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Getting my hubby to understand how I'm feeling(9 Posts)
That's it really..... Just wondered if anyone has any recommendations for something I could get my DH to read or watch which might help him understand how crap being pregnant is!
I'm 35 weeks with no 3, dd2 is 13months & I've just got that 'can't cope any more, get it out feeling' so fed up, mega tired, my belly hurts, my hips hurt, my ribs hurt, It's not magical any more when she moves.... I just feel sick, I'm lumpy fat and swollen & it's just generally rubbish.
My DH is quite good usually but after my last pregnancy which was plain sailing, thinks I'm overreacting & being a drama queen & it's driving me mad, I cried earlier as I've been I'll with a tummy bug all wkend & he told me I was a massive wimp & should get counselling (grrr)
What can I do to make him understand A)how shit I feel, B) I'm not the only one & C) how I can make it through the next 5 weeks
Sorry for the whinge!!!
Tie a breeze block to his tummy.
Poke him awake about every half an hour to pee.
Kick him in the ribs.
Can you get HRT to replicate pg hormones?
Or explain that you get off murdering a DP or DH if pg.
Get him a pg belly!
he he good luck with this one!
I'm still waiting for one of my "ooh my feet/back/legs hurt" comments to NOT be met with him saying "oh my feet/back/legs really hurt too!"
They'll never get it. Tbf I didn't get it either before I got pregnant...
I'm in the same boat as you OP! Possible a few days behind you I'm 35 weeks on Wed. My DS is 15 months and currently screaming because he is clearly bored of being the good sleeper.
I don't think my DP will ever understand I think that just frustrates me even more. The amount of stress the 3 of them give me at the moment I feel a broken woman complete with the dodgy hips.
I can only offer sympathy I'm afraid.
I guess I'm just fighting a loosing battle, sigh.... I can't be tired cos he gets up at 5.30, me 6.30.... Can't have back ache cos he has a manual job so lifts stuff all day..... Can't have sore hips cos my bump isn't as big as last time..... Argh!!!! He's driving me mad, I'd just like a little bit if sympathy for 10mins, I've been pregnant for nearly 2 years now, so you'd think he would of learned by now!!!'
Nobody gets it until they go through the last 6 weeks or so of pregnancy. I once made dh tie a 10kg sack of potatoes on his front and wear it for the whole day. Boy did he complain about back ache, inability to bend down etc. it worked though, he now is very considerate when I moan.
suggestion1 The only thing I can think of is to get him to read an in depth medical description of everything that is going on in your body right now at this stage - Something that will describe every single medical change. When I read the week by week descriptions in 'what to expect when you're expecting' my partner gets all faint and funny. When I get tired/crabby/sick he says - well that's because this week your body is producing etc... So he can put reason to it. Otherwise all a man might see is you just getting a slightly bigger belly every week - and not the intricacies that are going on inside.
suggestion2 If it was me - I like to write letters to explain my feelings in a very sensible logical non judgmental way. Men hate 'moaning' so a letter can seem less naggy.
suggestion3 Also his attitude (if you have been pregnant for nearly 2 years) might be down to a bit of jealousy. Basically - he might want the sympathy and attention you have had for so long. or to be the 'special one'. I love the advice "Kill them with kindness". Even though it might be the last thing you want to do - cook him a special dinner or surprise him with something nice and he will hopefully reciprocate by being more caring towards you!
suggestion4 If he doesn't kick him in the nuts!
I feel you OP... my 'D'H dared to stand infront of the bedroom mirror just before bed last night, pinch the tiny amount of flesh he has around his waste and complain of 'getting fat' and say that he needed to spend MORE time in the gym...
i'm 38+5wk.... bet you can guess how that conversation ended....
IMO when both parties are suffering from a lack of communication suffering can turn into a bit of a competition. Or a comment made by one is taken as an accusation that everything is one-sided. This is certainly the case in my relationship.
When OH and I start to get in to this cycle I know its because we're both feeling sorry for ourselves (rightly so at times!) , not really listening to each other and not being sympathetic or understanding.
I had a very hard pg with DC2 and got really wrapped up in how uncomfortable I was. So that when he complained he was tired I would react by thinking/saying 'oh you're tired!', as if me being pregnant made him any less tired after a full days work! He felt really under appreciated and undervalued and so totally ran out of sympathy for me (and vice versa). I don't know if this is how your OH feels but I agree with dueinfeb that the best place start is with yourself.
It massively helped us last time and now I'm pregnant with dc3 we are determined to treat each other a little better so we can avoid the situation we (and lots of other people it seems) got into.
Sorry for long post. Good luck.
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