First pregnancy - need kind words please!

[ScruffyEmma]

Hello everyone, this is my first post so please be nice. I will be 19 weeks tomorrow and I'm very nervous - I have no idea what to do with children!

I got married in July and found I was pregnant after the honeymoon, very surprised (but obviously pleased) as I had always been told that it would take me longer. It won't be the easiest pregnancy as I have epilepsy and my seizures have started again but I can't complain as I know other people have many more problems than me, it was a risk I took and I don't regret it at all.

I'm also having trouble with my employers at the moment meaning I'm going to be running short of money soon (my husband is very supportive but I feel so guilty that he's having to pay for everything) which isn't helping the stress levels

If someone could please post "don't worry, it'll be fine" to reassure me, that would be fantastic and I'll love you forever

[emeraldgirl1]

Hi scruffy - don't worry you will be fine - and that is meant from the heart!

Congratulations, how lovely to get pg on honeymoon!

I am 20 weeks today and also have literally no idea what the hell I am doing (read my thread on gender disappointment if you want to see how anxious I am being!!); not to mention I am also very worried about money as I am self-employed and will get no maternity cover.

I too got pg much quicker than I thought (once I'd had several years of umming and ahhing about whether or not to go for it at all) and it was a shock. I cried the moment I found out; not because I didn't want it but because it was just such a huge and surprising thing.

Anyway, you will honestly be fine, am sure you are being well looked after with the health issues? Very very best of luck and congrats again!!

[Scruffie]

Hi emeraldgirl, thank you for the quick response!

I haven't read your thread yet (I will after this) - my 16 week scan (I have a million scans because of the health issues) showed that it was a girl, there's a little part in the back of my head saying "what happens if she got it wrong?!!!" - I think I've gone pregnancy-mental.

I'm sure the doctors and midwife think they are doing their best but I've found that they're quicker to tell me the risk of defects (making me feel guilty) than they are to reassure me that the percentages are low. I'm also starting to feel like I'm treated as a walking incubator rather than a separate person. I have a specialist appointment at the hospital in a few weeks so hopefully I'll feel better after that. It should be a happy time.

[panicnotanymore]

Hi Scruffy - first of all congrats, and secondly, it'll be fine, you'll be a brilliant mum!!!

I'm on my first too, and similarly no clue. I'm planning on winging it, with the help of advice from my mum, MIL and friends with kids. How hard can it be?!! Ok that's a joke.... seriously though, we'll all be ok in the end.

There is no perfect time to get pregnant either, so don't worry on that front. Heaven knows I wouldn't have planned it right now if I'd been in control of all variables, but I am where I am, and after a wobbly start I am so very happy. 22 weeks and thrilled to bits, but at 8 I was sitting in my GP's office in floods of tears talking about a termination. Thankfully my heart wouldn't let me do it, and I'm very glad my head listened.

Good luck with it, hang in there, and I hope you get the correct monitoring for the epilepsy. I've found that the consultants though brilliant can be a bit, well, lacking in bedside manner and tact. They know their stuff though, and that's what matters.

[milkyjo]

Congratulations! Everything will be fine and don't worry. Easier said than done. If it's any consolation I work with babies and children and had my first DC thinking, oh it'll be fine, I know how to look after a baby. WRONG! I knew how to change a nappy, feed and hold a baby and that was basically it - and treat a sick baby not look after a healthy baby! The whole experience is actually a wonderful learning curve and as long as you have some support you will be fine! Midwives can also be quite useful in the first hours of being a mummy although stretched to breaking point, helping with feeding support etc. You could try some expectant mothers groups or parenting classes to help you get the knowledge and info you need or try a book (but take with a pinch of salt as the baby won't have read it!).

[Coops79]

Scruffy congratulations! And it will all be fine. I know nothing about children/babies and my 16wk old has survived this long. I have no advice to offer except that any books you read will turn out to be useless in the face of your newborn who will be determined to do things his/her own way. Good luck!

[Scruffie]

Thank you everyone, I'll muddle through the first few months and hope everything turns out fine(ish). I'm trying to ignore as many horror stories as I can - everyone insists on telling me that theirs was the worst pregnancy ever!

[dontcarehow]

im in a similar situation in that im no longer earning. feel very lucky to have my dh, but i'll pretty much be totally broke until i can start looking for jobs. i also know very little but honestly, i have seen so many people just pick it up, and even though they have struggled, they have done a fantastic job. it might be just wishful thinking but i really do believe in maternal instinct. otherwise how did our species survive? look at it this way, even if you're not doing things "properly" (whatever that is) as long as the baby is alive you're doing well. ;-)

[osterleymama]

You'll be FINE! I got pregnant by accident with my DP, we were planning our wedding, I was temping and pursuing a career in the arts, we had debt, I was 27 and felt too young. So many reasons it should have made us panic but you just adjust your lives, get on with it and it's worth every minute and every sacrifice. I'm now 30, nearly due with my (planned) second child and happier than I knew I could be. Parenthood is amazing. It gives everything new meaning. Congratulations!

Get a lot of sleep and go out for dinner/movies/socialising as much as you feel up for.

[panicnotanymore]

Ignore the horror stories Scruffie, I was put of having children by these and they are not representative. I wish I hadn't listened and had started 10 years ago. I think that those who have easy pregnancies don't talk about them as they aren't interesting, but everyone is happy to tell you at length about everything that went wrong for them. Then there are the stupid well meaning parents who chuckle and raise an eyebrow, and bang on about sleepless nights, no life, and the utter hell of having children. Again, don't listen. If it really was all downside no one would have more than one.

My pregnancy has been relatively easy. Touch and go whether baby would stick at the start, but she has, and I look and feel great. No sickness, no spd, no horrors, just a lovely curvy body and a happy maternal feeling. It's been a hideous year for me - I discovered my pregnancy quite late as I'd put the various symptoms down to the stress of finding out about my H's affair and starting the divorce process. It has at times been almost too much, but the light at the end of the tunnel for me is babypanic.

So once again, don't worry, it'll be fine, try and enjoy your pregnancy, even the rough bits, and look forward to your baby arriving.