Not sure if this is the right topic but please give me some advice..(11 Posts)
I'm pregnant, it wasn't planned but it will all work out okay, even though I'll be a single parent. I am so scared though, I know nothing about babies! I've never changed a nappy or rocked a baby to sleep. Worst thing I'm worrying about is feeding - this may horrify some of you and I'm sorry if so but breastfeeding just seems so...animal like to me!! Having a baby suck on my boob would feel so strange. I just feel I want to bottle feed because I can't feel comfortable with the idea! I feel bad cus I know breast milk is best.
I totally understand what you're saying about breast feeding. My head told me it was the best thing but there was always a part of me that found it a little... icky! Having said that, I've heard of people who hated the idea until they tried it & then completely changed their minds! No need to make any decisions yet, try to read up about it & maybe give it a go when the baby comes - it may not be as awful as you think!
As for nappy changing etc, you'll pick it up as you go along. Do you have any friends with children who might be able to share their experiences? Failing that, do go along to antenatal classes & make friends! Chances are there'll be someone who has their baby before you & you can learn from them!
It is bloody scary.
I'd also never so much as held a baby before I had DS, let alone changed a nappy!
But you do just get on with it, and it isn't all that bad. As for breastfeeding, if you feel at all able do give it a try, the first milk is so good for them. However if you don't feel able, or if you try and find it difficult, don't feel guilty for not BFing. I struggled to BF and gave up relatively quickly, DS is now thriving, and is a happy little boy, no worse off for bottle feeding.
I know I was terrified of changing DS's nappy for the first time, especially when it got to the end of visiting hours at the hospital and I realised I'd be on my own when it needed doing! But it was easier than I expected, and now it's no big deal at all. Rocking a baby to sleep can be a lovely experience as well
Good luck! And enjoy it!
BF is nothing like what I expected. Although I was an abject failure, I gave it a go. DD did end up being FF but is a healthy 11 year old.
I had never held a baby with a wobbly head (that did surprise me) despite my sister having had four before me.
Nappy changing really is common sense. Once you start, you'll take a certain amount of pride in having winkled out the most tenacious bits of poo, and preen at your shiny LO's bum.
Congratulations! It'll be fine. You've already found MN so that's a start.
BF might not seem normal now but you may change your mind after the birth. If you really can't face it try to express the first milk so your baby gets all the goodness from that.
Nappies, well, they need changing a lot so by the time you leave hospital you'll be a pro! And babies don't necessarily need rocking to sleep - some are happy to just be put down and get on with it! Cuddling your baby will come fairly easily though
Congratulations well you've made a good start by asking for advice. Do you know when you're due? I'd advise joining an ante-natal thread for the month you are due (look under topics/becoming a parent/ante-natal threads). I'm pregnant with my first and I've found it helpful to know his everyone else is feeling and their plans. They talk about what they're planning to buy, what they'll get second hand and things, very helpful!
Congratulations!! It is easy to say "don't worry, you'll be fine" but... don't worry you'll be fine! Motherhood is instinctive - I didn't have the first clue about looking after babies when I had ds, but from the first moment I picked him up he was my baby and there was no way in the world I could drop him or do anything awful! There is nothing in the world that compares with looking at your baby and the wonder of knowing that you grew this amazing little person inside you. The midwives will show you how to do basic things like baby's first bath and changing nappies if you need a hand. Make sure you are comfortable with all these things before they send you home from hospital. With regards breastfeeding it's funny, I couldn't bear the thought of it either and always thought I'd bottlefeed, then nearer the time I decided I wanted baby to at least have the colostrum and that I would try it for a couple of days - it actually felt very natural and not at all horrible. The opposite in fact, there is something very sweet and nurturing about feeding your baby. Having said that I had to switch to bottle feeding quite quickly as I wasn't making enough milk, but I would suggest not making up your mind until nearer the time - there is no pressure to choose one way or the other, that is up to you, but equally no rush to decide. x
I remeber having same fears - I too had never ever held small baby or been near them! I wasnt maternal at all and had never cooed over new borns.
I remember saying to my MIL how scared I was and she said " you will be surprised, amazed even at how quickly you pick it up"
i thought....no ...i wont!! I will need alot of help!
By day TWO, i was fully in the swing of things! That first night in hospital after my highly competent Dh had to leave - I panicked and had to ask for help to change the nappy, I think I asked twice for people to show me.
The reality of being in the hospital alone with baby was actually more exciting and new and wonderful because you do have mw help a buzzer away.....
Re breast feeding, I totally agree its alot to get head round.
I certainly gave it a go like Mummy2benji thinking, just at least let her have the collostrum, the baby makes it so natural - that alone will help you get your head around it.
Having said that - it was still odd. It is very animalisitic but more so when your on a breast pump!!! What a double breast pump is like - must be even more cow like. Also I personally dont think the pictures they show you help,.....
I treid for 3 months but had too many other pressures on me, and just did night feeds as much much easier than having to get up and faff with bottles.
However - this time - I sort of know what to expect and really for me the ease and cost side - I am going to try again ....
There is something in you that will naturally click into place once baby is born, nature has had to make it so - otherwise none of us would be here!
Agree with what all the other posters have said - things really do come naturally when it's your own child - I'm still not very good with other people's kids but my bond with my son is amazing!!
With breastfeeding, in all honesty by the time you get to late pregnancy and all the wonderful side effects and complaints you will (probably) have, things no longer feel so weird and animalistic! As other posters have said, try to do the first 3 days colostrum feed if you can as that's the best thing for baby, after that see how you feel. Having done both breast then changed to bottle feeding after 3 months, I can tell you in the early days bottle feeding feels like the easier option, once baby is sleeping through (or only waking once or twice) then trust me, breastfeeding is far easier
and cheaper and I plan on doing it with second baby far longer simply because I think I stopped just as it was getting to be the easier option!
Oh, and congratulations obviously!!
I thought that about BFing, but your breasts feel totally different by the time you have a baby so it doesn't feel like someone sucking on your "normal" breast IYKWIM and its actually quite a relief to empty them
it doesn't come naturally for everyone but that doesn't mean you wont enjoy it, there's lots of books about caring for a newborn and various parentcraft classes, SS children's centres sometimes run parenting courses as do companies like this http://www.babycalm.co.uk/
I'm not a baby person, and had no prior experience but am happily expecting my second so can't be that bad
Which part of sex or childbirth isn't "animal"? Not to mention most of everything else we do, like eating, toileting, getting emotional about anything...
Good luck .
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