Help, I dont know what to do...(4 Posts)
I'm 20, in my second year of uni and just found out I'm pregnant (no one apart from my cousin knows). My boyfriend and me have been together 6 months and I'm having doubts as far as our relationship goes as in the past month hes become (more) controlling and I'm scared that this baby will make everything worse.
My family are worried about me enough as it is, the other day I just broke down. I don't know what to do anymore...
If you want to keep your baby the best thing you can do is get out of that relationship, and tbh even if you don't keep the baby, I've been with controlling guys and it doesn't get any better. If your family are worried about you they're more than likely to support you throughout your pregnancy, you won't be alone.
It is understandable you are buckling with carrying this worry on your own. Share it with someone, sooner rather than later, and I'm speaking as someone who has just almost failed my final year because I kept all my problems to myself. When I involved people I was amazed how much they came up with the goods to help me through it! These things happen.
Your family would be more upset for you to keep something like this from them than if you share - worrying is what families do.
Incidentally, it is possible to finish your degree if you decide to keep the baby - I had my baby at end of my first year and completed my degree this August - he is 2yo now.
The boyfriend is a separate problem - if you are having doubts about him now it probably isn't going to get any better. If he was out of the picture your decisions and road ahead would probably actually be clearer to you!
Yes you are certainly not the only person to fall pregnant at Uni and there is no reason why it should mean the end of your studies - just a period of maternity leave which the Uni will be used to organising for people. When I was your age I would have been terrified at the prospect of telling my parents that I was pregnant - now I am older, I can see that while they would not have been thrilled, they love me and would have supported me whatever they might have thought. As a parent myself I know that there is nothing my children could do that would make me love them any less or be disappointed in them - although my initial reaction to something may not make that as obvious as it is. Carrying the stress and worry by yourself is too much, and even a good friend cannot provide the support and practical advice that your parents can - it will be hard but I strongly advise going home to see them and explaining everything. Listen to their advice (which may be different after they have recovered from the surprise) but equally don't feel pressured into a particular decision - this is your life, your baby. I agree the bf is a separate issue - there is no reason why having a baby should tie you to him if you feel it is not right between you. You can offer him contact and involvement if you choose not to stay with him, and what he chooses to do depends on how much of a man he is - that varies with men, unfortunately... But you are young, and if he is not "the one" for you then you have a long time yet to find a man who loves and accepts both you and your child. In my experience witth friends, being a single parent does not put off a guy worth having. hugs and good luck x
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