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Feeling guilty about not feeling more grateful

(25 Posts)
SecretSparkle Mon 05-Nov-12 13:09:18

I'm 7+2 and am having a real issue with guilt at the moment.

We were trying for 12 months, had our fertility clinic appointment booked for the end of November, but conceived naturally. Obviously I'm over the moon, we both are. and so so grateful that we dont need to go through the stress of assisted conception.

but its really hard to keep that level of gratefulness up when Im throwing up 3/4/5 times a day. I feel like every time I'm sick I should just bounce back up and be all "well it's all for a good cause" rather than wanting to either sit on the bathroom floor and cry, or go back to bed and subsequently cry because I feel so incredibly foul!!!

Please will someone tell me this is normal? that it doesn't make me a bad person that I'm not enjoying morning sickness!!

forgetmenots Mon 05-Nov-12 13:11:20

Hilarious that we posted almost opposite threads at the same time (mine is 'not feeling pregnant')
Hopefully my thread will help you - your post has really helped me feel more thankful for not being ill! I hope it eases for you soon. You are in no way a bad person! I just wish I could have it once smile

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood Mon 05-Nov-12 13:11:23

Obviously you're thrilled but you are still allowed to be sick ans tired and winge about it. Later you'll be huge, knackered and fed up and you're allowed to winge then too grin

tamster83 Mon 05-Nov-12 13:45:37

lol your not a bad person at all I don't think nothing can quite prepare you for pregnancy and all the hormones that go along with It and I don't know anybody that enjoys the morning sickness , feeling tired all the time and wanting to cry a lot . hopefully it will past and you will enter the glowing /blooming stage . good luck and congratulations .

DoodleAlley Mon 05-Nov-12 13:46:08

We were trying for a while and had all but given up when I discovered I was pregnant.

Felt miserable all thru morning (afternoon, evening) sickness. And thought I'd get excited once it improved.

17 weeks in and the sickness is improving a little but I can't get it in my head that I'm pg even though this is my second.

I work on the basis that things will get more real and exciting once I can really feel their movements. And when they are born you fall in love with them.

You're not unusual the sickness is unrelenting and totally demoralising. You see these blossoming pregnant women in the media and expect to "glow" but that's not the reality for so many women.

Hold in there you're not alone

Dogsmom Mon 05-Nov-12 13:49:08

It's taken me 3 years to get pregnant and I'm hating it, the sickness until week 16 was vile and debilitating and now at 22 weeks nothing fits, I get nosebleeds, heart palpitations, tiredness and breathlessness.
I'm dreading tri 3 with the extra fatness and childbirth HOWEVER it doesn't mean I don't want my daughter as much as anyone else, she's incredibly loved already.

Allow yourself to feel rubbish, have a good cry and feel sorry for yourself, there's nothing wrong with it, pregnancy doesn't suit everyone but we'll both be fantastic mothers once they're here.

whatchagonna Mon 05-Nov-12 13:52:06

Totally normal. Not only are you dealing with hormonal changes and horrible physical symptoms, but you're also coping with a change in the 'norm': you were trying for 12m so to suddenly be in a different 'place' (even a different Mumsnet forum!) takes a lot of mental adjustment.

I also think that for any woman trying to get pregnant, whilst you're trying it seems like getting the BFP will immediately result in a baby: realising it's quite a long slog to delivery takes a bit of coming to terms with also.

dietcokeandwine Mon 05-Nov-12 13:53:42

It's normal! Please don't feel guilty.

I am 28 weeks into a 'miracle' third pregnancy that we thought we'd need assisted conception to achieve (have had IVF previously). And I am so so grateful to be pregnant but would have to admit I've hated really not enjoyed my actual pregnancy at all so far - have been really sick and tired and just generally felt bleeurgh. I've given up all hope of ever glowing and just counting down the days really.

So I hear what you're saying, and you're not a bad person! Hopefully you will start feeling better once you get nearer the second trimester (I did in both my previous pregnancies, just not this one unfortunately!) but in the meantime it really is a case of taking things one day at a time.

SecretSparkle Mon 05-Nov-12 14:17:54

Thanks ladies, you've made me feel bundles better smile

It's nice to know I'm normal!!

F1rstT1meMummy Mon 05-Nov-12 14:24:28

It's totally normal- I hated being pregnant and have just found out I am pregnant again. And all I am doing is dreading how awful I may feel - but this time I know how wonderfully amazing being a mummy can begrin

I think there is a pressure to be blooming in pregnancy but the reality for me is that it was the worst nine months of my life and in actual fact, after my dd was born was a walk in the park in comparison to how I was feeling!

The MS should improve- I found acupuncture made a massive difference to me! I also found taking pregnacare vits made me sick as a dog last time.

I think you should eat what you fancy, don't pressure yourself too much to eat things if you don't fancy them.

