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Fantastic 40+ Mum to be - part 2

(1000 Posts)
Hpbp Mon 08-Oct-12 07:42:26

Let's keep on chatting !
Awaiting to hear from you all.
Midget, how are you feeling after the sweep ?
Exexe, are you happy with the new kitchen ? Very glad to see you back on here.
Warm welcome to the only Dad we have on the thread, sorry I could not remember your name as I write this.
Have a lovely Monday. Pouring rain in Paris today.

Exexe Fri 12-Oct-12 13:44:55

Thanks VQ.
Mine are 7 and 5. I'm sure they'll be fine and hopefully I can be back home by Friday (if all is well)
Its more that I had a traumatic time with ds2 and was told that both baby and I were actually lucky to be alive by the doctors. This time its obviously a different scenario where the planned c section will be a lot more calmer and they know my history so theres back up stuff going on as well just in case. I was assured that the same complications are very unlikely to occur but I still can't help feeling anxious and emotional about the whole thing.
I'm wondering what madness came over me to try for a 3rd!

(all of you going through this the 1st time, please be assured that what happened to me is n't very common and the nhs are great in emergencies. I don't want to scare anyone smile)

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 14:30:33

exexe the kids will be fine I am sure. They are certainly big enought to express their feelings and be reassured. My first delivery was traumatic, and I had an ELCS for DD2. I found it very healing, as it was so calm and lovely compared. This time will be so very different for you I am sure. Do try to enjoy it if you can. Trust the medics to look after you, and remember you will see your beautiful baby. You and baby will be ok as this is the safest way for you both. Big hugs honey x

knottyhair Fri 12-Oct-12 14:40:49

Just to echo VQ's sentiments Exexe, lots & lots of love and hopefully you'll be home to your family (with your new addition!) nice & quickly. My ELCS isn't until December (hopefully around 17th), so I'm hoping the same, I really don't want to be away from my gorgeous DS (and DP of course!) for Christmas. DS seems all independent and stuff sometimes but he's only 8, very cuddly with me & DP and still really wants us all together for Christmas. Will be thinking of you next week xxx

somewherebecomingrain Fri 12-Oct-12 15:11:28

hi all
hope everything going ok with midget.

fjord breast feeding is totally overated IMHO I did it last time but my DS slept awfully and i dont think they always get enough food to sleep unless you do horrible disciplinary gina ford regimes with them (ie not feeding on demand) whereas formula fills them up better so they sleep better. so i'm going to try to at the very least double track with formula with this one.

the actual benefits of breastfeeding are quite small...

VQ hope you're ok - like you say whatever happens its safe for the baby to come now.


somewherebecomingrain Fri 12-Oct-12 15:12:54

ps hi there scarecrow yes definite shift in my MS and I'm 14 +1. It is coming and going now but i think the end is close so do take inspiration.
i was disappointed that at 12 weeks it was still apalling.


ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 15:17:39

I thought bfing was the best thing ever grin. It is a highly emotive subject, like birth choice. Why do women beat themselves up about it all?

Personally I would rather whip a tit out and shove it in a grizzly gob than put up with 10 mins screaming baby while bottle warms. Plus it is free, and I am tight, plus you do not have to wash up and sterilise, plus I have awesome milk boobs grin.

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 15:20:25

And my girls slept through from 6 and 7 weeks, and I am no Gina Ford. I am shit at pushing out babies, but clearly have gold top milk grin

somewherebecomingrain Fri 12-Oct-12 15:23:24

oh VQ there's that theory shot to pieces! grin

somewherebecomingrain Fri 12-Oct-12 15:24:17

except... that girls do sleep better anyway....
by the way HOW did you get your girls to sleep through? i need to know!

knickyknocks Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:56

Errrr sorry to say...girls do not sleep better (well my one didn't......) Took up to a year to sleep through. I'm hoping that the rumour is true that you get a bad sleeper, then a good sleeper [covers her ears as she doesn't want to hear any different...] grin

I bottle fed last time but only because the first few days were spent in the special care unit. I'd like to give breast feeding a go, but this time I feel differently about it. I'm NOT going to give myself a guilt trip for not doing it (I did this last time, felt dreadful about it all).

scarecrow thanks for the sage advice about SPD - I've already got an appointment with the physio next week. The twinges are only mild to moderate at this stage, but I've heard catching it at an early stage is far better than leaving it to fester.

exexe seems to be that the ladies I've known who've had a CSection seem to leave hospital very quickly. Staying at the most a couple of nights. I really hope that this happens for you too.

I'm OK, can feel baby moving quite a lot now which is lovely. Makes me feel very maternal. As soon as the 20 week scan is out the way in a couple of weeks, I'm going to broach the subject of the new baby with DD. Then I'll be able to say if she's going to have a baby brother or sister.

