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I know nothing!!!!

(26 Posts)
SammyFirstBaby Wed 10-Oct-12 23:32:34

I'm 19. I basicly have no parents, well I do but they are so un-involved. My family doesn't talk to me.
And boyfriends family isn't much better
I have contacted the workshops but there not untill later on I have a few questions if any one could help me?

What does the baby sleep in? A cot or moses basket?
Should I buy a buggy new or second hand?
What buggy would you suggest? I'm using public transport a lot, cars will be never proberly. Maybe depends on parents attitude towards me.
What clothes do I buy? What's the diffrence in a sleep suit and all in one vest?
What size nappys should I buy for birth?
How much am I expecting to spend on the baby before its born?

Please don't tell me I'm a crap mother. I already know.

ProudNeathGirl Wed 10-Oct-12 23:37:41

Nappies - they have sizes on the packet - done in age. You'll need the "from birth" size at first.
Baby can sleep in a Moses basket at first. He'll be so tiny he'll be lost in a cot.

Personally, I'd get a second hand buggy/pram/pushchair. They are in them for such a short time it hardly seems worth the expense of a new one, IMO.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 10-Oct-12 23:41:55

You're not a crap mother.

I'm assuming you're a bit on the skint side? In which case a new baby can sleep in with you (as long as you don't smoke, drink, or take drugs) or in a cot, according to your preference; a Moses basket is nice but quickly outgrown.

Anything can be bought second-hand, but I'd get a new mattress for the Moses basket/cot. My dc are grown so I'll leave those with more up to date knowledge about buggy-buying.

A sleepsuit I would think is like a babygrow, it covers the whole body and all four limbs, including feet but not usually hands. An all in one vest will have cap sleeves and no legs.

Not sure on nappy sizes, others will advise. As for how many clothes you buy, that depends partly on your access to washing/drying facilities, but remember that good quality baby clothes can be bought very cheaply in charity shops. Babies outgrow their clothes before they wear them out. smile

How much you spend depends on how much you have, to be honest, a baby doesn't have to be very eexpensive, and you can often get "equipment" for free. Do you know about freecycle/freegle?

Moses basket for first six months. Then a cot.

New or second hand depends entirely on your budget and your preference. I had new with my first but intend on second hand for this baby.

Cant really comment on types of buggies. Its a minefield that confuses me.

Vests are either long sleeve or short sleeve with no legs and button at the nappy. Sleepsuits go over vests and have feet in them.

But newborn size nappies. You will get an estimated weight and then you can look on the nappy box for what weight they are for.

Spends really varies. But if you are on a tight budget make a list of all that you need and start buying it bit by bit!

You arent a crap mother! Congratulations smile

Arseface Wed 10-Oct-12 23:43:55

Hi Sammy, congratulations on your pregnancy!
You're not a crap mother. The fact that you care enough to ask on here is proof of that.

In answer to your questions:

You will need a cot but small babies often find it hard to settle in a big space so are put in moses baskets for the first couple of months. Lots of people find them pointless though.

Nothing wrong with second hand buggies. Just make sure it's suitable from birth.

So many buggies out there it's down to personal choice. You can always go to a shop and try out ones you like the look of then buy second hand anyway.

Sleepsuit covers baby from neck to toes and is better for colder months. You can put a vest under it. Vest has no legs but might have long or short sleeves. Can layer up under sleepsuit or wear alone in summer.

Also, speak to your midwife and tell her your worries. There may be a young mum group at a surestart centre near you. Really helps to have friends in the same boat.

Sorry your parents are being distant. It might well change once their irresistible little grandchild is actually here though.

Best of luck. It is scary but lots of info and help on the pregnancy, birth and ante/post natal boards here. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it!

ProudNeathGirl Wed 10-Oct-12 23:43:57

A sleep suit is like a "onsie". It has arms and legs, and the feet don't stick out. It usually has poppers up the front. Buy loads of these. They are really convenient and you'll use at least one a day. They are very cheap in places like ASDA.

