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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Straw poll- to find out the sex or not?

59 replies

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:36

Appt came through for 20 week scan. We're undecided if we should find out the sex or not. I did for DD and was glad I did, I wanted a girl and was thrilled to find out I was getting one

I really have no preference this time. DD wants to find out...DP doesn't know whether we should or not...I'm not sure....

What do you think? Did you find out? Are there any reasons we shouldn't?

OP posts:

Report

SilentMammoth · 23/10/2012 19:38

I'm in the"not" camp. I love surprises and it's always so exciting during labour to realise your finally going to find out!!!

Gingerbreadlatte · 23/10/2012 19:39

Save it for the day of birth! I never find out and love the suspense. Also I prefer to wait so i can do proper bonding once baby is here... rather than deciding name etc before hand. Thats just me though.

Congrats!

kellestar · 23/10/2012 19:41

I'm not finding out, didn't with DD. It was lovely that excitement in labour and when she came out DH said it's a boy a quick glance said girl, bless him, he thought he saw the goods, just cord.

peasandbeans · 23/10/2012 19:41

We've had 5 surprises and never regretted waiting till the birth to find out. Only problem is not being able to choose baby clothes other than white/unisex before its born.

Pumpkinlatte · 23/10/2012 19:42

With my niece my brother found out, my SIL didn't, and he managed to keep it secret for 20 weeks. Got the sonographer to write it down on a bit of paper that brother took away with him. Everyone was happy! Not sure whether a child could be trusted to keep schtum, though!

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:43

4 against. Seems pretty conclusive so far!

OP posts:

Littlemissimpatient · 23/10/2012 19:45

I would find out. It may help your dd bond. You will know if you need to boy blue stuff.
And because i have no patience so couldn't not know!!

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:46

DD wouldn't make it out of the hospital before telling us Pumpkin

I've said she can't come to this scan though as it's primarily an anomaly scan I'd rather she weren't there, just in case.

OP posts:

SilentMammoth · 23/10/2012 19:47

And if the sscan is wrong, what is that like for bonding?

SilentMammoth · 23/10/2012 19:49

Actually this is intetestng. My midwife told me that people seem to be les keen now then they used to be on finding out. I wonder why?

MrsEddChina · 23/10/2012 19:49

We're finding out a week today, after i was always adamant that I never would. Now I have the choice I'm so excited and too impatient to wait another 20 weeks!

RightUpMyRue · 23/10/2012 19:49

Striking out on your own there Littlemiss

Good point about helping DD bond/get used to the idea. She's 10 so there's big age gap and she's had a few less than positive moments thinking about how things will change.

OP posts:

PrincessPumpkinshoutsBOO · 23/10/2012 19:50

I am pg with #3, I have never found out and won't be finding out this time. I like the surprise, also, hospitals get it wrong too often.

PeshwariNaan · 23/10/2012 19:51

It's up to you.

We did, but we almost didn't. We just wanted to narrow down names, to be honest! It was still exciting.

Anyway, they couldn't say for sure, so it could be the other sex. We're not fussed. :)

TroubleAndFyfe · 23/10/2012 19:53

I loved finding out and will do next time too!

WerewolvesDoTheFandango · 23/10/2012 19:53

Find out! Find out! Find out!

noblegiraffe · 23/10/2012 19:54

So it's not a whitewash, I'll vote for finding out :)

I don't like surprises anyway, and it just seemed silly to have that information available but to deliberately ignore it until the birth. As if it would be more of a treat at the birth than at the scan, when at the birth you already have a baby as a reward! It's a nice point in the pregnancy and you can then start properly bonding with the baby instead of being all neutral pronoun-wise.

My DS loves talking about his (as yet unborn) little sister and has been lovely about it all.
My sister is delighted because she can prepare to offload all my niece's clothes onto me.

We don't need to worry about debating a whole gender-worth of names and just the ones that actually matter.

Can't think of any downsides, tbh.

StuntNun · 23/10/2012 19:54

I did find out with all three of mine but I warn you it can be a bit of an anticlimax. It's going to be either another DD so you'll have two girls or a DS so you'll have one of each. It's probably more exciting if you have seven boys already and you're desperately trying for a girl. That said you're going to find out anyway in the end.

ErikNorseman · 23/10/2012 19:57

I vote not. DS was crossing his legs so we couldn't - I'm very glad. We all have preconceptions and secret preferences and I think it's better to wait until the baby is here when all those preconceptions will fly straight out of the window :) Buying pink or blue clothes is a silly reason, everyone will buy you stuff anyway, and a boy won't know or care if he is dressed in pink.

ladymia · 23/10/2012 20:00

well i'm finding out i can't imagine NOT knowing for another 20 weeks. i am far too nosey

Kelerina · 23/10/2012 20:05

We just found out at 20 week scan a week and a half ago and I am so glad we did! I feel so much more connected to the baby and he has become less abstract somehow in my mind. This is also helped by feeling more movements recently though.

I really disagree that it makes the birth any less exciting or special, I cannot wait to meet my little boy

I competely see the appeal in not finding out but like noblegiraffe I just couldn't imagine having the information available and not finding out.

I say do it!!

LauraPalmerPlusOne · 23/10/2012 20:12

We found out & I love knowing he's a he. I'm actually more excited now.

It's also been a lovely for DSS (8), who let out a whoop and an air punch when he heard the news. He's having a great time teasing us with how he and his little brother are going to gang up on me and DP!

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eagleray · 23/10/2012 20:13

Before I got pregnant, I was of the opinion that it was like opening your presents before your birthday.

Then we had a few weeks of stress/uncertainty whilst going through the amnio/cvs process and at the same time my dad suddenly became ill (sadly it was terminal).

We found out at 16 weeks (as part of amnio results) that she was a girl and was able to tell my dad this just hours before he slipped away. I think it also helped me and DP bond with her after such a stressful period of time.

It's still a personal choice though - people managed for thousands of years without finding out beforehand, and it does seem to have triggered a terrible addiction to buying baby dresses on Ebay that she will probably never wear

LauraPalmerPlusOne · 23/10/2012 20:13

Meant to add - it's a surprise regardless of when you find out

Pudgy2011 · 23/10/2012 20:16

Another against finding out here. I didn't want to find out beforehand and I wanted to see the look on DH's face when he told me what we had. I figured he had so little to actually do during the pregnancy, so his job would be to tell me what we'd been blessed with.

And I'll never forget the look on his face when he said "babe, it's a boy!" - twas wonderful.

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