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Suddenly terrified.

(13 Posts)
Biggem Thu 18-Oct-12 15:11:17

I'm due 20th and have been having what can only be described as bad period pains, which I know is signs that we are almost ready.
And suddenly I have become terrified that I can't actually do this...give birth, to a baby. Holy crap.
Anyone else felt / feel like this?

RationalBrain Thu 18-Oct-12 15:16:23

Yes. It is entirely normal, you need to keep telling that voice that yes, you can do it, you will do it (you have no choice but to do it!). Millions of women have done it before, and millions of women will do it after. Think of something, a nice place, or a phrase or something, that you will be able to focus on during labour, and practice thinking about it. You can get through it. It might not even be that bad, I've heard some of them aren't smile

RationalBrain Thu 18-Oct-12 15:19:27

PS good luck, you will be fine!

Biggem Thu 18-Oct-12 15:25:23

I'm such a positive person normally but all of a sudden it seems like an impossible task, stupid I know!
I think I'm stressed about how my DH is going to be aswell, if ill be too horrible to him and how hell cope and I really want my Mum there and he doesn't...

tiddleypompom Thu 18-Oct-12 15:27:29

You can and you will! Totally normal fears - but surely staying pregnant is even more scary?! Deep breaths, try to focus & believe in yourself - it does help not to panic smile

Best of luck - you'll be on the other side with a beautiful newborn very soon.

RationalBrain Thu 18-Oct-12 15:31:30

Well, if you being a bit mean to him for a few hours is the worst he has to put up with... forgive me for not getting the tissues out for him grin. My DH was lucky to come away without me actually breaking his fingers.

Look, even if it the shittest birth ever (and believe me, I've had two whoppingly awful ones - I am unusual in my experiences before you start to worry), it is only for a few hours of your life. It WILL be over, sooner than you think (time does a wierd thing in labour, it goes quite quickly - less so for your DH). You live in a first world country, with fantastic medical support even when you might not want it and all will be OK. And even better, when its over, you will have a gorgeous snuggly baby and you won't be pregnant any more. (assuming you are finding pregnancy slightly onerous by now!)

My midwife for DD2 kept saying to me 'but why on earth wouldn't you be fine? baby is in the right place, BP is OK etc etc'. She was right of course!

tiddleypompom Thu 18-Oct-12 15:33:00

X-posted. It's your show op, if you really want your mum there then it should be your call. Don't fret about giving DH grief during labour - you probably won't as you'll most likely go into your own little world... And anyway, what goes on during delivery cannot be used as cause for complaint afterwards by DH, thems the rules!

Try to put aside the physical trepidation - it will be what it will be, you will do it and it will be worth it.

RationalBrain Thu 18-Oct-12 15:38:55

About your mum - if you want her there, then he really should be listening to you... Is there a particular reason your DH doesn't? Do they not get on? He might be grateful of the support and the relief (i.e. he could go off and have a drink and a snack occasionally if she is there to take over). And if you are happier with her there, the birth may go more smoothly?

Could you negotiate some agreements over how much she'll get involved and how soon she'll go after the birth, so your DH feels like he is still in control/the main helper/whatever is important to him?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Thu 18-Oct-12 15:43:44

I'm due on the 20th too smile

You will be fine, just do whatever you need to do and get ready to enjoy a squidgy little baby. Your DH will be fine if he values his life - you do not mess with a woman in labour!

Biggem Thu 18-Oct-12 15:56:31

grin due date buddy.
He gets on really well with my mum, he thinks it should just be 'our' moment though I think, that and he prob feels like he should be enough for me, if that makes sense? (Ego thing possibly, making DH sound like a douche when he's not..?)
I tend to go off into my own place when I'm in pain and him constantly asking if I'm ok pisses me off at the best of times tbh never mind during labour.
I haven't mentioned mum at all this time round (dd1 was CS due to breech) but planning on asking for her when we are actually in the delivery room and its all getting a bit much. Sneaky I know, but he won't say no when I'm in pain will he?!
U are all right when u say I am done with being preggers tho! wink

Goldrill Thu 18-Oct-12 15:56:51

Biggem - I am 41 weeks today and just had an extremely favourable sweep. This is DD2 for me, so I know it can be done but I am still fighting back mild feelings of terror as MW thinks it's highly imminent. It is also pretty unstoppable, and once it starts you don't get much option!

What Rational said is absolutely spot on: you WILL be ok. And it is really quite important that you let everyone else know how you want things to be, not least because when you are in labour your DH might find himself feeling very helpless indeed. My DP wanted just the two of us at DD1's birth but afterwards he said he did not know how he would have coped if my mum hadn't been there.

Anyway, I am going off to do the hardest sudoku I can find to divert my attention for as long as possible from the sudden period pains....


Biggem Thu 18-Oct-12 15:58:46

Thank you and good luck goldrill

Goldrill Thu 18-Oct-12 16:01:04

oops - sorry x post.

That's exactly what my DP said, btw. 36 hours later he had really changed his mind! And it took quite a few weeks for the bruising on his hand to go down!

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