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Missed miscarriage

(262 Posts)
C4ALR Tue 16-Oct-12 22:12:01

I have found out today I have had a missed miscarriage. I still have the foetus in my womb. I have opted to pass it naturally instead of surgery but a now bit scared as unsure what to expect?
Am I going to go to the toilet and pass a large clot?
Please help sad

sundaesundae Tue 16-Oct-12 22:40:22


Lots of info and advice over here, I am so sorry for your news.

Smallgreenone Wed 17-Oct-12 03:33:20

I'm so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage and waited to pass everything naturally. For me it started with light bleeding followed by a day of nasty cramps and then that night very painful cramps and quite a lot of blood and clots. I'd never had a mc before and found it quite frightening. I had also stupidly gone to Amsterdam with some girlfriends and ended up going to hospital there as was worried I was losing too much blood- I wasn't you will feel like you lose a lot. The next day was much better, no pain and lighter blood loss.
It's awful though and you have my deepest sympathies. X

mummy2benji Wed 17-Oct-12 07:58:36

So sorry love sad I had a mmc last December but I opted for a d&c so I couldn't give you my personal experience of medical management. It is a distressing time either way. x

3rdtimelucky73 Wed 17-Oct-12 10:42:10

Mine at 7 weeks was similar to Smalls.

Light bleeding, period pain for a couple of days, followed by two days of contraction type pain, heavy bleeding and eventually passing the products (this only happened when I went to the toilet when I felt something heavy on my cervix).

The hospital were able to give me some much needed painkillers, I think they were just co-codamol though.

I am really sorry for your loss, I hope you have someone to be with you through this. x

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 11:41:50

Thank u for ur replies, yes I do hav a partner that is trying so hard to support me, my mum and dad r great too but none of them really understand how I feel I dont think.
I started bleedin sat night, I havent really had very heavy bleeding yet, had somr clots not big tho and only wen I hav a bath I notice them. Got worse cramps today and feel really sick x
Sorry to hear bout ur losses too I feel for u, I wudnt wish this pain on my worst enemy x

janey1234 Wed 17-Oct-12 12:01:00

So sorry to hear of your loss. I had a mmc at 12 weeks a year ago, and it's awful. I chose to have an operation, but nature decided to take its course on the way to hospital, so ended up doing it naturally.
What you've already been told is good advice. You will bleed a LOT, and I was surprised at how painful it was at times (NOT like period pains in my case...). Take it very easy indeed - I was in hospital (due to planned op) and tried to check out that afternoon and ended up nearly passing out as I left and being re-admitted - all the blood loss combined with stairs and quick walking to get out of there was too much for me I think. Don't be surprised at how long it takes for you to feel stronger physically, take as much time off work as you need/can. I did it all on my own (ex-P lived abroad, as did my parents and brother, refused to let friends near for some reason) and with hindsight that was very silly - so let people help you, it does make a difference.
Emotionally, it DOES get easier with time, I promise.
So sorry for what you're going through - lots of support here should you need it. x

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 12:08:09

Thank you for your support, im feelin very sick today and feeling like I jus want it over.
I seem ok one minute then the next im cryin, with pain in my stomach and heart. Iv never felt so much pain.
Sorry to go on I feel I need to keep talkin about it. How do u get over this?
I keep thinking, I was only 6 wks wen he/she died, now I wud b 8 wks, so was it a baby yet, hav I lost my baby or was it.not formed yet? Should I feel this bad, I prob am not makin sense I cant fink straight at the moment x

janey1234 Wed 17-Oct-12 12:37:58

Nothing can explain how bad you're feeling, but we understand. I won't lie to you, I found it absolutely heartbreaking, and if I think about it even now, I still cry. BUT I promise you it does get better and bearable - it just takes time.
I managed to get some counselling though work to help me (about three months on - I didn't cry at the time and just bottled it all up, which with hindsight was very silly) but it might be worth asking if your hospital offer any support or counselling - mine did but I didn't accept it at the time.

You're absolutely not going on, far from it. You're going through a horrible horrible horrible thing, and to be realistic you can't even start to think about 'getting over it' until the painful, messy physical side of it is over. And that will take time.

Be easy on yourself, don't try to decide how you should or shouldn't feel: you feel how you feel, and that's that.

Cry if you want to, for as long as you want to. I didn't/couldn't and I think it made it harder in the long run.

Lean on people around you, and look for more support (in real life, through counselling, or on here) if you need it.

You WILL get through this and you WILL feel 'normal' again. Just don't expect it to be tomorrow.... (hugs)


bex2011 Wed 17-Oct-12 14:03:34

I had a mmc last week. I had had a scan that showed a 5 week old foetus but should have been 11 weeks. I passed it all naturally, with a little intervention from the consultant, but no d&c or medical management. I bled a lot, way more than the 'heavy' period some people report.

My advice would be to have someone with/near you at all times and if the bleeding is heavy, contact the hospital.

Take time off work after if you can for some afternoon naps and you time.

janey1234 Wed 17-Oct-12 14:07:48

Hope you're OK bex. It's awful how horribly common it is.