Busy weekend ahead, 3rd birthday party tomorrow and hubby working all weekend so I'm single parenting. I guess at least it means I get to the bed to myself (which admittedly I love!) xx

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 16:03:17

No idea. I demand feed, but wake them regularly through the day to feed them. At least every 3 hours initially. I am not having the little rascals sleep all day and feed all night. I have big babies, which possibly helps. I also put them in their own room fairly early (bad mother) so do not stir at every snuffle. They need to be properly awake for me to get up and offer boob.

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 16:04:08

I also swear by a 11pm dream feed. (I may have read Gina Ford at some point. Possibly. )

knottyhair Fri 12-Oct-12 16:30:50

VQ, sounds like you really enjoyed BF! Wish I had. Totally agree about the convenience & cost issues. But I will FF if it feels better for my mental health! I did a "version" of GF with DS and it worked a treat - depends on your personality and lifestyle I guess, I'm definitely someone who likes a routine! But I'm open minded, and I'm aware from friends and other family members that not every baby is the same! So I'll probably attempt a GF type routine and just see what happens.

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 16:52:16

I think a lot of it was because of my first birth being traumatic and feeling such a failure. I was going to succeed at breast feeding even if it killed me. That is how I felt at the time. I remember DH and the midwife suggesting I give a bottle, and me screaming back at them. I am probably not selling this very well am I grin. Anyway, I was not a 'natural' but once me and DD were left alone, we found our way, and I loved the bonding and closeness. Neither of my girls have had a perfect latch, but we got by. With my first I got so frustrated as every MW had a different idea about what to do, so with the second I refused all input and just learned with my new baby.

For me, there is nothing else more natural in the world, and I view every drop as magic. If my next baby could not feed from the breast I would spend all day every day expressing if that was what was needed. I also see the dreadful time some mums go through with it, like i did, but do not continue and feel very sad and guilty, and wish there was better support out there. And consistently so.

It is also a mothers choice. I am choosing to have a section again, and there are good clinical reasons for this. Many mums in my situation would try for a VBAC, but that is not for me. The same applies to feeding choice.

bytheseaside Fri 12-Oct-12 18:04:56

exexe please don't worry! planning is everything, and your cs is so well planned, its bound to be so much different for you this time. Just wanted to tell you I clearly remember the night my mum was in hospital having my brother and sister when i was 7 - I don't remember anxiety or missing my mum, although I think she must have been away for a few days and I must have missed her, but I remember being incredibly excited about the new babies and being their big sister. mum wrote me a letter that night about the new babies, and I still remember what she wrote to me.

Ah VQ I think I feel like you do abut bf - the first two weeks of pumping milk in nicu to get poured into her feeding tube were fairly dismal and didn't feel very 'instinctive' or 'natural', so perhaps that's why it's now such a joy- something natural after all the medical cr*p. And as you say, great bazookas!!, and I really couldn't be doing with all that bottle washing and sterilising - that's the part of expressing I am truly hopeless at - just unable to get organised so always running out. What's rubbish is the guilt women feel about their feeding choices, especially as there often isn't a choice, you just have to get your baby fed! hormones + guilt is a terrible combination, and makes you cry all day. I'd been given lots of stuff to read about how significant breast milk is for prem babies, and on the few days I didn't have enough and had to supplement with formula I felt beyond dreadful - so I agree knotty mental health has to be a priority

Hi everyone else - I'm reading your news in early-hours bf time!

Exexe Fri 12-Oct-12 18:13:28

Thank you everyone for the reassuring words. It means a lot smile

somewherebecomingrain Fri 12-Oct-12 19:38:34

Exexe good luck. Are u having elcs? I understand the trauma not had it but people close to me have.
Vq I wouldn't get up for a snuffle it was the screaming at two hourly intervals that used to wake me up. My ds was actually quite a skinny baby that's prob it. I might read gina ford actually ffs if it's gonna get the bugger to sleep better! Thing is I did attempt structure but it just didnt work - I think it depends on the baby. Maybe i did it wrong dunno. my dp insisted in attachment style - instantly meeting every need.
Knicky I hear you! Please god a good sleeper!
I got such movements today at 14 weeks and I look six months I swear. I can feel excess weight gain happening - so far its inly a quarter of a stone but its really picking up - and really need to stop. Sorry for ramble on phone xxx

Hpbp Fri 12-Oct-12 20:25:57

Exexe, every thing has been said about CS and planning, I am sure you are well looked after and will be for birth too. Try not to worry and enjoy these lat days beore baby arrives. Your daughters will be thrilled to see you back home with baby.

