Questions for doula

[Kopparbergkate]

Hi, I've found a Doula (I think!), from her website, which is really detailed, she seems to have interests/expertise which match the way I hope this birth will go (active birth, home, pool etc etc). There is some other stuff she offers which seem a little "woo" BUT I'm guessing that I can just not go for that if I'm not comfortable with it. She's also free for my EDD.

She's suggested a phone call/Skype to see how we get on before I book her. Thing is, my DH is away at the moment and, given that the idea of having a Doula was to support him as well as me (he's a little less sure of the homebirth idea) I wondered whether I should wait till he's back (beginning of next week) so we can call her together?

Also, what do I ask her? If her website's true, (not seriously suggesting its not!) on screen, she's by far and a way the best fit of all 3 Doulas who cover our area and I can see that already.... so what else do I need to know?

[cbeebiesatemybrain]

I find it a bit strange that you only get to speak to her on the phone before you book her, are you not going to meet her in person? My doula came round for a cup of tea and we discussed what I wanted from the birth and what I wanted her to do to help me achieve that. She told me about other women that she had supported and how their labours went, her philosophy and personal experience etc. I found that we clicked straightaway and I felt really comforted knowing that she would be there at the birth.

[ladymia]

If i was you I would wait until my DH was around and meet her in person.

[DoulaKate]

Hi. I would recommend both you and your husband meet with her, particularly as both of you will need to feel comfortable in her presence. I recommend you ask her everything that you want to. Don't hold back. As a Doula, she will be prepared for all sorts of questions, no matter how probing or basic they may be. One thing you may want to both use as a gauge is: can you imaging this woman making you feel calm, reassured and comfortable in her company. Do you both feel comfortable speaking openly with her. There may be times in labour that you need to treat her like a mother/sister/aunt and tell her exactly what you want without having to be too polite. A good Doula will fall into this role, not take offence and look after both you and your husband through this journey. Giving birth is a key moment in your lives and once you've both met a Doula you feel comfortable sharing that with, you'll know.

[squiggleywiggler]

I would always suggest meeting someone in person - as a doula I wouldn't feel comfortable working with someone until we had all met.

[Kopparbergkate]

Thanks all - I'll definitely ask for a meeting with both of us then :)

[vbacqueen]

I can usually tell by the phone call whether a client and I will be a good fit or not but even when they say they'd definitely like to book me, I always insist on meeting them first, for my benefit as much as theirs. I know lots of people are happy using Skype nowadays but I have to confess to loathing any kind of video calling. I'm probably just old but give me a phone call and a face to face meeting every time! I can see there might be occasions when it would be useful - if a woman was moving to the area from abroad or the other side of the country and was keen to get a doula organised beforehand for instance. But if it's someone in my area I'd prefer to meet them.
Oh and I much prefer to meet a woman's partner too, a birth is too important an occasion to risk all parties not being comfortable with one another.
Good luck!