If the baby is due in the winter you'll need to put a vest under the sleep suit. Vests don't have arms or legs, and they do up with poppers under the crotch.

You'll need something for the baby to wear when you go out too. And cardigans would be a good idea.

As for proper clothes - I bet you'll get given a lot as presents when baby is born. But you can buy whatever you want. Have a browse round a few baby shops.

Does that help?

StateofConfusion Wed 10-Oct-12 23:45:29

NO your not.

I was 18 when I had my ds, the unknown if far scarier than the reality, trust me.

Baby can go straight to a cot if you want, and it saves money, or a basket/lie flat pram/crib its totally up to you. So long as feet are at the foot and covers are tucket tight it doesn't matter what size. Or use sleeping bags for peace of mind.

2nd hand buggy is fine, if your on public transport you want something easy to fold but must be lie flat for a newborn, the pushchair topic here has a lot of info and help if you post what you need from a pram and your budget you'll get lots of help finding one.

Clothes, supermarkets are the best place, sleepsuit/babygrows are the complete all in ones, cover arms legs and feet, vests are like tshirts which popper between the legs. Or if your on facebook find local selling pages you can get fantastic bundles of great condition newborn bits. Matalans good for cheap snowsuits/coats.

If you get your bounty packs you'll get a voucher for a free pack of size 1 huggies newborns, I found them pretty good, although asda/tesco and aldi newborns get great reviews, first size I'd say get the ones upto 9lb/11lb

You don't have to spend a lot, I'm expecting dc 3 and have done it all on a budget as I sold everything after my big two. Facebook and gumtree are excellent for baby items going cheap.

Trust me, any age, or number of children we all feel clueless, I'm 24 now, have a 5yo son and 3yo daughter, but feel totally lost at how to care for a newborn, but you just do, it comes naturally and you'll be just fine. Xx

gaby274 Thu 11-Oct-12 01:13:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anastaisia Thu 11-Oct-12 03:44:29

I didn't drive when my daughter was a baby and found a sling was much better for getting around on public transport with. Different types suit different people better though, so if it's something you're interested in trying it might be better to see if you have a 'sling meet' or a sling library near you to try out a few without having to buy anything before trying.

stargirl1701 Thu 11-Oct-12 04:46:20

I just had my first 5 weeks ago today grin I would recommend going to local NCT sales. We managed to get everything second hand and saved a fortune. We only bought the car seat new. Some of the stuff we got had never been worn! Charity shops are also good for picking up bargains.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Purplecatti Thu 11-Oct-12 09:13:47

You're not a crap mother.
Age has nothing to do with it, I'm 31 and expecting my first baby and had/have NO clue about babies or what they need at all.
At 36 weeks (39 now) it was the lovely health visitor who wrote me a list of everything essential and gave me the address of a breast feeding cafe and everyone there was friendly and I was donated a suitcase full of grown out stuff from generous helpful mums. If you pluck up the courage to ask it's amazing how helpful people are, just admiring their baby/wrap/pram and asking about it broke the ice wonderfully. The mums at the cafe were only too keen to impart advice and talk about their little bundles of joy. I was older than a lot of the mums there and that did feel a little weird so don't let your age make you feel awkward.

The great thing I've learnt is that babies can't tell new from old and don't care either so I've bought nearly everything second hand off ebay (tight budget for me too). Just to give you an idea, I've spent:
- £20 on a 2nd hand moby wrap
- £30 on clothes (onesies, vests, cardis, booties). I searched ebay for baby clothing bundles and got some really nice things. I wasn't fussy as to the styles as much as the price and I have a good drawer full of stuff.
- £15 on a moses basket with a stand from a 2nd hand baby shop
- £10 on a new mattress for the basket
- £30 on a pram
- about £10 in total on cot bedding
- £5 on a changing mat
- £5 on some rattly teethy toy things although baby won't need them at first.
- and the creams, lotions etc are all being bought at wilkos. I also bought some wool and knitting needles there and have made three little blankets thanks to youtube for under £10.
I did it all in one go but you can buy little bits as you go and it soon mounts up.

