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Does your body just stop??

(7 Posts)
jenbird Wed 10-Oct-12 13:05:49

Sorry this is a moany thread...
I am 34 weeks with dc4. My other 3 children are 7,4 and 2 and we have 2 large dogs. I work part time running my own business (no external childcare just work around dc's). Last week I had a sore throat which turned into a cold which is showing no signs of let up. The weekend before I took the children away so my dh could decorate our house. It was a hard weekend and I think that is why I became ill. My dh did the decorating but he didn't put anything back together again so our house still looks like a dump. This week he has been out the last two nights and is away tomorrow night again.
I am physically exhausted. I just feel like there is no let up. I would love a rest but there just isn't time. My dh forbid me to do anything last Thursday night so I had an evening off but he didn't actually do any of the jobs I would have done so I spent Friday morning playing catch up. I am so sick of having responsibility for everything. I feel like I am moving at crawling pace and the jobs are just mounting up but noone seems to notice or if they do they pretend not too. Everything is fine with the baby and my BP is fine etc but I just wondered if anyone's body just gave up? Part of me just wishes it would so someone has to take over. Anyone else felt like this?

minipie Wed 10-Oct-12 13:24:54

You are ill, pregnant, working and looking after 3 young DCs. Wow. Sounds like you need to go on strike.

Why is your DH going out at nights and why is he away tomorrow night? He needs to cancel and take over at home. And he needs to actually do the stuff you would be doing so there is no catch up. I don't really like the expression "man up" but that is what he needs to do. Presume he is at work today? Think you should go to bed early and leave him a list of what needs doing.

minipie Wed 10-Oct-12 13:26:46

Should have said, it does sound like your DH's heart is in the right place, he just hasn't got a clue how much needs doing.

jenbird Wed 10-Oct-12 14:01:46

His heart is in the right place he just a: does not want to acknowledge how knackered I am as that means not doing the things he wants to do I.e. squash matches and networking event tomorrow so the onus is On me to ask him not go and b; he is oblivious to lots of things I.e it doesn't matter him if there are piles of things everywhere he just walks past them. I just hate having the same conversations because I get so run down I can't function. It never changes anything so just seems so pointless.

Sorry I am such a whinge bag I just feel so stuck.

Goldrill Wed 10-Oct-12 14:45:51

Crikey - don't apologise! It sounds like you are having a hugely hard time and DH shuld be pulling his finger out. I'm due tomorrow and on the first few days of ML and have just had a very helpful text from lovely DP, telling me to put my feet up. Which is very sweet of him and all very well, but the house is a tip and we will still need something for tea, and clean clothes etc, and he isn't any more likely to do that than usual if I do sit around for the afternoon!

I agree with minipie, "man up" is definitely the phrase, but possibly he needs a shove to do this. Unfortunately, your body doesn't actually just shut down when you need it to: it would be helpful if it did, but it is usually entirely possible to soldier on for an age and feel worse and worse - you do sometimes actively have to draw the line and say stop. At my past few MW appts I have been absolutely amazed that my BP is perfect and there are no problems, when I was really stressed out at work and knackered at home and just wanted someone else to tell me to stop - but no-one did (in my case because no-one would be that brave or stupid!).

Draw the line; you don't have to ask him not to go out (I would resent having to do that), but you do need a clear list of what needs to be done for the household to continue to function, and you maybe need to help him reach his own conclusions about what he should be doing in that direction. My DP is lovely but good at avoiding stuff too and I don't want to make him feel bad by asking/telling him to start pulling his weight - it is always better if he decides to do stuff himself. I tend to say things like, well, once DD is in bed there is only one hour to get all of this lot done because then I will need to be in bed - and I don't think it will all get done in that time, so what should we do....??? And a nice DP will hopefully take the opportunity you have given him to Do The Right Thing at this point.

And then, on your part, perhaps you do have to let your standards slip a bit at this time? Maybe the list of "stuff which has to be done" needs to be edited so there is nothing on it he can dismiss - if it all has a reason and a deadline it's quite hard to argue with.

Hope you get it sorted and get some rest OP - and get well soon too!

minipie Wed 10-Oct-12 15:04:34

Yes I agree with Goldrill's suggestion - make a list of what needs to be done before tomorrow/before the weekend, say you need to be in bed by Xpm as you are ill and exhausted and huge, say that you think you will be able to do items A and B off the list but no more ... and hope he draws his own conclusions about who needs to do the rest!

If not... I think you may have to ask him not to go out, I know it's horrid being the "bad guy" and it also means he's not taking responsibility, but short term the main thing is that you get some rest, so if it means asking him not to go out, that is the lesser of two evils.

Also agree with letting standards slip a bit, if you can.

Best of luck

jenbird Wed 10-Oct-12 16:14:36

Thanks for your advice. It all makes complete sense. Sometimes when you are in the thick of it you just can't see a way through. I will make a list tonight and hopefully we can go through it and then at least I will feel more in control of things.
Thanks again x

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