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Do I have to mention a previous termination to MW?

(24 Posts)
LibrarianAli Mon 29-Oct-12 16:59:51

I had a termination 10 years ago. Whilst it was the right decision at the time, it caused my quite a lot of heartache when we were struggling to TTC and I really beat myself up about it thinking I didn't ever deserve another chance.

Now I'm finally updiffed, I have my first appointment with the Midwife this week and I don't really want to tell her about the first pregnancy. I don't know how far along I was, I never wanted to ask, but this feels completely different to me, this is such a wanted baby.

So, do you know, does the MW have access to my GPs records, as it is on there. (or at least I've seen 'Unwanted Pregnancy' listed in my history)

And if she doesn't do I really have to tell her?

I don't really want it bringing up at every appointment for the next nine months, I don't think that would be very good for my confidence, or my mental health.

Thanks. I'm sorry if I upset anyone by asking this.

mignonette Mon 29-Oct-12 17:06:05

Your GP may mention it in any referral letter as a TOPS. You can ask him/her not to but he/she may feel it needs to be mentioned as relevant gynae/obs history. However, my love please don't think you will be judged harshly by your MW. If you knew how many women have had terminations maybe it might help you with those unwarranted negative thoughts about yourself (because you deserve good things like any other good person and you are not bad because you had a termination).

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Please get some support regarding these thoughts either online or via your midwife as they are quite common amongst women (and men) who have had to end a pregnancy this way. She may be far more supportive than you'd ever imagined.

But no, you don't have to discuss it with her.

BettyandDon Mon 29-Oct-12 17:07:22

On my maternity notes, it does say that this is my 3rd pregnancy, even though I only have 1 DC I had a MC. I am unsure whether they would need to know about a termination, I certainly was never asked specifically about that. I volunteered the information about the MC as I was scared it would happen again.

I very much doubt a MW would ever mention it again if you did tell her and I doubt they would judge either. I have always found MWs to be very accepting people as they see so many ladies they have seen it all.

weeblueberry Mon 29-Oct-12 17:09:43

I would always tell a MW about anything in that area. In fact I'm pretty sure I was outright asked if this was my first pregnancy. Its one thing to omit but another to directly lie I suppose. I do think you should mention it if for no other reason than it's got to be for the best for her to have ALL the information before advising you on anything.

If she's any kind of decent midwife anyway she won't bring it up again once it's been mentioned. I can understand why it would be very difficult to voice but any kind of medically history really should be shared.

pollyontheshore Mon 29-Oct-12 17:09:49

I don't think you have to tell them, but, if it helps - when asked if this was my first pregnancy I explained I'd had a termination at 8 weeks. She didn't put it in my maternity notes and it's never been brought up since (now 32 weeks).

MrsHelsBels74 Mon 29-Oct-12 17:13:00

I mentioned I had a miscarriage at my booking in appointment, and it was put in my notes & never mentioned again.

I would have thought if you mention it that will be it, but if you don't mention it you will think/worry about it more, if you see what I mean?

LibrarianAli Mon 29-Oct-12 17:23:02

Hello everyone and thanks for the quick responses. I think if I'm asked then I'll tell the truth, I don't really want to start off by lying, but I'm sure the MW will be able to tell from my demeanour that it's not a particularly easy thing to talk about

Thanks especially mignotte, that's just what I needed to hear. I was thinking that I didn't really deserve to feel this happy, (even when the happy is mixed up with scared, and guilty, and sick, and scared again, just like anyone's early pregnancy I expect) and poor DH has been trying to convince me that it was the best thing to do at that time and I've not really been believing him. But if a stranger on the internet says so, then it must be true!

Dogsmom Mon 29-Oct-12 17:24:24

I mentioned mine when the MW asked if I had ever had a general anaesthetic, she was fine about it and asked if I wanted it left off my notes, I said yes and it's never been mentioned since.

It's not a question that they ask outright so if you don't mention it she'll never know and even if she has read it in your records she wont need to write it in your green notes.

Pooka Mon 29-Oct-12 17:29:40

It would be helpful info if you're Rh negative.

In any case really honestly truly, the midwife would not judge you.

CaptainHoratioWragge Mon 29-Oct-12 17:31:53

Many congratulations on your pregnancy.

I was asked about this at the booking in appointment for my first PG. I haven't had an abortion, so I said so.

I then got a bit of a speech about how it is helpful to know about previous abortions/nothing to be ashamed of/would not be mentioned again etc....

And then she said, bearing all that in mind, do you want me to change what i've written here?

So I think she didn't believe me when i'd said i hadn't had one, which gave me the impression that it must be very common indeed to have had one by my ancient age.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 29-Oct-12 17:40:01

They do usually ask, and I really think you should tell her

But there is no reason why it would be referred to again and they certainly won't keep bringing it up every time they see you

It's in yours and your baby's best interest be as honest as you can, they only want to help you

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you have a lovely stress free pregnancy and it is obvious your little baby is so loved and so wanted smile

phoenixrose314 Mon 29-Oct-12 17:48:32

Hey sweetie.