I've also bought a load of first sized nappies from sainsburys as they have the biodegradable ones at two packs for £7 but you can get nappy bundles on ebay cheap if you're wanting reusable. They aren't for me as I will be moving house in the next three months and I'm trying to make it as easy for me as possible.

There's no shame in not knowing stuff, there's shame in not caring and you obviously do.

MrsAmaretto Thu 11-Oct-12 09:25:11

Just wanted to say that you are not a crap mother! I had all the same questions & I was 30 when I had my first. So many first time mums have no experience/ contact with babies that we've got no idea about it all.

I went to my local aqua natal class which was a great way to meet other expectant mums, and everyone was really chatty and happy to answer questions. And Internet forums like this are great!

gabsid Thu 11-Oct-12 09:33:24

You are not a crap mother - you are not a mother yet! But you are preparing and informing yourself because it seems you want to do the best for your baby. There is no more you can do just now.

I was not 19, but I didn't know any more than you do. We didn't have parents around and I had never changed a baby's nappy - it is huge learning curve, no matter how old you are! The support of parents would be great though. However, there are lots of baby books to tell you what to do and how it should be done (you can borrow them from the library). There are other parents with babies you will meet in groups etc. I read all the books, talked to lots of people, took it all on board and then realized that we had to find our own way that worked for baby and us.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Thu 11-Oct-12 09:38:47

You are asking questions nearly all first time mums ask....don't worry. As long as you love your baby you will not be a crap mummy!

A lot depends on how much you want to spend tbh. And it's mostly personal preference too.

Nappies-newborn size

Wipes-unfragranced, or cotton wool and water for the first couple of weeks

Clothes-baby will need a vest and a sleep suit. Probably need 2/3 vests a day and probably 2 sleep suits a day. A vest can be short or long sleeved, sleep suit is long sleeved.

If you're using public transport a lot you'll need a smaller stroller type push chair. There's loads suitable for newborns. Go to a local mother care and ask them to show you what they have and how they work. It will just give you an idea of what you're looking for.

Second hand items are fine as long as you check when you have them that they are working properly with no missing bits, they are cleaned thoroughly by yourself, and I wouldn't use a second hand mattress for Moses basket or cot, but anything else is ok second hand IMO. New is nicer obviously but not always possible for everyone.

And from experience my advice would be to start shopping early, even for things like wipes, bibs, bottles, blankets etc as the 'stuff' you'll need and use quickly adds up. You don't have to spend a fortune you can shop savvy and grab bargains as you have the time to do it now.

I'm due my 3rd in 3 weeks and I have nothing bought!!! blush not even nappies or a vest!! Going shopping at the weekend to get it all.

And mums net is a great place for help, support and advice should you ever need it.

Good luck!!

LittleBearPad Thu 11-Oct-12 09:40:55

Hi, I knew nothing about what a baby would need and stood in a baby shop looking completely befuddled for ages before picking up a cellular blanket and gazing blankly at my mum (blanket with holes in - sorry but I read about them for ages before I understood what they were and assume you may be the same)

Sleep suits are great, my DD spent the first 6 weeks of her life in them as they were so convenient. Some people put proper outfits on during the day - I couldn't be bothered but its up to you. Get a good number (10 or so) as you'll wash them a lot and will need to wait for them to dry each time. Equally though my DD was quite a sicky baby - you may be luckier. If you are due in the summer you won't need too many vests (bodysuits) but any earlier and you'll need about the same number as body suits to put underneath. Don't bother too much with newborn clothing as it lasts about a fortnight and you can use 0-3 straightaway with a bit of rolling the sleeves etc up.

My DD is still in her Moses basket at 5 months but its getting tight. If you or your boyfriend are tall then it's unlikely a basket will last that long but they are convenient for moving the baby around the house with you.

