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ridiculous worry - how will I love DC2 if it is a boy?

(35 Posts)
Shelium Wed 17-Oct-12 17:57:30

Before you all flame me, I am not one of those people who has always wanted girls, I believed dd was a boy until she was born, and welcomed the idea of a boy.

I am currently 30w pg with DC2. My first baby was a girl, and I come from a huge long line of girls, female cousins, aunties etc, and not one single boy. My sister is also expecting and it is a girl smile

Lots of people told me that they had fears of "how on earth could I love DC2 as much as DC1" when they were pg, and I admit to having felt quite smug that this has never bothered me.

Only this week I have suddenly concentrated on the baby, and names etc - and then it hit me. If this baby is a boy, how will I feel? I have zero experiences with boys - DH is equally as worried, he also comes from a line of girls (except for himself) but isn't quite as paranoid as I am.

Will I honestly love a baby boy? What if it grows up to be a vehicle loving, football playing boy? I know nothing about vehicles or football! will I be the MIL from hell? Will my baby boy grow up and move across the world to live with his wife, because her family will mean more than me?

I KNOW how ridiculous I sound - but I can't be the only person to be scared like this can I?

backwardpossom Wed 17-Oct-12 18:01:55

You're right, you do sound ridiculous. wink

Seriously, my boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's funny, sensitive, boisterous, gentle, mad, clever etc etc. Just wonderful. He makes me laugh and cry on a daily basis and I'd love another boy this time. (I'd also love a girl, btw!)

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 17-Oct-12 18:03:45

I have a DD. And I would love this one to be a boy. So would DP. Sometimes we both worry we will be disappointed if its a girl. Sometimes I freak out that I wont have a clue what to do with a boy.

Its normal to worry. But dont get yourself worked up over it. You will love your baby regardless of gender. And if its a boy it will be a constant learning curve!

PrincessPumpkinshoutsBOO Wed 17-Oct-12 18:03:48

Whoa, slow down! Firstly you are a mummy, you have a stretchy tummy, a stretchy fanjo and a stretchy heart, it seems impossible that you can love anything or anyone else as much as your first baby but you can, its amazing! And don't worry about boy things, you and boy will learn the offside rule together, learn the difference between a diesel, steam and electric train as you go on, and you don't have to enjoy any things, just love that he does.

Of course you could always be having a girl smile

AnneH656 Wed 17-Oct-12 18:04:19

not at all - me too!

i was a single parent with DD for years and so it has always been me and DD 'against the world'. when i found out DC2 was a boy i felt a bit indifferent to be honest. it helped that DP was really happy - also the only one of his group of mates so far to have a boy.

still i spent a lot of time with really odd thoughts like 'what if i dont find him cute' because he is a boy. i know. totally irrational but all came down to the unknown.

what has helped was last week i met me friend for coffee and her 8 month old. he say with me whilst she went to the loo and gave me proper snuggle cuddles. when my friend got back she said that her DS was way more cuddley that her DD. i have to admit looking at the past my DD was always v independant and not cuddley at all.

so i am due on friday and looking forward to meeting my 'little man'. it'll be fine. i blame hormones for a lot of it...............................

PS we still dont have a name for him!

mummy2benji Wed 17-Oct-12 18:05:44

I have a ds and this baby is a girl - I spent weeks thinking "but I have no idea what to do with a girl!" Now I have got used to the idea I am starting to embrace pink and glittery things and am feeling excited. I have to say that I have absolutely loved having a little boy though! Boys are so much fun! They may like trains and cars and anything that goes "nee-naw" and have an innate knowledge of how to shout "brum-brum!" as soon they emerge from the womb, but they are sweet and loving and affectionate - boys are "mummy's boys"! Ds is a proper little boy but adores his mummy smile and there is nothing I love more than cuddles on the sofa with him. He is always ready to give me a kiss or tell me "I love you Mummy!"

Don't worry, I think it is just fear of the unknown and I am sure that you'll love having a little boy smile

MrsBungleBear Wed 17-Oct-12 18:14:02

I was worried about the same thing op. For various reasons that I'll not go into I really worried about how I'd feel if dc2 was a boy.