Same as you, in almost every way. My first pg ended with a necessary termination, but it caused me a lot of heartache and strife, and struggled to concieve years later, two miscarriages as well. So this is in fact my fourth pregnancy, but much wanted baby.

I simply said to midwife that I had an abortion, she said "for personal reasons?" and I said yes, and she left it at that. Since then, if it's been referred to it's simply been nurses saying "Fourth pregnancy, first baby." Which is fine by me.

Nobody will judge you. Promise. I felt the same, and have been very relieved by the way the NHS staff have treated me.

Worley Mon 29-Oct-12 18:01:12

if the termination was at same hospital as your antenatal care it will still be in your hospital notes. I often see "family or partner not aware" wrote in the notes and we don't mention it. we have no need to mention it. it's VERY VERY common to see this in notes.

RyleDup Mon 29-Oct-12 18:29:32

I told my midwife about a termination I had years ago and she judged me. She asked loads of questions about why, and how many weeks I had been at the time, and put a shocked open mouth face on, and said, you had it THAT late. I didn't think it was that late. She apologised in the end as I was really pissed off. I didn't tell the midwife the second time round after that little episode.

TwitchyTail Mon 29-Oct-12 18:43:23

You should let her know, as it's potentially medically relevant, but you can certainly have it documented separately if you wish (ie not in your hand-held maternity notes). Same goes for miscarriages. A lot of women request this and that's fine.

kige Mon 29-Oct-12 18:51:50

The hand held notes that you get at your booking appointment are quite detailed and I do think the question will be asked. I agree with the poster who has made the point about rh neg blood and there could potentially be other medical relevance. Any decent midwife would just note it in the appropriate place and not mention it unless there was something relevant. a decent midwife is not going to sit in judgement either.

Secondsop Mon 29-Oct-12 18:52:49

The midwife won't judge you so please don't worry. I was in the same position as you and told the midwife at my booking appointment as i wasnt sure if it was medically relevant, and she put it in her notes but NOT in my handheld notes or in the printout of information that goes in my handheld notes, as she said it would be classed as a confidential pregnancy, and that it would never be referred to again thereafter or included in my handheld notes.

There was one slight hitch where I told an obsetrician that this was my 3rd pregnancy, 1 termination and 1 miscarriage, and he wrote on my handheld notes in big writing the abbreviations for that ie "GP3 T1 M1" or whatever it is. He shouldn't have done that. I put a sticker over it, and mentioned it to the midwife at my next appointment and she agreed he shouldn't have done that.

TeaDr1nker Mon 29-Oct-12 18:56:43

Hi there, congratulations on your pregnancy.

I do routinely ask people about 'any other pregnancies'. As others have said, we ask for various reasons, but you don't have to say. I have been asked by some ladies to put it in the hospital notes, but not the hand held notes that you get to carry around with you.

When I lost my baby boy at 23 weeks i had to mention it but that was in April so its different.

Your midwife won't judge you, it was yoir decision and you wasnt ready. It was the best thing to do. Enjoy your pregnancy you deserve it :-)

Chunkychicken Mon 29-Oct-12 20:17:01

I had a termination at 8wks about 10yrs ago, so when asked if I'd been pg previously, I said "yes, termination at 8wks". It was documented in my notes as 'gravida 2 parity 0+1'.

Now I'm on my 2nd child, I have since had an early miscarriage and got pg again straight away, so my notes say "gravida 4 parity 1+1".

Nobody has ever mentioned any issue with either 'incomplete' pg (nor have I ever felt judged etc) but its there should it be relevant to a medical situation at any point.

You don't have to share any reasons but it might be relevant at some point, so you should probably mention it.

Tattoopixie Mon 29-Oct-12 20:28:57

I've had one miscarriage and one termination previously and am now 26 weeks pregnant. It was discussed at the booking appointment and apart from it being recorded in my notes as my third pregnancy it hasn't been mentioned since. I think it's definitely helpful for them to have all of the information, even just to stop any awkward comments that may occur if they don't know. Good luck and congrats smile

Salukigirl Mon 29-Oct-12 20:51:18

I was also in exactly the same situation, I had a TOP at about 11 weeks as I really wasn't in any position to be a parent. Now 15 years later I have had to have IVF 3 times before getting pregnant. I had exactly the same thoughts, "I don't deserve it". I'm now 31 weeks.
I mentioned it at my booking in appointment, not judged or even commented on.
I think I was also asked when I went to the EPU but again, no comment or anything was made.
I would rather they had all the information that might be relevant just in case anything goes wrong.

LibrarianAli Tue 30-Oct-12 12:23:25

I just wanted to say another thankyou.
Feeling rather happier (and a bit less sick... yay!) today.

Blummin heck... 9 weeks knocked up! It's all rather marvellous.

isambardo Tue 30-Oct-12 14:52:29

LibrarianAli, I was in exactly the same situation as you, the midwife asked at the booking appointment and I said yes, i'd had an abortion. She asked if I wanted it put in my notes so I said only if it's relevant. Never been mentioned since so I don't know if she wrote it in or not.

If my midwives are anything to go by, they are really nice, supportive and non-judgmental.

Congrats on your pregnancy and enjoy it. I'm 37 weeks now and looking forward to the big day - it comes around fast!

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