in as that will send her the message that if she pushes me hard enough she can control me!
If you've read this far, thank you!!
You are not being silly at all. Just go you will be fine.
You are not silly to go on your own. Don't be ordered about by your Mum. I predict many, many battles ahead. Good luck. Here's a phrase that I used often, with both parents and ILs. " I'll decide. I don't parent by committee". Repeat as often as necessary.
1st baby? You should have plenty of time to get home. For what it's worth my second (1st was induced) I started with mild period type pains at about 3pm, didn't have my show till 7:30pm, thought nothing much was happening that night at about 9pm so had a paracetamol and tried to go to sleep. Things ramped up about 11ish, midwives came (home birth) just after midnight and DS came at 2:30am. I could have driven easily until about 9pm as I'd had much worse periods!
On the other hand one of my NCT friends ran out her batteries in her tens machine as had 3 days of pains before she was dilated enough to go in (both times).
Moral of the story, listen to your body, don't push yourself but if you feel ok then go for it. (Oh, and if you're thinking of using a tens machine, make sure you have plenty of batteries!)
It sounds like this is your first child, and if so the chances are that when you start labour it will go pretty slowly. I don't think there's any problem with you going to the cinema yourself. However, if you did happen to go into labour at the cinema I would advise against driving home, and then someone would have to collect your car which would be inconvenient. So in your position I would gratefully accept the lift. However, my mother is not controlling in the slightest so if you don't feel comfortable about it then it's certainly not foolhardy of you to refuse her offer.
If this helps - I will be 13 days overdue tomorrow. I am going - alone also .
I am driving for 2 hours a day on the school run also.
I think your mum is being overprotective, but it is a nice offer... why not let her if it makes her happy, and make a nice day of it? Go for lunch before or after?
Thanks everyone! I feel much better now and not so much a selfish, b**ch of a daughter!
It is my first and I'm sure my mother thinks that the baby will just fall out of me if I go over a pothole lol!
Detective - you don't live in south Wales by chance!? We could've gone together
I like your phrase Stormy - I will be stealing that one!
Also, note to self - put batteries on my shopping list lol!
She's talking shite ;) I was at the cinema at 41 weeks by myself last time. I have no one that can chauffeur me anyway - how does she think people living away from their family deal with things?
Stop telling her what you're doing. She'll probably stalk you to the cinema now.
If you're in the west of Scotland you can take my dd1 who is gagging to go but I won't
Have a nice time. Stay away from controlling mother, she'll only get worse (voice of sad - now estranged -experience!)
I drove myself and 2 children home 25 miles while in labour last time. And the second time went a did a quick food shop after realising I was in early labour.
You'll have plenty of time, its not like you see on tv!
Blimey I always go overdue so with my 4th I went out for the day with a friend and my 3 other children to a city 2 hours away 10 days overdue!!!! Took my notes and tens machine that was it
Loving that everyone carried on as normal after their due dates - sometimes I wonder if I should be sitting in the house, with someone babysitting me, eating pineapple lol!
schobe - my mum did actually joke that she'd follow me - but I know that in her head that would be sensible
weegie - shame I didn't live nearer, I would have loved to take your DD1. I try to keep a certain amount of distance from her but she's so clever at saying things in a certain way that makes me feel guilty, I often wonder if I am a horrible cow! Her and my sister haven't spoken for 2 months - my sister is so much happier but my mum makes me feel guilty about it!! She only has one friend in our area and doesn't talk to any of her family as she constantly criticises and judges people and I feel bad about that too!!
Sorry for the rant there - I am trying to get hubby to move away but knowing her, she'll then decide to move closer to us!!
Do what you want ignore your Mum if you want you know your body better than anyone. Enjoy the cinema we never get the chance to go since DS was born the main thing I miss x x
Carry your phone and mat notes and enjoy being free. To be able to go to the cinema on your own, wow. Am currently bfing baby so can't even go to make tea..
The first baby is the only time you get the luxury of thinking "ooh, should I do things differently cos I maybe about to have the baby?" anyway.
Do you have an answer-machine that you can use to screen calls? And one where you can turn the sound off, so you needn't hear the messages at all if you don't want to? If not, get one sorted asap. And does your Mum have a key to your house? If so, get it back.
Enjoy the film!
(I can't remember the last film I saw that wasn't a Sat am Kids cheapie, sigh)
In my first labour I could have watched 28 movies between things beginning and DD arriving - you'll have plenty of time!
Go go go. On your own. Have fun
You'll be fine. Don't let your mum tell you what to do. If she is very controlling
I would also suggest in advance, to decide what you want to do for Christmas and stick to it rigidly. I initially gave into my mum wanting her first grandchild (my oldest) to be at her house for Christmas and regretted it ever since. 16 years later and she still kicks up a stink every year when I don't want to drag my four (soon to be five) children to hers, to stay for Christmas.
Stay strong with your mum and remember its your child and not hers, to raise how you want.
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