Gloom and anxiety at 6 weeks

[ClaraColomba]

Hello all,

Just looking for some reassurance or fellow worriers out there!

I'm at 6 weeks 4 days (second pregnancy, aged 39), & just feeling so incredibly pessimistic and anxious about this pregnancy that I'm tempted to pay for a scan at 7 or 8 weeks (the only option in my area at this early stage) just for the reassurance of seeing a heartbeat, or if there's anything wrong, knowing as early as possible, and before we tell any family about the pregnancy. But husband thinks it's an unnecessary expense at a time that we can ill afford it, and that everything will be just fine.

Is anyone else going through this all-consuming anxiety? I just can't seem to concentrate or get excited about being pregnant, much as we want a second child, since for some reason I just feel it's going to go wrong. I'm also showing so much earlier than last time - I had a tummy by 5 weeks - I don't think I can keep this under wraps until after my 12-week nuchal scan.

[panicnotanymore]

I have worried constantly, am 39 too and I think part of the early worry was down to everything I had read about risks associated with being an older mum. There is a lot of scare mongering out there, as although there are risks, if you actually look at the percentages they are tiny. My 12 and 20 weeks scans were good, so don't worry unduly on that front.

Good luck, try and relax I guess, and try to think positively. I can't advise on whether an early scan is worth while as that is a personal thing really. It might set your mind at rest, but that is all.

[Dldj]

Hello,

I am 30 years old and 6 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby.. I spend so much time worried that I'm going to lose the baby it's driving me insane.. I too am struggling to wait the 12 weeks for The first scan.. I think the main reason I'm so worried is because apart from 2 positive tests I have No symptoms at all.. with my first two I had everything.This is my partners first baby and he is like a kid in a sweet shop..

I know that it's probably all normal ect but it's still concerning.. I have my first midwife appt next week whereby hopefully We shld get some reassurances that all is well.. I'm going to ask if she can hear the heartbeat for me.. Even though I knw they only do that after first scan.. But worth a try I'd say :)

all the best girls xx

[suzyrut]

Hi Clara

I guess you have to ask yourself whether that would really stop you from worrying?

I had a dating scan that showed an empty sack at around 5 weeks (I was convinced I'd had symptoms too long to make that right) and it started 2 weeks of consant worrying and misery convincing myself something was wrong. I was reassured by my rescan at 7 weeks as I saw a heartbeat etc. So yes in my experience scans can reassure you but they can also do the opposite if it's not exactly what you were expecting.

There's also so many risks associated with being an older mum (I'm 37) if you believe the internet that my sonographer told my dp to stop me from looking!

Don't know if you've had a good think about where you're worries are coming from but I've spent a lot of time talking to dp (who I'm sure now wonders who this paranoid wreck is) and I've come to the conclusion that I just feel so lucky and want this baby so much that I'm worrying myself into a horrible pregnancy.

Don't know if any of this will help but I do sympathise, it's horrible not to feel excited about such a joyous thing.

[ClaraColomba]

Thank you, all three of you!

Panicnot and Suzy: I think you're right that it's easy to get overwhelmed by internet coverage of the risks of being an older mum, even though if I'm even slightly rational for just a moment (struggling with that during these last weeks), I know that there's still a very much higher chance that my pregnancy will come to term and I'll have a healthy baby than not. It's always good to hear from mums of a similar age for whom it's all going well. One of my friends has just had a second baby at 39 after a fairly straightforward pregnancy, so I do know it's possible! But I'm just a mess right now!

Dldj: yes, like you, I've not had much in the way of symptoms, apart from the dragging tiredness, and while I should count myself lucky, I think I'd find it a bit of nausea reassuring!

Suzy: thanks for encouraging me to stop and think about where all the worries are coming from. I think the causes of my worry might be similar, i.e. it's possibly because I feel so lucky already (1) to have met my wonderful partner, and (2) to have had my first gorgeous baby (daughter, now 16 months) at age 38, and (3) to have got pregnant actually very quickly this second time when I was fearing it just wouldn't happen, that a bit of me thinks that surely the luck has to run out some time soon, ridiculous though that sounds. And yes, I do so want this baby, so I think the pessimism and holding back is also about not letting myself get excited because I'm really worried I won't cope well if something goes wrong.

Never mind the physical exhaustion of being pregnant - it's emotionally exhausting too, isn't it! And I'm sure my husband thinks I've gone just slightly mad.

I think I'll hold off booking a scan until I've seen the midwife at 8 weeks (a week on Friday), and perhaps just getting to that stage will make me feel a bit more positive. And if I go for the scan, they should definitely be able to see a heartbeat at that stage, if all is well.

