friends giving you second hand baby things...

[mameulah]

We seem to have lots of people who are very kindly offering us their second hand baby things. Lots of big items, prams, car seats etc. What are the rest of you doing? Taking it and saying thank you, I mean they have no need for it at all now and over the years we have done plenty of lending and sharing etc. Or do you offer to pay for it? Or does it depend? And if it does depend then what does it depend on?

[WerewolvesDoTheFandango]

If it's a big item I've offered to pay them (cot) but if its left over nappies etc I've just said are you sure? Ta very much.

I suppose it also depends how close you are to them.

[whatchagonna]

Ask them how much they want for it/ask whether you can give them any money for it. Chances are they'll say no. Just be upfront.

[Smicha]

A friend of mine gave me a load of stuff that has been really useful, including a sling, baby gym and steriliser, and she said she wanted nothing for it as I was doing her a favour by clearing out her spare room! She saved us a load of cash and I knew she wouldn't take any from me so I sent her a voucher for her to treat her little boy as a thank you.

[SlightlySuperiorPeasant]

Accepting any and all clothing, sorting it out at home and recycling/charity shopping anything grim or that we don't want to use.

Accepting all left over nappies.

No one has offered us any big items but we have everything we need and I like to research things and choose them myself so probably would decline gracefully.

Would never take a second-hand car seat or mattress on safety grounds. Would be nice about it though :)

[FreelanceMama]

I often offered to pay or would say, are you sure you don't want to sell it on Ebay?

I listed everything we were given especially clothes, and treated it as a loan unless people were v definitely not going to have any more children and had said to me that anything I didn't want could go to a charity shop.

When it gets to the point of not needing anything they've loaned me, I am offering to give it back and then seeing what they say. My logic is that they may regret getting rid of their baby things, or may want to lend them to another friend.

When I return things, it is accompanied by some small gift like chocolates. And everyone who loaned/gave me something got a thank you card.

In my experience, people are delighted to A) empty their houses, b) see their children's toys and clothes have a 2nd (3rd? 4th?) lease of life, and c) to help their friends.

We're just starting to loan our baby's things out and it's a lovely feeling to know they'll get some more use and keep the tradition of passing on going.

[mameulah]

Thank you everyone, I guess what you have all said is really what we have been doing.

If you know, and one hundred per cent trust, where the car seat has come from, how old it is and who has used do you reckon there is still a problem in borrowing one?

[Rockchick1984]

I wouldn't take the second hand car seat, as long term storage can cause problems with it as well, it may have had stuff piled on top of it that could compromise the safety of it or the plastic can weaken / crack with temperature changes etc. I'll happily take anything else second hand, but (for me) the risk is just too great - you are relying on that seat to save your child's life and you don't want to only find out in an accident that the chair had been compromised

[Apparentlychilled]

We were given a car seat by SIL (who only had one DC), so we were 100% confident it had been looked after well etc. If I had any reservations about storage or use, I'd have passed on a hand me down.

[Stacks]

I accepted a 2nd hand chair from my sister. It is part of a travel system and wasn't used much - it will only take baby up to about 6 months old. I'll use it for a while then replace with one for older babies, going up to toddler or beyond.

If you're confident it's not been in a crash or stored incorrectly there's no harm accepting one IMO.

[kittykatskumkwat]

I can't see any problem at all with accepting a car seat of someone you know, I got mine from dsis then passed them back again,if they are a decent makes they have to pass rigerous tests, I think the advice out there is alot scare mongering aswell, I can't see how much damage can be occurred in a loft or garage? Surley it faces just as much exposure to heat/ cold in your car?? You can't stack that much on them and surley that wouldn't weigh much dissimilar to a 9 month old

[kittykatskumkwat]

Oh I Always take the covers off and wash though so I guess you would see if there were any cracks or wear etc,

[mameulah]

kittykatskumkwat

I feel heaps better now that you have pointed out the temperature thing about being in the car or loft. We live in the North of Scotland and I am sure that it is probably a lot less freezing in the loft that in the car outside. Thanks.

[TeaDr1nker]

We got our car seat from my sister, I don't see a problem if you know the history.

I gratefully took all baby stuff people offered me, and like others said sifted through it. It has saved me a fortune over time.

[Startailoforangeandgold]

I said thank you, used it for my two and returned it for her DCs3 and 4. Plus various bits of mine.