BF, ah, so many books I have read. I love the closeness, the eyes of my babies when they look at me while feeding, their expression when they are done, as if they are drunk, I love every minute of it except when my boobs are tender and I can't sleep on the side or on my stomach. Financially speaking, it is no doubt the cheapest solution. And when travelling or going out for a few hours, no need to think about water, formula, quantity, warming, sterilisation... Freedom ! To a certain extent. I do not regret the combined feeding for DS1 though, I was not as mature and confident as I am today, and BF during the day and FF at night worked really well, he is now 12 days from turning 4, strong, adorable, energetic. The bond we create with our children does not depend on BF or FF.

DS1 was, still is, a bad sleeper. At 8 weeks he slept through the night but at 9 weeks he started waking up again, he still does !!! Maybe it was hunger then. Now he needs reassurance because of his baby sister ! Who knows ? Anastasia on the contrary is a good sleeper so far. Touch wood. She has skipped the 10pm feed and slept from 7pm to 2/3am to wake up again at 6/7 am. The last 3 nights she has done 7-7, at 10 weeks. And for the 3rd time, I woke up with massive leaking tender and painful breast ! I was told that when they reach 5.5 kg, babies' stomach is big enough to store enough reserves to sleep through. As far as Anastasia is concerned, she weighed 5.2kg when she was 8 weeks.
As VQ, I feed on demand, every 3 hours or 4 now but the first 6/7 weeks, it was sometimes every 1 and 1/2 hours. I had to fit her in a routine to be able to manage school runs. I followed GF a little bit but I think Tracy Hogg, the baby whisperer, is more my parenting style. Or as Knicky said, a good sleeper follows a bad one. Or girls sleep better than boys. Whichever way, as long as you truly trust a method, your baby will adapt, it has more resilience than us sometimes. And it is a sponge, so if you are secure it will feel secure.

I guess what I am trying to say is trust your instincts, keep your ears open to advice, try the ones you like, forget those that are not right for you and listen to your heart and your baby, you will find a way. If we feel as confident as VQ our babies will sleep through early.

VQ I love the "gold top milk" - as usual, you make me smile, laugh or cry smile

On my side, I am very happy to announce that I am back to my pre pg weight ! But the tummy needs a bit of a work out though... Back in my old jeans, yeah !
I won't be working on my abs yet as the pelvic floor is still weak. But MW said she is impressed how I have taken control over my body and perineum this time. Yeah ! The truth is I have not done much, nothing new nor different between the 2 pg, only age and experience I reckon.

On this cheerful note about age and its advantages, Ladies, good night !

ValiumQueen Fri 12-Oct-12 20:56:02


Midgetm Sat 13-Oct-12 08:15:04

Baby still not been swept out of me.... Send vacating thoughts please lovely ladies grin will catch up later as long as bit in labour x

ValiumQueen Sat 13-Oct-12 08:57:44

It is so frustrating midget hope when it happens it is nice and quick x

Hpbp Sat 13-Oct-12 14:21:23

Baby Midget, come and meet your other baby friends, there are lots in October already waiting for you. Fingers crossed for you Midget. Xxxx

GemmaCatherine Sat 13-Oct-12 23:12:13

Just stumbled across this thread and as I'm a single 41 year old who is 17 weeks pregnant, it seemed the right place for me to me.

Hello all.

Gemma x

Oldandcobwebby Sat 13-Oct-12 23:21:29

As the only dad on this thread, I thought I should post an update. DW (44 and gorgeous!) is going into hospital on Wednesday afternoon. The plan is that they will try induction by pessary, and if nothing happens in 24 hours, then CS. They are keen for her not to go past term, due to her ancient and rusty undercarriage. So this is our last weekend as a couple and by this time on Thursday I will be holding the daughter I have longed for over literally decades.Yikes!

I can't pretend not to be quaking slightly at the enormity of what is going to happen, but I feel so overwhelmingly happy that you could punch me in the face and I'd still be grinning.

DW is starting to feel the strain badly now, and is exhausted. She's also terrified. Who can blame her? But, as we know, these things too shall pass....

Watch this space!

crazyforbaby Sun 14-Oct-12 00:44:09

Hi Oldandcob!
Congrats on your imminent arrival. It is lovely to hear such enthusiasm!
Just don't let any of those silly hospital staff (me being one of them!) make any comments about her age. I am the same age as your wife and as my DH says I am still a spring chicken...I probably won't reach my prime for oooh, another 10 years (anyone would think I had coached him to say thatwink). Baby no. 6 is due in early Jan for us- hurrah!
Enjoy the journey. Your wife is a lucky woman!

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