A bouncer chair is a good thing to have so you can put them down somewhere and again they are handy for keeping the baby with you as you move round the house.

If you are planning to FF then you'll need a steriliser and bottles etc, most bottle companies do starter packs.

Second hand stuff is absolutely fine. I would get a new mattress and a new carseat (if you decide to get one) but otherwise you can buy second hand stuff.

Finally don't believe the mothercare, John Lewis, mamas and papas lists of 'essentials' they have. They really aren't essentials but a way to make you think you must have a topping and tailing bowl or the world will end...

Lots of luck

zigwig Thu 11-Oct-12 09:43:17

Just wanted to also say you're not a crap mother. No-one learns this stuff until they need to, at least I certainly havent bothered and I'm 36! I've never even held a baby so god knows what I'll be like when it gets here but I'll figure it out.

Also wanted to say if you've got room by your bed they can sleep in a crib instead of a Moses basket for the first few months. They don't grow out of it as fast as a basket. Have a look on eBay if you can. There's a lot of bargains on there. We got our mamas and papas cot for a fiver and it's in perfect condition.

LittleBearPad Thu 11-Oct-12 09:43:17

Ooh and I would echo the suggestions of a sling, much easier than a pushchair on public transport. Stay away from a baby bjorn type though, not good for thir hips and don't last long before the baby is too heavy. See if you can find a sling library o sling meet nearby.

PurplePidjin Thu 11-Oct-12 09:46:20

Babies need love, food and warmth. Everything else is showing off wink

Always buy mattresses and car seats new for safety reasons. Other stuff can be scrimped on.

Make sure friends (and their parents) know you're pregnant - people are indescribably generous to new babies!

Sign up to all the free promotional stuff - Phillips avent send you a free bottle, cow+gate send you a toy cow, Boots parenting club give you a nappy bag when you buy Pampers (£3.74 for the smallest pack yesterday) and loads of discount vouchers.

I'm a youth worker, if you turned up at my club i would be able to point you in the direction of various helpful organisations. First one to try is the Children's Centre in your town, most have a Young Parents support group. You'll get a lot of support from your midwife, too, make sure you tell them all the niggly little worries so they can reassure you. They'll also know of alternate support.

You care about your little bean and want to do the right thing. That's enough to make you a fantastic parent smile

larrygrylls Thu 11-Oct-12 09:56:22

Firstly, how pregnant are you? I would leave buying anything until at least the 20 week scan. Babies only NEED nappies,a couple of baby grows and somewhere to sleep. In addition, a baby bath is useful, as is some nice new born baby cleaner (forget the proper name). Finally, it is nice to have a couple of little brightly coloured "toys" to attach to buggies/car seats and maybe a mobile to go over the Moses basket or crib.

One thing that we never realised is that what is called "newborn" in clothes is quite big for some babies. There are smaller sizes called "small baby" and "premie" below that. We happened to have small babies and were unprepared, so rapidly had to rebuy some clothes for our first.

As for new or second hand, good quality second hand is just as good as new and, although the smell and look of a brand new buggy is lovely (as is the sales pitch) the reality is that it will be covered in vomit and all sorts of other things within a few weeks. I would go for a decent quality buggy which is reversible. I.E the baby can face you when young and then face out when he/she is a bit older. There are some very nice but quite large buggies out there (such as Bugaboo) but, if you ever intend to travel abroad, you will end up needing something small and foldable such as a basic Mclaren as well.

To sum up, it is easy to spend A LOT (and we did). Marketing to new parents is pervasive and you can end up feeling guilty if you do not have a million and one things. The reality is that new borns need very little indeed, so you can buy a few basics and then reconsider once they are born and actually appreciate what they want/need.