Used the money I saved to buy a all terrain buggy.

My DF was not the sort to offer money too and I knew she wanted DC3.

Just check if people might want things back and don't eBay unwanted things that's cheeky.

Pass on to friends or charity shop if you not need them and the giver doesn't.

[Startailoforangeandgold]

Need elevenses, grammar gone to pot

[windsurf74]

So long as it's lovely what's the problem?!

I was a bit though at my friend...who wanted £150 for her baby stuff (cot, highchair, nappy bin and baby bouncer). I said I couldn't afford that, so thank you but no thank you, why don't you sell it on ebay?

Fast forward 2 months...she turned up unannounced with it all, saying it didn't sell on ebay so I might as well have it.

I'm not bloody surprised it didn't sell on ebay - most of it was MINGING! We binned the baby bouncer two mins after she dropped it off (honestly, I wouldn't put a cat in it! Never mind a newborn). The rest is due to be dropped off at a charity shop over the next couple of days.

Not grateful at all! She's basically just offloaded her crap onto me, at a time when I could do without the stress! (being induced Monday!)

[Startailoforangeandgold]

Clearly people shouldn't hand on tat.
I was about the feet on the larger baby grows (crawling on quarry tiles) and offered to buy some more. Everything else seemed, miraculously, to remain intact.

[mameulah]

windsurf74

I think your friend was really tight doing that. Tidying out her mess by offloadign on you is rubbish!

[windsurf74]

Indeed! Plus I would happily give decent stuff for free to my friends. I wouldn't even dream of trying to charge them.

I guess we don't all think the same way!

[mameulah]

Yeah, I have given HEAPS AND HEAPS of stuff away in the past and wouldn't have ever considered charging for it. But tidying out the crap in your house by dumping it in your heavily pregnant friends house is properly rubbish.

I am clearing out our spare room just now and it is such a slow process because I just get so tired, but at least it is our stuff.

AND when my DH and I first moved into this house together my IL's FILLED it with boxes of RUBBISH from car boot sales. Apart from about one baking tray it all had to go to the charity shop over several trips. That was more than two years ago and even the thought of it still annoys me!!!

[WerewolvesDoTheFandango]

Windsurf that happened to me, my uncle's wife offered me the stuff they hadn't sold on ebay (cot, seat, bouncer), it was all in good nick. The problem was they also left 4 bags of broken, knackered old toys in the nursery and told me to just charity shop them if I didn't want them. They also turned up with the cotbed mattress after asking on the phone if I wanted it (I said no) and said "we know you can't use it, but thought you might still like it?" [hangry] Why would I want something I can't use? I made them take it away again, I did not fancy a trip to the tip at 7 months pregnant thanks!

I realise I sound really ungrateful, but I did offer to pay for the stuff I did keep

[mameulah]

werewolvesdothefandango

You do not sound at all ungrateful. What on earth were they thinking?

[Chubfuddler]

I have only been offered big items on the clear understanding they were a loan. Baby clothes get passed on and on until they fall apart, no cash involved. I've given on as much as received over the years.

[halloweeneyqueeney]

loans are a ball ache, you have to remember which vests came from certain people, once you're finishd with it you have to store it for ages till they'll take it back...

one item we BARELY used because we were scared as it was a loan given with emphasis on how sentimental it was to the giver, had a TINY TINY bit of baby sick on it, we asked if the item could go in the machine (didn't have a care label) and the "giver" was horrified and said better not, but she was also cat bum faced about the TINY little spec of milky puke on it .

same person ummed and ahhed about whether or not she wanted other items back or if we could pass them on (as she wasn't having any more but they were sentimental ), we were stuck storing them for MONTHS till she decided, then she decided that they were to be passed on to a person of her choice, so we had to arrange to deliver them to that person (not local so coulda bloody bought some of the stuff in the first place by the time we'ld spent the petrol!)

I've learnt my lesson this time, I'm not taking any bloody loans!

Things should either be given fully or not!

no I don't offer to pay but IMO it balances out, I pass on as much as I receive for free. Most people are of the same opinion, it doesn't matter if you don't pass on to the same person as it all goes into the pass-along pool!

[WerewolvesDoTheFandango]

They were thinking - how the fuck do we actually get rid of this mattress? Oh I know we'll leave it at Werewolves house!