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Just been traumatised by midwife appointment - not really sure why

(12 Posts)
Hippolyta20 Tue 13-Nov-12 13:08:11

Just been for my second mid wife appointment (18 weeks). Found it really scary then came home, cried on DH and had a massive nose bleed while cuddling the dog - not even really sure why! confused
Was very slightly late (about 3 mins) so they gave my appointment to someone else and I had to wait nearly an hour so got a bit nervous while waiting I guess. Then when I got to the room there were 3 midwifes! It was a small room and they were all physically big (tall/broad) and I'm pretty small so I think I found that physically intimidating. Then one did leave so left with two (one standing over me the other sat with me).
They weren't rude or unkind but lots of questions, prodding and testing (for my own good I know).
I did have questions but when they asked I said I didn't because I jsut wanted to leave and go home.
Feeling a bit daft. Also disappointed because heard my babies heart beat for the first time and it should have been amazing but I just felt like kind of on trial or some kind of science experiment. sad
Am I really weird?

philbee Tue 13-Nov-12 13:32:15

No, you're not weird. It sounds like a stressful situation. It's one thing being professional or friendly and another to set up an atmosphere that's friendly. When I was in labour with DD the midwives were very friendly, but there was a student in the room who just sat there. DH asked them to get her out - it was creating a really weird atmosphere and I felt like she was just bored and fed up. It's much harder if you're on your own though. I'm sorry, it's very disappointing. Hope your next one's better. Did they tell you who the other midwives were?

JRsandCoffee Tue 13-Nov-12 13:47:06

No you are not being weird. I've been so lucky to see the same lovely midwife all the way through but friends pregnant at the same time have not and had some pretty traumatic appointments! It all just sounds intimidating to me and I know how hard it is to actually say that you aren't comfortable with one of the people in the room. One of my appointments contained a doctor in training.......I wasn't happy about his bored superior expression (might actually have been my 18 weeker too as remember not thinking "wow" about the HB and feeling sad about that), found I forgot all my questions for lovely midwife and yet didn't have the nerve to ask for him to leave..... So no, you are definately not being weird!

LittleBairn Tue 13-Nov-12 14:01:57

Your not mad I had a very is similar experience (made worse by horrible midwife) in a small room with 2 midwives and DH.
I imagine your reaction was down to anxiety, your late feel bad about it then have to face 3 midwives that is pretty intimidating.
Next time I would ask why there is two midwives, you shouldn't have to ask ideally because they should introduce themselves and explain their roles, but if they don't ask then if you feel it's unnecessary to have them both request that one leaves.

10storeylovesong Tue 13-Nov-12 14:22:24

I know how you feel and mine wasnt even half as bad.I had what should have been a 16 week apt yday but dates had been put back so only 14.5 weeks and it seemed midwife dismissed me slightly. She was lovely but I felt rushed in and out and ended up sat crying at her when she said she we were done as I had loads of questions and felt I hadn't had chance to ask them.

Try to put it down as a bad experience and hopefully they'll be much better from now on.

Hippolyta20 Tue 13-Nov-12 14:52:49

Thank you. Glad I am not going mad smile.
To be fair to the midwifes they did say who they were and one was training. Just felt quite intimidated.
Should really have said I felt uncomfortable but didn't want to seem rude/over sensitive.
Perhaps next time I should take DH or a friend with me to even things up a bit!

dontcarehow Tue 13-Nov-12 17:34:02

perhaps because they were training they tried to be overly clinical and proper about it to show what needs to be done but unfortunately that doesnt allow for much comforting. either way i wouldnt take it personally. have some chocolate and try to forget about it :-)

reikizen Tue 13-Nov-12 17:39:25

you are being a bit weird tbh, crying and having a nosebleed following a routine appointment. Try to put it into perspective and enjoy your pregnancy, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations of your care?

Bunnychan Tue 13-Nov-12 17:46:00

I had midwife phone me up and have a go at me about something that was their mistake!!! I'll admit I'm more sensitive these days but that was my first encounter with a midwife ever and my stubborn self has decided I don't like them! Lol! I'm sorry it didn't feel positive and nice but there's probably hormones playing on your stress; try and remember how the heartbeat sounded and dwell on that rather than the negative (easier said, I know) x

LightsOnNobodyHome Tue 13-Nov-12 17:57:08

It sounds as if you got yourself very wound up before you even went in the room. Was there something bothering you or worrying you before the appt? Or do you think you're just having a bad day? I ask because tbh it does seem a little odd to find a routine mw appt 'traumatic', 'really scary' and 'intimidating'.

It sounds as if you've been a bit taken aback by what the appts will involve. The prodding, questioning and testing is generally for a good reason smile (don't worry about not being overwhelmed by hearing the HB, btw). It's quite tricky to palpate an abdomen without standing over the woman, tbh!

Perhaps take dh next time?

snala Tue 13-Nov-12 17:57:11

I think you need to get a grip to be honest. ( in the nicest possible way)
How are you going to cope with blood tests, scans, urine tests etc? Not to mention internals etc when you're in labour .
It was just a couple of midwives and a routine appointment.

Splinters Tue 13-Nov-12 21:27:50

I don't think you do need to get a grip actually. You have a right to feel comfortable with the care you receive, and having someone standing right over you usually doesn't help. Am rather amazed that they had so many midwives they could put three in one room though! Fwiw I had a horrible 16 week appt and left furious and determined that I would refuse to let that mw touch me if I ever saw her again, but I calmed down after I had the chance to explain to one of the GPs exactly why I was so unhappy. And when I did see that mw again, it turned out to be ok actually.

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