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 15:24:56

Thanks janey, u seem like a lovely lady. Very caring. Iv jus been to tesco had to get some shoppin, I feel like iv ran a marathon now, exhausted emotionly and physically.
Sounds likr u dealth wiv it differntly than me, shows how everyone copes differently.

Bex I can imagine u r feelin like me at the.moment cos its very fresh in ur life, and it is scary, u dnt realise how common this is until it happens to u. Do u feel like its got any easier yet? X

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 15:27:12

Thanks janey, u seem like a lovely lady. Very caring. Iv jus been to tesco had to get some shoppin, I feel like iv ran a marathon now, exhausted emotionly and physically.
Sounds likr u dealth wiv it differntly than me, shows how everyone copes differently.

Bex I can imagine u r feelin like me at the.moment cos its very fresh in ur life, and it is scary, u dnt realise how common this is until it happens to u. Do u feel like its got any easier yet? X

janey1234 Wed 17-Oct-12 15:45:39

Like I said, don't underestimate how much it takes out of you. After the worst of it I tried to unload the dishwasher that evening, and was completely out of breath and felt sick after lifting about four plates out. It's not like having a period, so don't treat it as such. It's exhausting and you need to take it easy, please try to do as little as possible.

If you ever need anything just PM me. x

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 15:59:24

Yer I will, im laid on sofa wiv cuppa tea and a film, which is where im intendin to stay for a bit. Thanks for talking to me.

janey1234 Wed 17-Oct-12 16:08:58

Any time. x

StrawbsAndCream Wed 17-Oct-12 17:37:28

I'm so sorry hun, it is really the worst feeling ever isn't it? I had a mmc at nearly 13 weeks last month after 19 months ttc, I went to the hospital as I had slightly brown discharge and hadn't yet had my 12 week scan, the scan showed baby had stopped growing at nearly 9 wks and no heartbeat :-(

I opted to have an erpc as the discharge had stopped and there were no signs of it happening naturally, so can't really help with that, just wanted to let you know as well that you aren't alone, it sadly is so common, I didn't realise until I came on here and saw all the ladies that have been through it too. I am still struggling and don't really go a day without crying about it, but it has only been 6 weeks and it is a lot better than it was so just hang in there lovely xxx I remember the 2 days in between finding out and having the op, it was such a strange feeling still being pregnant but knowing the baby wasn't alive, it's so hard. It's really good you have support, I don't what I'd have done without my DF and family. Make sure you carry on lazing about on the sofa! I had 2 weeks off work and probably needed more, and make sure you have some strong painkillers and lots of pads, so awful that we have to think of these things isn't it, I thought I was done with pads and stuff until next year! If you do end up having to have an erpc,( which you probably won't) feel free to ask any questions like the other lovely ladies have said, we are all here for you xxx

mummy2benji Wed 17-Oct-12 17:56:28

I found it very hard emotionally at the time, when I had my mmc last December. Mine was discovered at 8 weeks. I had a d&c and the hospital have a system with the local council where any remains are cremated with a number of others and the ashes are scattered at a local cemetary. They told me this might not happen until 6-8 weeks after my d&c, as it only took place every couple of months, but after that I would know it had happened. So 2 months after my mmc I went to the cemetary and just walked around it, and liked being able to associate that place with my baby that wasn't to be. I think they will always be your baby, or the baby that you didn't have, but after a while you gain a sense of peace about it and appreciate that the pregnancy didn't continue for a reason, whatever that might have been. I am 38+4 now and at peace with the miscarriage - this baby doesn't cancel the hurt of the previous loss, but I won't forget that baby and believe that one day I might meet them in heaven, you never know. x

cogitosum Wed 17-Oct-12 18:02:02

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had mmc in June. I had erpc and still had quite heavy bleeding and pain so be easy on yourself. If you ever need to offload I found posting here really helpful. Thinking of you xxx

C4ALR Wed 17-Oct-12 21:16:54

Thanks ladies, its really nice to no ive got support on here. And again im so sorry for ur losses.
I do agree it has happened for a reason but it doesnt make it any easier does it.
I was scared about having the dc, the nurse was giving the statistics of thinga goin rong and scared me too much x

janey1234 Thu 18-Oct-12 11:06:31

You've just got to make the choice of what seems right for you at the time. How are you getting on today?

C4ALR Thu 18-Oct-12 14:58:23

I feel a little better today, been out with my mum this morning, only cried once so far today so better than yday but who knows what tomoro wil bring. Thanks for asking how I am x

janey1234 Thu 18-Oct-12 16:48:50

Ups and downs I suspect, ups and downs. We're here for the bad days, and with time, you'll have more and more of the good ones.

C4ALR Thu 18-Oct-12 18:34:05

Yer I no that deep down, il b fine in time smile

3rdtimelucky73 Thu 18-Oct-12 22:34:16

Glad you've had a better day today C4ALR, it does get easier.

Don't feel bad for 'going on' - I'm a newbie round here, but can already see that people will listen and do understand.

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