Although I didn't find out with dd, during my second I decided I needed to know what it was incase it was a boy so I could prepare myself.

The scan showed it was definitely a boy! My little ds is 5 months now and I love and cherish him just as immensely as my dd.

My issues were quite deep rooted (due to dm dying), I can't believe I was ever worried about it. He's just so cute and smiley and delicious!

I understand your worry but I honestly think if you do have a boy, when it comes to it, you'll be delighted.

wilkos Wed 17-Oct-12 18:24:44

I wanted my second dc to be a girl too, I have a sister I am close to and I wanted my much adored perfect DD to have that bond too. I naively assumed I would have a girl, because, well, I had had one before! A boy and a girl just wasn't MY plan, it was too 1950's, and too twee to have one of each. Ridiculous I know, but I never considered for one moment I would be having a boy.

And then at the 20 weeks scan "its a boy". I am ashamed to admit it but I cried and cried for a week, before pulling my socks up and getting on with it.

And guess what, I had the most amazing labour with him, and when he was born I loved him absolutely from the first moment. DD's birth in comparison was traumatic and although the rush of love came later it was a gradual sneaking up rather than the instant whoosh I had with DS.

Anyhoo, I can honestly say that I am so proud to have a boy, he is the most easy going laid back little chap and has totally confounded all the negative ideas I had in my head about boys. Him and my DD are totally in love with each other (he adores DD) and I can honestly say that I am bloody glad I didnt have my fictitious second dd. He brings a massive dollop of totally uncomplicated "boyness" into our lives and for that I am so very grateful.

He is a wonderful, witty and bright 2.5 year old now and I feel I am blessed to have him, and I am proud to say that I have a daughter and a son.

In fact I must go and stick him in the bath, as he has just walked into the kitchen sporting a hand drawn moustache and beard over the lower half of his face grin

Shelium Wed 17-Oct-12 18:52:12

thank you all! it helps to know I am not alone, and Wilko - you have pretty much sumed up exactly how I am feeling grin

Reading all of your stories, I know we will be fine no matter what the child - we are both very pleased it is healthy, I guess it is just, like you say, the fear of the unknown coupled with hormones!

now, don't get me started on which pram, or I might just cry with the stress of it all. how did I get to 30weeks without any of these things being sorted in my head?!

backwardpossom Wed 17-Oct-12 18:55:41

Now prams, I can sympathise with. It's actually easier to pick a car isn't it?!

Chubfuddler Wed 17-Oct-12 18:59:13

Boys toys are way more fun than girls'. You will be fine. Buck up.

PeachTown Wed 17-Oct-12 20:16:02

I was worried about having a boy - I had the exact sane thoughts as you regarding traipsing to football etc. I remember wondering what on earth I'd have in common with a small boy.

But DS was a boy and my heart still wants to explode every time I look at him. We're expecting DC2 now and I won't mind one bit if it's another boy. I never thought I'd think that.

notwoo Wed 17-Oct-12 20:21:53

I was similar. DC1 was a girl, there are loads of girls in my family, I had no experience with boys and my pregnancy with DC2 was exactly the same so I was expecting (and secretly hoping for) a girl.

DC2's birth was rather hairy and I ended up with an EMCS. When my husband told me it was a boy the first thing that flashed through my mind was 'but I wanted a girl'.

Then I saw him (seconds later) and got that mythical rush of love which I didn't get with DD.

I have been utterly besotted with him ever since. He's 7 months old now and absolutely adorable.

You will definitely love a boy just as much as your daughter.

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 17-Oct-12 21:08:29

I thought DD was a boy the whole way through. When she was born and they said its a girl I didnt really take it in.

For the first two days I kept referring to her as him grin

But my love for her was never in question.

ShowOfBloodyStumps Wed 17-Oct-12 21:16:42

You aren't having a boy. You're having a baby. Nobody can tell you what he'll be like based on what's between his legs. There are lots of myths about like boys love their mums (most dc do tbh grin) but at the same time, they'll bog off and leave them without a backward glance when they find a wife. They're messy or boisterous or simple or straightforward. Lots of stereotypes. The thing is, your little boy will be an exquisite mix of you and his Dad. He'll have his own quirks, his own laugh, his own idiosyncracies, his own brand of humour and affection and a whole life to share with you. And will you love it? Indescribably.

