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Announcing via Facebook

(77 Posts)
weeblueberry Mon 29-Oct-12 15:08:26

In an ideal world, no I wouldn't do it. But as a result of working in the US for a year most of my friends are scattered across the globe. I'm sure they'd all like to know we're expecting so we're talking about putting up a FB announcement.

Before I'd joined Mumsnet I'd always just assumed I'd pop the scan image up and everyone and their rabbit would congratulate us etc etc and everyone would know. But I've read a couple of threads where people are quite against the scan image thing because a) it's considered tacky and b) it could be upsetting to someone who (unknown to me) has just lost a baby or is having trouble conceiving. One of my colleagues mentioned a couple of years ago that having problems conceiving was made really difficult because every week that went by seemed to have someone else pregnant on FB.

So what did you do? Ultimately without sending dozens and dozens of individual emails it's not practical to tell everyone without the 'mass spend' idea but I'm open to suggestions? Similarly I'm not keen on the whole 'tell them as and when' as there are a lot of people on my FB who would love to know but I don't see on a weekly, monthly or even yearly basis!

What do you guys think? How did you announce it on FB if you did it at all?

MrsWolowitz Mon 29-Oct-12 15:11:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

looloo13 Mon 29-Oct-12 15:13:22

I put it on fbook, im on my 7th pregnancy with only 3 making it to full healthy babies and it never offended me when someone said they where expecting. its your news enjoy sharing it anyway you want x

tittytittyhanghang Mon 29-Oct-12 15:14:47

I announced on fb, its quick and easy. I think mn has a disportionate amount of people with a problem re fb, nobody i know in rl would bat an eyelid at this, in fact most people i know post on fb about being pregnant. Plus, i cant really say I took into consideration about other peoples infertility problems, otherwise you'd be scared to say anything for fear of upsetting someone.

stowsettler Mon 29-Oct-12 15:14:49

I was dead against putting up a scan picture, mainly because of (b) - my best mate, who lives on the other side of the world, is in this boat. I told her in private first, but even so did not want to hammer the point home.
I must admit I'm not convinced that I'd put one up if it wasn't for my friend; however after my 20wk scan I almost succumbed because, to be honest, it was incredibly clear and really rather cute!
I ended up announcing the pregnancy via status update for the benefit of most of my mates, but made sure I told her first.

AbbyRue Mon 29-Oct-12 16:14:41

I haven't said anything on FB but loads of my friends have done and it all seems to work well smile

I however, did tell friends via text or private messaging. I have also bumped into other people who didn't know I was pregnant and some have mentioned " how come you didn't announce on FB" lol

We will be announcing arrival though ( 40+4 today)

DontmindifIdo Mon 29-Oct-12 16:20:53

I would put it in your status. Having had a MC myself it wouldn't bother me, some people it would but they are the same people who'd be upset to see a status annoucing your new baby's name, and they'd be upset by photos of you with your newborn. And actually, telling them via a personal e-mail would also upset them.

It's the news itself, not the medium that's the problem, so unless you are planning on keeping your new baby a secret, people who's feelings would be hurt by this will be hurt however you say it.

YouOldSlag Mon 29-Oct-12 16:26:19

go ahead and enjoy your happiness.

I feel very strongly that joy is as valid as grief and we can't spend our lives frightened to enjoy good news in case someone else has had bad news. Enjoy it and celebrate. this is a unique and special period in your life and those nine months go soooo fast.


princesschick Mon 29-Oct-12 16:51:35

Weeblueberry what a lovely, thoughtful person you are smile

I personally wouldn't announce it on FB because I've taken an age to get pregnant and I left FB because of four announcements in a row that knocked me for six at my lowest point a few months back. It was so bad, I started sobbing in a coffee shop, with my bestfriend (who was 5 months pregnant at the time) about how it would never be me and everyone else just got there so quickly and without the pain and trauma. So now, I'm 8 + 1 (just a couple of months later - it's taken us 24 cycles over 3.5 years and 2 MCs to get here), I would feel a bit hypocritical to announce my "Happy News" in a few weeks time (plus I'd look a bit obvious turning my account back on)!!

