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Concerned about dp being aggressive

(8 Posts)
Themilkyboobsareonme Sat 13-Oct-12 10:20:16

It's probably (hopefully) nothing but I've noticed my usually lovely kind gentle dp becoming a bit more aggressive with me recently. I'm 31+1.

Just a couple of things that got me worried are the other day we were laying on the sofa and joking aroun, I called him a name and he slapped me on the side. Not hard but enough that I questioned him. He said "I hardly hit you love" but then he rubbed my side for the rest of the night.

A second incident this morning he came up behind me in the kitchen and started pretend spanking me with his dressing gown belt (don't ask) I said ouch that hurts but he carried on a couple more I told him to stop as it hurt and he did but he didn't apologise he just said "that doesn't hurt"

I know they seem trivial but it makes me a bit worried as he is usually so kind. I'm not sure what's got into him. Tell me I'm worrying over nothing.

rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 13-Oct-12 10:26:46

Speak to him seriously about it. A jokey slap is one thing, if you are giving as good as you get, but random spanking? Sounds a bit odd. You could also explain that you are carrying 1.5 times the amount of blood as normal and that your skin is very sensitive right now, so what might not hurt him may well hurt you. Besides, who is he to say what hurts you and what doesn't? It may well be nothing, it may well be something. Does he normally try to minimise your feelings like this?

solidgoldbrass Sat 13-Oct-12 10:31:42

This is rather worrying, particuarly the fact that you had to tell him to stop more than once. What's the relationship like otherwise? More to the point, is he 'kind and gentle' even when he's not getting his own way, or have you become used to prioritizing him over yourself all the time?

Purplecatti Sat 13-Oct-12 10:33:04

He's being a tw*t.
It's a stupid bloke thing which means he is unable to connect to his feelings and having to manifest it in some physical way.
Either burst into tears and make him feel really bad or kick him out to see some boisterous friends.
My OH flicked a hairband at me this morning and then had to submit to 'pregnant wife beater' accusatory hysteria for an hour.
He won't be trying that again.

terilou87 Sat 13-Oct-12 10:41:23

i agree with purplecatti he is being a tw*t, it doesnt sound like he is doing it intentionally to be a wife beater more playfully rough, i would talk to him and try to explain, or if he does the usual bloke thing and ignores everything you've just said go over dramatic crying screaming slamming doors then go to bed and ignore him. thats what i do to my other half, he usually leaves me for half hour and sculks upstairs to apoligise.

10storeylovesong Sat 13-Oct-12 11:09:41

Is this your first child? Domestic abuse oftens begins or worsens during pregnancy, mainly due to a lack of control and jealousy on the part of the male. I'm not saying that's what this is, but if you're at all concerned there are agencies online and on phone that can offer impartial advice (google national domestic abuse helpline). I'm not accusing your dh of being a wife beater btw - he may just be struggling with stress and all the changes and not knowing how to behave around you (both situations sound like he's being awkward rather than out and out aggressive) but a lot of women tend to trivialise domestic violence and not report or question it until it gets much worse.

Personally I'd try to avoid the hysterics as it allows him to justify some element of his behaviour as you just being a hysterical, hormonal pregnant woman - and try and sit down with him and explain how his behaviour made you feel. This will also allow you to gauge his reaction, eg sorry and shocked he made you feel like that, or trivialising his behaviour. This may allow you to make a judgement on how to proceed with matters and/or deal with any further incidents.

Good luck. Remember to put you and baby first!

Themilkyboobsareonme Sat 13-Oct-12 12:08:11

Thanks for your replies. I will have a talk with him about it as it makes me feel uneasy. Hopefully it is just me being over sensitive. This is our first child and we are both really excited.

He does have a tendency to ride rough shod over things I say but I don't think he does it to be an arsehole. I think he feels like he needs to be heard which I totally get.

I'll keep you updated smile

rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 13-Oct-12 13:05:57

Don't you have a need, and in fact a right to be heard? Now is the time to change things. If he rides roughshod over what you say, belittles your point of view etc, don't stand for it. You don't need to have an argument about it, but do challenge him about why he feels your opinions are less valid than his. Mutual respect is vital in a relationship, and it sounds at the moment as if he doesn't have much respect for your views. This will slowly erode your own belief in yourself. I speak from experience, don't let it happen to you too. I was going to mention about domestic abuse increasing in pregnancy, but didnt think your situation particularly warranted it as it didn't sound like a violent outburst from him, but abuse can take many forms, and with a new baby you will be feeling tired and probably more than a little unsure of yourself, away from your normal life and support circle of friends. It can be very isolating and make you very vulnerable to emotional abuse, as well as financial and physical.

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