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18+4 and no heartbeat with doppler- please tell me what to do :-(

(141 Posts)
jkb Mon 05-Nov-12 23:27:24


I am 18+4 and have a doppler & have been finding the heartbeat within seconds since i was about 12 weeks. I have been having problems & so i always doppler twice a day (I have a huge clot in my womb which has caused 2 massive bleeds- last one at 16 weeks). The heart was fine this morning- now this even- despite me trying for over 1 hour- NOTHING- i am very skilled at using a doppler as was shown by a previous midwife. Could my baby have died- i cant sleep now- i dont know what to do :-(

aimingtobeaperfectionist Mon 04-Feb-13 19:41:20

How are you doing? There's always someone here if you need to talk.

jkb Mon 04-Feb-13 19:31:59

Thank you everyone for all your kindness xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

rainand Fri 25-Jan-13 22:43:40

Really sorry for your loss sad

chubbychipmonk Fri 25-Jan-13 22:18:06

thanks So sorry for your loss. . . Don't have anything else to add other than we're all thinking of you x

PinkFondantFancy Sun 11-Nov-12 22:52:32

I'm so sorry for your loss. Little Matthew sounds like he was beautiful, I'm glad you were able to spend some time with him. Thinking of you both this evening x

hellymelly Sat 10-Nov-12 23:49:00

I'm glad you were able to spend time with your beautiful baby boy. I've been thinking of you. I hope the placenta has resolved, a friend had retained placenta and did have to go back in for a d+c, but it was about a week-10 days after she had given birth.
I'm sure your friends and family wouldn't expect you to do anything other than cry right now, what else could you do? they will understand. Be kind to yourself, cry all you like, I hope you are surrounded by love.

Iceaddict Sat 10-Nov-12 23:03:03

Really sorry for you and your family op, thinking of you sad

looneytune Sat 10-Nov-12 22:52:21

I've just read this and wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. RIP baby Matthew, I'm pleased you were able to spend time with him, I feel that is really important. Thinking of you x

pinkyp Sat 10-Nov-12 21:39:41

So so sorry for your loss sad

amazingmumof6 Sat 10-Nov-12 19:45:54

I'm so sorry for loosing Matthew, I've been thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.

allow yourselves to grieve however long it takes.

cry, scream if you need to. cuddle your kids and hubby

talk about it and keep talking about it

write a diary

keep whatever he wore or was wrapped in near you

remember to explain to kids you are not mad at them (my kids used to get worried, they thought they did something wrong)

in fact what helped me most was answering any questions my children had and talking to them.
even if it broke my heart the sweetest thing they said was that they missed her and wished she could be here playing with them sad

the hardest thing apart from right now will be the first "anniversary" of everything that's just happened/will be happening.
and I know you can't imagine it now, but there will be a time when you will be able to think of him without crying

I hope you find these thoughts comforting in some level

mosschops30 Sat 10-Nov-12 18:17:38

Im so sorry for your loss sad i dont have any words that could even hope to ease your pain

lotsofcheese Sat 10-Nov-12 18:05:51

Oh my darling - I'm so sorry. What a beautiful name for your little boy. Fly high, little one.

I wish I had more adequate words for you; all I can say is please take care of yourself, allow others to help & grieve for your beautiful baby boy xxxx

Dillydollydaydream Sat 10-Nov-12 16:57:11

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful little one, Matthew. Take care x

lunar1 Sat 10-Nov-12 14:38:33

I am sat sobbing reading your update, I can't think of any words, I am just so sorry for the loss of Matthew.

Bluestocking Sat 10-Nov-12 14:35:03

So glad your husband and mother are taking good care of you and the family. You don't have to talk to anyone until you're ready, and you can cry as much as you want to. Lots of love to you and dear baby Matthew.

something2say Sat 10-Nov-12 13:56:49

Hello my dear, just wanted to come on to see how you were and having seen, to give you a long cuddle on my metaphorical knee. I think crying is ok for now, and that's it. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxx

jkb Sat 10-Nov-12 13:37:39

my husband is being amazing & is also so very sad.... my mother is helping out with my other children. But i just dont want to talk to my friends & sisters...i feel there is nothing to say- if I talk I just blub & I have no words to say. xxxxx

Bluestocking Sat 10-Nov-12 13:29:55

I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm so glad you were able to give baby Matthew some motherly love, I'm sure he was beautiful in every way. Do you have people around you to take care of you and give you some love? Thinking of you. xx

Moominsarescary Sat 10-Nov-12 13:21:43

I'm so sorry, were 14 months on from loosing Jacob. I found the time up to what should have been his due date especially bad. It was only when we got past that date that I turned a corner and things started to get easier.I found talking about him, even if it was just on here to people who had gone through similar experiances helped.

If you start a thread in bereavement there are usually lots of people around to offer support. I found it very difficult talking to friends nd family about how I was feeling.

I don't know what you should do about the retained placenta, hopefully it will come away on it's own, however I think it was extremly negligent of them to not have made sure it was intact. If it doesn't make an appointment with your consultant. They should offer you one anyway. I saw mine for my post natal so we could talk through what would happen if I decided to become pregnant in the future.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I will be thinking of you, your family and baby Matthew xx

fraktion Sat 10-Nov-12 12:56:35

RIP baby Matthew. I'm glad you got to see him and spend time with him.

Rosa Sat 10-Nov-12 12:43:14

jkb - so very sorry for you . How ever I wanted to say that I also had a retained placenta and I was given some drops to help me contract and eliminate - however they also did a 'gentle' so they said d&C 3 days after I gave birth. Howver I am in a different country. I wish I could remember the name of teh drops I was also given them afterwards and they did work ....

jkb Sat 10-Nov-12 12:27:29

Thank you for all your support. I am a complete mess- i dont know hw I am going to get through this- it scares me that I will never feel anything but this again.
My beautiful little angel Matthew was born Thursday at 2pm weighing 170g & 15.5cm crown to rump. He was perfect- fully formed- even had finger nails.

Its the worst thing I have ever had to deal with & im scared i wont cope. I held him for 5 hours, i touched & kissed every little part of him & took so many pictures. Saying goodbye was hardest thing ever- I want him so bad.
I havent stopped crying for days, I am trying to stay strong for my other chidren, but I just cant....what the hell am i going to do

Yesterday I had something hanging out of me.... i went back & i have some plancenta retained! they managed to get some of the retained bits out from my cervix- but said they can see more up inside & too dangerous to do a D & C or go up in my womb as I have just given birth & my womb can be easily damanged as will be very fragile? I am on 2 strong antibiotics & they hope I will pass the bits.....but they didnt seem to know what else to do?
but what if I dont?? my husband is so worried im going to be left infertile or need a D & C which could cause my future problems with a pregnancy? Im a complete mess- physically & mentally sad

lunar1 Fri 09-Nov-12 17:14:54

still thinking of you.

something2say Thu 08-Nov-12 22:33:00

Caught this while browsing. So very sorry jkb. Thinking of you and shed a little tear x

amazingmumof6 Thu 08-Nov-12 21:22:36

I've just picked this up - I'm so sorry you have to go through this, my heart goes out to you. Loosing a child at any age is just the worst thing...

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