However, it was my problem with the fact that I wasn't pregnant and not the pregnant ladies excitedly sharing their news. So I don't think that you should worry too much about posting your news. Remember, that facebook conjures emotions of all sorts depending on the situation. Imagine if someone was jilted / dumped / called off an engagement and got hit with "so and so" is now married, engaged, in a relationship - I'm sure they'd feel pretty crap to have that kind of news flash up on their screen. I've also known people to take offense / be jealous at my photos of having fun on nice holidays or nights out. So, whatever you do in life someone somewhere will be offended / upset. So, I say, go for it and enjoy your news but if you have anyone you know who is a close friend or relative who may be upset by the news, maybe tell them first and say that you're sorry it's not their time just yet but you hope it will be soon. Because that's what people with fertility problems or those who have been through a miscarriage need to hear - just a "sorry it's a crappy frustrating time for you right now" and no more. The worst thing for people with fertility problems is to be given advice, told to relax or worst of all have a joke made at their expense (I'd be super rich if I'd had a penny for every time someone told me to get drunk, have a dirty weekend, more sex, listen to Barry White - when it's not really a jokey situation). A little compassion and a "sorry and I hope it's you soon"is really all it takes. But you can't take their pain away and likewise any announcement will hit a barren hard. I know because I've been that person, but you can take time to be gentle and not rub things in their face. They will be really grateful to you for your consideration. I've been hugely grateful to friends who've been like this.

Anyway, sorry for the rant! Congratulations on your fab news and healthy scan. Now go spread the happy news and enjoy the happy messages you receive smile

Dogsmom Mon 29-Oct-12 17:03:42

I wasn't going to post it on fb but then I never post anything personal on there, I was also worried in case anything goes wrong and then I'd have to post that I was no longer pregnant and get flooded with sympathy which I hate, I'm a private person and would prefer to be left alone.

In the end I did put a post on, after the 12 week scan, just a brief message and mainly because word was getting out anyway and my husbands cousin had put a congratulations post on my wall so i knew there was no way it'd ever keep off there.

I haven't put a scan picture on there and never mention how my pregnancy is coming along either, I'll wait until she's here and then put a birth announcement and photo on.

DaffyDuck88 Mon 29-Oct-12 17:17:53

I posted our announcement up on fb along with a scan. It seemed the most immediate way to share the news to a wide circle of friends here in the UK and overseas and it avoided the dreaded 'who knew first' question. Also, I'm 44 so the whole pregnancy was something of a miracle to me. Plus the added proof of the scan helped convince people I was speaking the truth!
I know people who have struggled and failed to conceive, I was in that camp myself - and I'll admit to feeling a pang of envy when someone had previously announced a pregnancy but that would never ever stop me from wishing them well and wanting to share in their delight.

cupcake78 Mon 29-Oct-12 17:27:42

Your fine to announce it on FB. Enjoy the moment.

TwitchyTail Mon 29-Oct-12 20:10:04

I have no problem with other people doing it. I haven't as I feel, for me, the time to "announce" is once the baby has arrived safe and well. (Just my own experience from a close family member having a late miscarriage). After telling close family and very close friends at 12 weeks, I'm just mentioning it to people quietly as I see them / speak to them, and no-one seems offended so far! (and if they do, that's their problem). Most of my friends have taken this approach and while I see plenty of Facebook birth announcements, I rarely see ones for pregnancy.

By all means announce it if you want to, but don't feel it's obligatory or that everyone does it. You could always send a group email or group message to close friends who you really want to know at this stage and you know would welcome the news.

ellesabe Mon 29-Oct-12 20:19:57

I didn't announce it on fb as such but just subtly mentioned it in my status at around 25 weeks. I figured by that time I'd have had chance to tell anyone I wanted to personally, whilst getting the news out there to distant friends without rubbing anyone's face in it or seeming smug.

DontmindifIdo Mon 29-Oct-12 20:26:41

there's something else about the facebook announcement that is actually less requiring of a response from someone finding the news hard. If you send an e-mail to a friend who'd had a MC/struggling with TTC but hadn't mentioned it to you, they would be both hurt and feel they would then have to draft you a reply saying they were happy for you in order to be polite. That would be hard to do, whereas they can just ignore your status update, hide you for a while until they feel more comfortable etc.

Discolite Mon 29-Oct-12 20:30:44

I waited until after my 20 week scan and then posted a picture of me and my obvious bump! I felt awkward just baldly coming out with it and felt the scan pic was too personal (for me anyway). I figured by 20 weeks that all my close/everyday friends would know either by looking at me or through the grapevine. I still wanted my old acquaintances to know though.

I'm not going to post pregnancy related stuff though - I find it a bit boring when other people do it, and after a MMC earlier this year I don't want to upset people who have been through similar events.