I hope you feel better soon

KatieTrancoso Mon 05-Nov-12 14:37:09

I've been feeling just awful too, mine's all day, by the evening i can on,y crawl in to bed it's so bad. I found myself wishing I wasn't pregnant the other day and spent an hour crying and feeling sorry for myself in the bathroom. We had also just started seeing a fertility doctor but conceived naturally, so it is wanted...just not like this! Poor DH, I'm such a mess. Like some people say above, I think the only way forwards is to take it day by day and take advantage of those small moments when you feel ok. And rest rest rest! Hard when you're used to being busy. Before I got pregnant I misguidedly thought I would carry on with my chance! I feel dizzy when I stand up, let alone jumping on a treadmill. Thinking of you, and hoping it gets better for all of us who are going through this!

carrielou2007 Mon 05-Nov-12 14:38:20

Totally normal and totally worth it when you have your baby smile it's a but like childbirth, you never forget the pain but time helps grin totally totally worth it all I promise smile

dontcarehow Mon 05-Nov-12 19:25:52

i felt exactly the same despite conceiving on clomid after trying for 2 years. think of it this way, its the baby that you want, not the pregnancy. i'm seriously convinced i'm not going to try for another after feeling like this. it's godawful. you will get through it, and at least if you're not telling people yet you dont have to explain how you feel. and also, you're probably at the mercy of hormones at the moment so tgat cant be helping. hope it gets better soon!

dontcarehow Mon 05-Nov-12 19:27:05

i felt exactly the same despite conceiving on clomid after trying for 2 years. think of it this way, its the baby that you want, not the pregnancy. i'm seriously convinced i'm not going to try for another after feeling like this. it's godawful. you will get through it, and at least if you're not telling people yet you dont have to explain how you feel. and also, you're probably at the mercy of hormones at the moment so tgat cant be helping. hope it gets better soon!

Tashymondo Mon 05-Nov-12 20:10:47

I was feeling guilty for being passed off and upset about being ill, seen as I lost a baby last year you would think my reaction would be that of a person who won the lottery every time I vomit or feel nauseous, alas this is not how I feel.
It is easy to forget that morning sickness is a good sign of development and hormonal balance, when all you want is sympathy sleep and to keep a melt down.

I feel like a reject super hero.. special powers:- heighten sense of smell and the ability to projectile vomit on queue. I feel less then attractive but hey I can smell an unwashed person from half a mile away.. How should I use my new special powers for good or for evil??

Roll on second trimester or at least the end of morning sickness and they I can be grateful and guilt free!! XxX

Phew feels better to moan, man I love my fetus!!!! XxX

TwitchyTail Mon 05-Nov-12 20:38:56

Give yourself a break. I was so sick that I hated the first 17 weeks of pregnancy and made jolly sure everyone knew about it. I even publicly berated my fetus and shocked my mother by saying "this baby had better be worth it". No guilt whatsoever - it's horrible being that ill!

It's only in the last few weeks, when I've felt human again, that I've been able to start thinking about the baby and getting a bit happy about it smile You will too - just give it time and don't pressure yourself.

Secondsop Mon 05-Nov-12 20:40:11

You're entirely normal. I HATE BEING PREGNANT. We also took a while to conceive and had a miscarriage first time round, so there were many many times I felt awful that the little thought "I hate this, make it stop" crept into my head. It gets better, but try not to feel guilty. It may all be in a good cause but that doesn't mean we have to enjoy it!

spandau1980 Mon 05-Nov-12 22:05:06

That part sucks b+lls hun i threw for 16 weeks I've now got Spd and this baby is very much wanted.. but i had times where i thought i couldn't take second more sickness! Pains no fun but i cam deal with it better... hold on it will go but its awful... don't feel bad.. even though i felt guilty too.. its no fun feeling that ill for weeks on end xxxx

SecretSparkle Tue 06-Nov-12 07:13:21

Ladies you have no idea how much you kind words mean, I've been beating myself up about it for nearly a week!

I'm certainly not enjoying being pregnant but love the idea of a little baby inside me!!

I'll just take every day as it comes!!!smile

noblegiraffe Tue 06-Nov-12 07:26:40

Pregnancy is grim. While you are rightfully pleased about having a baby in a few months time, there is absolutely no reason that you should be delighted about feeling like hell right now.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome Tue 06-Nov-12 13:54:10

This sounds familiar - I try not to moan about the feeling sick but I think DP can tell and will ask me how my tummy is feeling! After me moaning for a bit he'll say with a smile - 'but is it worth it?' and even though I feel rubbish it always makes me smile because it reminds us of how much we want to have a family! (And then I have to go and throw up again and no longer feel so happy!!!)

weegiemum Tue 06-Nov-12 13:58:34

I got pg very easily (3rd dc I had a mirena!) but pregnancy was vile every time. I was sick till 16 weeks min, suffered tiredness and recurrent UTIs and kidney infections, also kidney stones.

Pregnancy sucks. Being a mummy rocks though (eventually!)

NAR4 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:00:45


It doesn't make you ungratefull at all.

All pregnancies are different so also don't listen to anyone who thinks you are being a wuss or making a fuss. Some women are lucky enough to sail through with no problems (I did with my first 3) and others suffer terribly. My 4th was less than easy and this one is horrid. Like you, of course I want this baby, I'm just not enjoying the pregnancy.

Most people are not silly enough to expect you to like being in labour but know it doesn't mean you want or love your child any less.

I hope it gets easier for you. It often does.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Tue 06-Nov-12 14:13:29


As everybody else has said it is natural.
I am about the same along as you. I feel similar, thought I had fertility issues (didn't but a long story) so feel like I should feel more happy/chipper. With first DC had no sickness, so in complete shock this time at feeling like shite and much more tired. Am 5 years older which I guess doesn't help on the tiredness front.

Just try to take it easy and try not too book too many activities/social engagements in if you know you are going to feel rubbish.

It should pass and you will forget the bad bits of pregnancy once your little bundle of joy is here.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

cupcake78 Tue 06-Nov-12 14:42:22

Op are you me? This morning I had a blub because I felt ungrateful for hating being pregnant and feeling so very sick.

It is normal, it's like having the flu for weeks at a time. That would get even the strongest of people down. As for the hormones, my god the hormones!

I like to think its normal and it will passwink. So easy to write now I've just got to believe it which is a bit more tricky.

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