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how much help should I ask DH for (pregnant with 2 older kids, working, knackered)

(3 Posts)
Doraemon Thu 11-Oct-12 11:36:25

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and just had a very very slight bleed this morning - midwife said it's probably nothing and it seems to have stopped but it totally freaked me out (DS1 and 2 both born very early so I am v. high risk).
I am a childminder so had to call mindees families and take the day off, took the kids to school then went back to bed. Am loving a morning doing nothing.

DH is out of the house from 07:30 to about 18:15, was away overseas all last week, often works a bit in the evening too. I have toddler mindees 4 days a week plus a 5 and a 7 year old. I do pretty much all the housework - on a good day DH might wash up in the evening, he did vacuum upstairs and the stairs at the weekend, and he cooks at the weekend. He helps with bedtime when he is here.

I am physically exhausted by the end of the day - from next week I only have one mindee so no more double buggy to push thank goodness. But DH is also working really hard (and I think in part his anxiety about the pregnancy is channelled into working harder....). So I'm not sure really how much more I can ask him to do at home. I'm planning on finishing work at 28 weeks but not sure I can keep this up for another 10 weeks.
Any thoughts?

megandraper Thu 11-Oct-12 11:48:39

You should ask DH for as much help as you need, and he should give you as much help as he physically can.

that might not sound helpful, but it's meant to be. When I was pg with no. 3 and absolutely exhausted (plus SPD), DH came home early as much as possible, did a lot of extra jobs round the house, took the kids on weekend afternoons so I could have a nap.

Bleeds are a sign you need to rest more. I had them in my first two pgs. He should do the heavy stuff (like vacuuming everywhere, carrying anything etc.) Also stuff that is physically uncomfortable (I found standing to cook was uncomfortable in the last month or so - I was pretty enormous...) If he doesn't want to do the housework, you should get a cleaner for a few months (paid for out of joint monies).

Doesn't matter how long hours your DH works, he is physically capable of taking more on for a couple of months. You, currently, are not, and for your health and your baby's health, he needs to step up. If he's a decent man then he'll do that.

Good luck, really wish you all the best.

mummy2benji Thu 11-Oct-12 15:06:27

I totally sympathise - my hubby has his final exams to become a consultant surgeon starting less than 2 weeks after baby is due, so he is basically working 24/7. The exams are majorly important and cost another 2 grand if he has to resit them so he is pretty stressed, what with baby's arrival pending - I am 37+5 today.

I have thankfully stopped work now but have nearly-four-year-old ds to look after plus the housework, cooking, trying to get things organised for baby's arrival. Hubby leaves for work at 7am and isn't home till 7pm, then sees ds for a short time before his bed, then he has to hit the books. Doing everything is exhausting me but I feel bad if I have to ask him to just change a lightbulb or take the bin out for me.

I would say do everything you can to limit what you have to do at home. Buy some readymeals or have simple food like pasta so you don't have to spend long preparing. Or if you cook, cook in bulk and freeze some, so you don't have to cook another time (or after baby is born). Do your supermarket shopping online and have it delivered. Don't stress if the house isn't entirely clean and tidy - it won't do anyone any harm. The kids are old enough to tidy and look after their rooms, so make sure they help a little too and tidy their toys away. I think you do need some extra help from DH, after all you have just had a slight bleed so should be able to rest a bit more for a few days at least, so maybe think about what help specifically you would like from him. Rather than just asking him to do more at home, if you ask him to take care of specific jobs, like putting the bins out or doing the dishes, then he'll be doing something helpful for you and he'll also know how he can be useful.

Does he have to work this hard? If it's necessary pressure that he's under, or he's doing it because he feels he has to provide for baby that is one thing - if he's just throwing himself into work unnecessarily then it is maybe a good idea for a talk to explain to him that actually you need him too. Good luck with everything! x

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