Saltytomato Mon 29-Oct-12 21:14:36

I announced it on the phone to close friends and family as I am an Aussie, but live in uk and then announced on fb. Everyone was really nice about it!

itsmyfirsteek Mon 29-Oct-12 21:37:51

I let those close to me (family and my friends that I would only want to hear the news from me) know in a fabulous evening of phone calls. A few days later I went public on facebook and let everyone else know. Its a happy time, enjoy it xxx

Secondsop Mon 29-Oct-12 22:11:33

I announced on Facebook after my 12 week scan (after telling family and close friends); I never thought I was the kind to do so but it felt important to me to be publicly proud of the pregnancy from the beginning as my baby has a high Downs risk. I've had a miscarriage and did think about whether it would be upsetting for those who'd been in the same boat, but we can't hide everything for fear of upsetting someone who hasn't experienced that particular thing.

There was an AIBU about this recently - I don't know how to link to it on my phone but all viewpoints were shared, including some lovely posts by someone about how joy and sadness were equally part of life and that happy news should be able to be shared. As someone said upthread, Facebook does in a way make these things easier to "ignore" for people who might not want to hear it, unlike (eg) receiving an email.

LikeCandy Tue 30-Oct-12 07:12:33

I waited until I had a tiny bump (17weeks) and set my photo as that!
I didn't want scan pics up, so one of me (fully clothed may I add!!) with a pregnant belly seemed the next choice smile

Leftwingharpie Tue 30-Oct-12 07:31:51

I didn't announce on fb for this reason and I'm now coming up to 24 weeks but most of my wider circle of friends don't know I'm pg. I don't know whether any friends are having fertility issues and surely if its not ok to make a general announcement on fb, it's not ok to announce at all. I emailed the one friend I do know has had problems - although I've just learnt from this thread that that is also the wrong thing to do - so ironically she's just about the only person who does know!

I've tried to do the right thing but I can't help thinking people are going to think I've acted very strangely when they find out I've secretly got a small child.

YouOldSlag Tue 30-Oct-12 08:34:09

I just think that if say, 99% of your friends do not or have not had any fertility problems but 1% have, it seems mad not to tell the 99% of people just to protect the 1%.

Obviously sometimes you don't know (Not many people know that I lost 3 babies over 2.5 years and had 12 months of TTC with no luck before DS2). However, I would have been baffled if people had hid their pregnancy news from me during that time.

Naturally there was a bit of "I wish that was me", but I would never have said that was a good enough reason for anyone not to share their news on FB with their wide circle of family and friends. I just think it's madness.

Where will this lead? Can't announce engagements in case it upsets single people? can't talk about Father's Day in case someone doesn't have a Dad? can't celebrate job news in case a friends is unemployed?

It's becoming almost etiquette in the MN FB world not to be happy in case you upset one person who isn't. It's starting to sound like bad manners to celebrate a pregnancy, but I feel very strongly that we are going in the wrong direction with this.

What about someone who has tried for five years and finally, finally got pregnant? Are they not allowed to announce it either? it's all getting very silly.

PeshwariNaan Tue 30-Oct-12 09:38:34

I also have friends scattered across the globe as I'm an ex-pat (US). We told all close friends and family individually as we saw them,or were able to call or e-mail. We felt it was only polite to get the news out personally before blanketing on Facebook.

We eventually did announce on Facebook sometime between 17 and 20 weeks (I think). It helped get the word out, but we did spend bloody ages making lists of people to tell in person or on e-mail/ phone before the Facebook announcement!

I didn't post a scan photo because I see that as medical and private, but I know lots of people don't feel that way. We have a close relative whose baby was stillborn so publicising scan photos makes me nervous. In fact I haven't even put ours on the mantel. To me, it's a medical scan to check on baby's health and nothing else.

MrsReiver Tue 30-Oct-12 10:08:47

I've struggled to conceive DC2 (am 23 weeks pregnant, at last!) but have never been "offended" by anyone posting a pregnancy announcement on FB. Just because I've not had it easy doesn't mean I can't share in someone else's joy. If I was having a bad day and a scan picture was in my newsfeed, I'd just hide the picture, it's not up to anyone else to protect my feelings.

I haven't put anything on FB about this pregnancy - just my personal choice no judgement on anyone who chooses to do otherwise. I have had a couple of "why haven't you posted anything on facebook?" type comments from friends when I tell them our news in person so it seems (here at least) that the facebook announcement is the norm and we are the exception.

VickyU Tue 30-Oct-12 11:03:35

I was really worried about announcing on facebook before making sure that all my close friends knew first. I just wanted to make sure I had seen or spoken to everyone who really mattered (if that makes sense!) beforehand, especially friends who have had fertility issues or other upsetting pregnancy related times. In the end my husband posted a picture of me on holiday very obviously pregnant and that kind of acted as an announcement! It was so lovely though as people were so nice and you realise how many people there are who you might not have seen or spoken to for ages but who are still so happy for you.

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