KatAndKit Thu 11-Oct-12 10:20:28

second hand is the way to go. also borrowing. we borrowed a crib from friends for the first five month. downstairs we had a handmedown moses basket and now he is in a cot, that is also secondhand. we did buy a new pram but you dont have to, you can get a second hand one. Kiddicare sell a basic from birth buggy for about £50. we got on for going on holiday. if you can spend a bit more, look on ebay or in the free ads in your area, some excellent things come up.

i would buy a new car seat - the cheapest ones are about £30. you will need it if you go in taxis at all or get lifts with friends.

dont bother with fancy baby outfits - they are a big waste of money. go to asda/primark/tesco and buy multipacks of short sleeve poppered vests and sleepsuits. these are fine for day and night. get 10 in newborn and ten in 0-3months. perhaps check car boot sales - baby clothes often go for 50p an item and generally in mint condition as they get outgrown so fast. you will need about three cardigans in each size and a pramsuit for winter. you will need a hat too. if you want a few nice day outfits then supermarkets have a good range.
also car boot for baby playmat and bouncing chair. although argos do a nice bouncer for £15.

i use aldi nappies and they are fine. start with size one but dont stockpile as they go into size 2 very quickly. if you dont have aldi, asda own brand are also great but a little bit more expensive. i buy whatever wipes are on special offer.

breastfeeding is totally free - you save a tenner a week just by not having to pay for milk. if you choose to formula feed instead there is no harm in buying second hand bottles although you may need to replace the teats. a cheap microwave sterilizer is just as effective as an expensive sterilizer.

baby toiletries - supermarket ones are just as good as brand names and you dont need most of it anyway.

sorry for lack of capitals, am typing one handed!

LibrarianAli Thu 11-Oct-12 12:04:22

I love this thread cos I have exactly the same questions (newly updiffed for the 1st time at 37)
See, we're not such a nest of vipers after all.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Thu 11-Oct-12 12:10:46

Not a crap mother in the slightest!

Sleep- moses basket for six.months. Buy second hand if you want but make sure to have a new.mattress. Two bottom sheets. Two sleeping bags (tk maxx sell them cheap).

Feed- offer boob or if FF buy a mivrowave steriliser and four bottles and usually about a tin of milk per week (£9 a tin)

Buggy- id go for one that starts from birth and lasts the whole time they need. I have a Maclaren Techno XLR. £30 carrycot for lying flat in it (from

Clothes- six.vests and six sleepsuits, one hat one cardi one pramsuit if born in winter

Nappies - Asdas own are my favourite. Buy Newborn size for the first three/four weeks then see if they meed the next size up.

My tip for enjoying those first few weeks - as soon as you feel physically capable, go out for a walk everyday. even if just to the corner shop for bread and milk. Makes you feel so much better and baby seems easier outside ( or certianly mine did).

mom2rhysnruby Thu 11-Oct-12 12:26:29

Your not a crap mom at all, i was 20 when i had my son and had no idea of how to wind a baby or even dress one! It comes naturally smile
A sleepsuit is one with sleeves and legs and a body suit is just the torso. My advice on baby clothes... Just buy these for the forst few months, they hardly need outfits and shoes!! Waste of money!

Pram - id say definatley buy a travel system, i revommend graco, there a bit bulky but so nice to push, sterdy & nice on rhe eye.

Nappies - i swear by asda little angels. Buy 'new arrival' sizes r on the pack in numbers they start from 0. My son was tiny so ive packed some tiny baby nappies, size 1 & a few size 2.

I also brought a brand new cot bed with mattress delivered off ebay store, 'online4baby' my son was in his moses basket a day! He loved his cot, plus a cotbed will last u yrs!

If you want a chat or any info inbox me x

mom2rhysnruby Thu 11-Oct-12 12:27:15

Sorry for typos.. Iphone lol

panicnotanymore Thu 11-Oct-12 14:18:51

Brilliant thread - I am making notes. I'm 20 years older than you, and have no clue! We're all in the same boat with DC1.

I'll be getting most things second hand, there's no shame in it, it's just sensible.

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