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Any advice for dealing with lovely idiot husband?

(7 Posts)
FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Mon 15-Oct-12 09:45:28

As you all know, found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant. Last night my husband told me that he doesn't want to be in a marriage where he gets nothing out of it hmm

Now before you all shout at me to leave the bastard, I should say he is actually the most lovely, supportive husband a woman could wish for. He's also an aspie and sometimes he wants to say one thing but it comes out as something very, very different. I understand this, being autistic myself, and once I get over the shock of what he actually said, I can understand what he is trying to say.

In this instance he was trying to tell me that loves me and spending time with me and being a couple so much that he's frightened there will be no room for him once the baby comes along. He's terrified he'll be surplus to requirements.

Any advice on how I can reassure him?

(When he realised what he'd actually said he was mortified and spent the rest of the evening fussing over me like a mother hen grin)

mrsdaisaku Mon 15-Oct-12 10:16:09

Awwww bless him, I can understand why he is worried. The first child is the one that changes your life the most. Obviously the first few months after you give birth its going to be all about the baby. But just remember, they do get into a routine, they do start sleeping the night through and that's when you get the 'grown up' time.

Then as baby gets older you start doing things as a family, you have family that will want to look after the baby for you and you make the most of those opportunities to just be a couple. A baby is an expansion of you both as a couple, not the end smile Good luck, sounds like your hubby cares alot about you and its great that he's able to communicate how he's feeling about the new arrival. (Even if he's not always able to do it in the way he would want to smile )

megandraper Mon 15-Oct-12 10:29:56

You sound like a lovely couple. Maybe tell him that he will be a father - it is a whole new side of himself that he is going to discover. He can never be surplus to requirements, because he is the baby's father and the baby will love him just as much as you love him.

JennerOSity Mon 15-Oct-12 11:00:57

You can tell him that there will be more than enough love to go around, and that though things will be different - yes, especially at first. You will settle into a family rhythm and what you gain will more than make up for anything lost. IME any negative impact on your couple dynamic is temporary not permanent.

lottiegarbanzo Mon 15-Oct-12 11:05:05

He gets the love of a lovely baby, a new little playmate and becomes an important part of a bigger family. More love, not less.

datingthedevil Mon 15-Oct-12 12:11:33

There are lots of great sites on fbook for partners of aspies who can offer support and advice. Good luck!

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Mon 15-Oct-12 14:08:22

Thank you for all the wise words, they're very helpful.

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