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Unplanned pregnancy with 4th child....

(5 Posts)
28Lucy28 Sat 03-Nov-12 18:00:53

But DH wants me to have an abortion. We have 3DC, DD6, DD3 and DS1. Life is starting to settle for us again, the 3 get on really well. DH wants to go this way as he's worried about the financial pressures and the quality of life for the rest of us. I know it will be a struggle again the next 2 years, but I feel this is what is meant to be for our family. I'm scared I'll regret it for the rest of my life, wondering what will have been. We are lucky and blessed to have 3 healthy children. This one time contraception failed, I took the morning-after pill within 12 hours and it still didn't work, maybe this means we are destined to have 4 children. I'm 9 weeks now, so I know we need to make a decision asap. I really don't know what to do. Everytime we talk about it, I just get so upset.

This might not help, but do what you want. I know you probably want to respect your partners decision but its your body that goes through the decision. You also have to live with decision you make. Hope it helps, you make the decision :-).

sarahrose Sat 03-Nov-12 22:09:11

Lucy, i was in a very similar situation. I am now 22 weeks pregnant with our unplanned 4th. it was hard initially and took my husband and i a while to get use to the idea. we didn't speak about it or tell anyone until after the 12 week scan. as you said we just accepted that it was meant to be. It feels very strange being pregnant and i wouldn't say that it has truely sunk in but i no longer feel depressed or worried. whatever you decide I agree with Riley it should be your decision because you live with that and everything falls into line. unsure if this helps. goodluckx

jenbird Sat 03-Nov-12 23:39:06

I am currently 37 weeks with unplanned dc4. My dh also wanted me to have an abortion but when it came down to it I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with it. He also could see that me having an abortion that I wasn't completely happy with could cause big repercussions on our relationship. It took him a long time to get used to it (didn't tell anyone until after 14 weeks) and I know the financial side of things worry him as well as how hard it will be for a few years but at the end of the day he will love this baby just like he loves the others. He knows that too.
You have to do what is right for you. Good luck x

Vickles Tue 06-Nov-12 20:28:44

We're pregnant with no4, 12 weeks now. We have both been in shock, and we did have the abortion discussion. Not a discussion we have ever had before.

We decided to go with the flow, but booked a private early scan at 8 weeks to check how many we're in there! No history of twins, but was petrified and in accepting of it all, until I knew, either way. There's just one, phew!

My husband knows me well, and he said about abortion, that it will be with you forever, and it will just mess you up. I'd rather go with the flow with no4 and we now both see it as, it was meant to be. As f-ing bonkers it is.... We are going with it.

Our youngest will be 2 yrs 3 months when 'quaver' is here... Or other kids will be 8 and 4 and are both at school. (It looked like a quaver crisp at. 8 weeks!) I'm under no illusion, it's going to be tough. But, we cope fine with 3 kids, and we honestly feel we'll cope fine with 4 kids. I don't see much difference between 3 and 4 kids to be honest. That's where we are now.. Mentally. But, when we found out, 9 weeks ago.... It was awful. Felt in shock, felt sick, felt guilty, felt selfish and irresponsible. But, time has softened those feelings, for both of us. My husband even had the snip, 4 days after we did the pregnancy test!!!

That's our story, but everyone's story is different. Give yourselves time to come to terms with your news.

I could never abort a pregnancy, but we did talk about it. And aired our concerns and opinions. We knew that we'd fucked up basically, and we have decided to go with it. (God, that sounds harsh!) But, we're both excited about little quaver, and we have our scan this Thursday.

Give him time.

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