I worried about how I'd love a second child. I couldn't understand how it was possible. Then I had dc2, my ds and it was the simplest thing in the world.


LittleWhiteWolf Wed 17-Oct-12 21:20:02

I have a girl and a boy. I adore my son; I adore being able to say I have a son. Admittedly he is only 6 months old, but I could not be more in love with my little monkey. Like you, OP, I come from a very female family, but DS fits in beautifully. You'll be fine smile

Shelium Wed 17-Oct-12 21:20:40

oh <<<show>>> you made me cry grin

girlsyearapart Wed 17-Oct-12 21:22:18

I felt exactly the same after going through three pregnancies convinced it would be a boy and having three girls.

Felt I would have no idea what to do with a boy.

Spent pregnancy number 4 expecting it to be a girl as felt I was just destined to be a girl mum.

Dc4 is a ten month old boy.

I can't get over how much I love him grin

MsHighwater Wed 17-Oct-12 21:30:17

Just to be picky, but the "line" you come from has just as many boys in it as it has girls.

terilou87 Wed 17-Oct-12 21:30:53

aww hun. trust me when he is here you will be thinking what a daft tw*t you were for ever thinking it. you will see him and all them thoughts will go away and you will do what all good mums do, get on with it! smile

Flisspaps Wed 17-Oct-12 21:34:25

DS was the first boy born in DH's family in nearly 20 years. The only boy I'd ever had anything to do with was my brother and he's only 2 years younger than me.

We had a DD already and I knew how to look often girls - I'd childminded 3 in the year before DS was born.

He's AMAZING and I adore him - just as much, and in the same way as DD. He's fabulous. He looks a lot like his big sister, and has amazing chubby cheeks that I can chobble. I wondered what I'd do with a boy! Don't worry. All you're going to think is that he's your wonderful boy.

I expected him to be a girl, by the way, as it was so long we'd had a boy in the family.

I was shock when DH told me we'd got a boy.

Shelium Wed 17-Oct-12 22:28:16

Ahhh MsHighwater, but the boys are all "married in" rather than DS's iyswim - My dad being the exception, but he has sadly died, leaving his mum, his sister (no husband), her daughter and grandaughter (no husbands), my mum, my sister, me and dd. Dad would be almost 70 if he were still around, so no boys for many a year smile

My mum has one brother, but he is in his 80's and no children. Other family are also great aunties and second cousins who are female. A son would be lovely, but I'm just worried about the dynamics of a boy child. Irrational I know. But it is nice to hear that other's share my worries smile

rogersmellyonthetelly Thu 18-Oct-12 08:41:47

Boy babies and girl babies are pretty much the same,
Except with boys the plumbing is different. He will still melt your heart I promise you and within a couple of weeks you won't be able to imagine anything else.

RPosieB Thu 18-Oct-12 08:57:31

Jeez these posts have made me cry! Have 3 year old girl and am pregnant with a boy and have been ridiculously worried that I won't love him!! My husband works nights and so it's always been just me and DD and I also feel a bit resentful that he's going to take something away from her. Isn't that awful? Feel really guilty about it. Am delighted to be pregnant but still can't help worrying.
You've made me feel better though so thanks for that!!

sweetkitty Thu 18-Oct-12 09:06:00

You know everyone has thoughts like these when I was pregnant with DD2 I thought and stressed about how I could ever love another baby as much as DD1. But as always when she was born your live just doubles it doesn't half. I had another DD and the same thing happened. We ttc no4 whom I just a girl, had her names chosen and could see myself with a girly gang of four. Of course we found out he was a boy, whilst everyone else was delighted at us finally getting the much prized son I was disappointed I mean a boy, I would see them running about in the playground being boys and think no I can't have one of those.

Of course the minute they plonked him on me I fell in love, he was just like the rest of them as a baby but now he's 2 1/2 he's definitely a boy, he's a little alpha male so different to the girls. He's also the most affectionate of them all and a total mummy's boy. We all utterly adore him as you will with your boy. Different is good I don't think one sex is better than the other and it's wrong to generalise as each child is so different too.

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