Very good luck to the three of you, and perhaps meet you again here - perhaps, if all goes well, next time I'll be worrying (of course!) about telling my employers that I'll be off on maternity leave again within a year of returning to work... really not looking forward to that discussion.

I hope your pregnancies continue to go well. All the best, CC

[MadameJ]

Hi, I feel exactly the same. I am nearly 6w with my second dc, however I just feel really anxious and apart from 2 positive tests have no symptoms and dont actually feel pregnant at all. My symptoms were really strong last time!! I have booked to see the mw on 7/11 but if im honest I am expecting her to say the tests were wrong. It really is not a nice thing to be worried all the time, my Dh thinks im bonkers but I cant shake this feeling!!!

[Dldj]

Madamej,

I can sympathise with you 100%.. although I shld be glad not to have any of the usual preg issues I can't help feeling that I wld love some morning sickness just for added reassurance..

I have my first appt 1/11 and it can't come soon enough to be honest..

[ClaraColomba]

MadameJ,

I can't tell you how many tests I've done just to check that I'm still pregnant, knowing that it's a bit mad, but I'm struggling to accept that I really am pregnant, despite feeling tired and bloated. I'm seeing the midwife for my first appointment on Friday 2/11, and just hope she can reassure me!

CC

[MadameJ]

It's horrible isn't it, I have so far refrained from POAS again but not sure how long for. It's ironic really because one of my big worries when we were TTC was the whole sickness thing whilst looking after DD and now I would give anything for a bit of morning sickness!!

[3rdtimelucky73]

You're not alone in worrying, I wish I could tell you something that would ease it.

If I don't feel sick, don't think I'm feeling the growing twinges I start to worry. Had nearly 24 hours with out feeling bleurg, but now it's back with a vengeance.

I just try to remember that just because I've suffered losses doesn't mean it will happen this time. I'm more positive as we have already seen a heartbeat - but it doesn't stop me from worrying myself to death at times.

Good luck.

[Liveinthepresent]

Another fellow worrier here!
Can relate to much of what you all say.
I feel like I know too much ( hadn't discovered mumsnet when pregnant with DC1)
Really early days and a year older than you OP - think it feels to good to be true and no symptoms at all really.
Contemplating paying for an 8 week scan - unsure if it might cause more anxiety if anything is uncertain at that stage.
Nice to know am not alone!

[weeblueberry]

I was in exactly the same position you're in now hon. I felt so horrible and pessimistic about the whole pregnancy until we opted for a private scan at 9 weeks. It was the best thing I ever did - we saw the heartbeat, they confirmed dates and sizes and it reassured me immensely. Easily the best £100 I spent. I was hearing stories of women who had lost their baby earlier but didn't find out until the 12 week scan and genuinely think I'd have been a nervous wreck the entire time without the private scan.

[katesav87]

Hi everyone hope u don't mind me going I am excately the same. I am now 9weeks and 2 days pregnant but I'm obsessed with this pregnancy and that I will lose it. I had a scan at 6 weeks and saw a heartbeat then paid for a scan on Saturday and saw the baby again with a heartbeat but I still can't relax. I'm constanley googling things and thinking the worst. I have one DD and have had 1 mmc and 2 mc and I can't seem to be happy and enjoy this pregnancy. I have my next scan on 6 Nov but don't know how I'm going to get to it and stay sane lol. I just want to relax xxxx

[ClaraColomba]

Well, it's comforting to hear I'm not the only one getting my knickers in such a twist, though I wish for us all that it didn't have to be such an anxiety-filled time! I think I've pretty much decided to go for the private scan - they do them on Saturday mornings here, though I'm trying to wait until a week on Saturday when I'll be 8+1 rather than this Saturday at 7 weeks. Either way, the screening unit seemed fairly certain that if there is a heartbeat, they'll see it at 7 weeks. I just don't think I'll believe it until I see it. I definitely felt more pregnant and had more symptoms the first time around.

[AlphaBeta82]

I am in a similar position, pregnant after 3MCs and things seem to be going well. My entire focus was on a 7 week early scan, when it came and there was a good little heartbeat for as moment I felt reassured, then straight away the anxiety kicked in again and my whole focus shifted to the 9 week scan, next week.

i wake up in the middle of the night poking my breasts just to make sure they still hurt and go into panic if I don't think they are painful enough! This first 12 weeks is like being a timewarp where every day feels like a week!!

So yep, i with you all the way on this one! xx