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I really really don't want to breastfeed.(83 Posts)
I am 38 weeks with DC1 and really dont want to breastfeed. I understand the many benefits of doing so and feelvery guilty about feeling this way. But I find the idea of doing it very distateful. I know its natural etc etc and I dont find it wierd when other women do it, but its the thought of doing it myself I find repulsive if im quite honest. I am also worried about the demanding side of it, it seems to be almost constant in the first weeks and it just seems overwhelming not to mention the pain side of things.
Deep down I know that formula feeding is what will suit me and my mental wellbeing. However I do of course feel very guilty about feeling this way and I darent talk to anyone in RL about it- all the midwives are very forceful about breasttfeeding and all the girls from my antenatal are intending to breastfeed.
Does anyone else feel this way or am I the only bad mother to be around?!
Don't feel guilty. Do what is right for you and your family.
But, just a thought. You could try putting your baby to the breast when it is born. If you hate it, you do it for 20 seconds and never ever again. But some things we find yucky or odd or worrying about parenting in the abstract are actually fine in practice.
Before I had DS I secretly hoped he wouldn't be able to bf as I found the whole thing made me slightly queasy. However I wanted to try as there is quite a history of asthma on DH's side of the family. DS took to it like a duck to water and I actually found it easy and quite wonderful really.
You shouldn't make your mind up until after you've had the baby.
Turned out DS had a slightly immature bowel and couldn't even absorb breastmilk very well - it would have been much worse if he had been on formula.
Having said that, if you stick to your BF decision (choco and loves both make interesting points) practice using your steriliser pre-birth. They can be fiddly feckers and trying to get to grips when sleep deprived with a starving new-born will bring you to your knees
No-one else gives a rat's arse about how you feed your baby. It is entirely your choice, and the midwives in the hospital will be supportive of you and your baby regardless of this - it is but one thing in the life of a baby (an important thing, but as long as baby is getting fed it will be fine).
It might be worth at least trying to speak to your midwife if you have another appointment booked before you have the baby, I am sure she will allay your fears.
Disclaimer: I bf'd, struggled quite a bit at first and my small, early baby (36wks) lost and initially struggled to regain her birthweight, but I was determined that I would bf. I am still bf'ing at 11mo my now average-weight baby, but I was lucky enough to find a really good bf consultant locally who helped with latch and positioning so that we overcame my initial problems. This was key to not resenting myself or the baby.
You have no need to feel guilty, if you don't want to do it you are perfectly within your rights not to. It is your body and your choice
I breastfed mine and I don't judge anyone at all who chooses not to, it's completely up to them IMO
Do what you want to do - no one can force you.
Your reasons are really really weird though, maybe you should (after all the birth and stuff is over) examine why you feel this way because it's not normal.
FWIW I didn't get pain when I breast-fed.
Don't feel bad, do what feels right.
I always secretly thought bf was a bit icky. However, I heard it was best for baby, blah blah, so I went along to classes and a bf cafe but DS and I still didn't get the hang of it. We compromised, I bought a double electric breast pump and I expressed milk for 6 weeks then moved him on to ff. Worked for us and I feel no guilt.
Go with what feels right for you.
ooh I'm so glad you started this thread, I feel exactly the same way, this whole pregnancy lark is weird enough, I felt the baby move last night and it made me think of alien! It doesn't feel natural to me to have something alive inside me and I hate the idea of anything tugging on my nipples!
Having said that I already love my daughter to bits, can't wait to meet her and know I'll do my absolute best to be a fab Mom.
I disagree Fanjo.
I don't think her reasons are weird.
I also think it's perfectly normal.
I wouldn't want to either (for similar reasons). Don't feel guilty or as though you have to justify your decision - your body, your choice
Do what you want OP. Anyway you might feel differently once bub is here.
No, definitely not a bad mum. I thought I'd really find breastfeeding awful. I was not sure about how I'd feel about the whole thing. To be honest, I loved it for most part and was glad I did it - she took to it well and luckily I found it quite easy. The sensation of baby on the breast is very different to anything else (human body so clever!). I remember just loving it for feeling close to my baby. The great thing as well was that it used to put her to sleep, she was so comforted. That alone was great as I remember being able to have some dinner guests and just nip upstairs quickly when she was crying - no messing around in the kitchen. I do urge you to keep an open mind, and try to relax and enjoy your last few weeks. I spent loads of time worrying about the same thing, you'll know exactly what is right for you when the time comes. Don't worry too much about what other people are doing either - it easy to feel the pressure of that when you're a new mum. No babies are alike either so what one person does for their baby doesn't mean it would work for yours. Just remember: you're the mum, and you know best!
I felt the same as you OP, the whole business felt icky. This feeling didn't change when my baby was born, still felt weird and icky. So ff as planned and very happy. Midwives were fine, other mums fine, our GP however....
you're not a bad mother for not wanting to BF. I BF mine for over a year and have never felt morally superior , ignore those women who look down on anyone who doesn't BF or wants to involve their partner in the feeds. I saw a woman bottle feeding her baby with such love the other day it was wonderful!
Just tell your MW/put it on your birthplan.
FWIW, I had the attitude that I'd give it a shot and if it was at all as difficult and icky as I imagined (have some issues about breasts) I'd stop and we'd ff. The bf advocates say this is the wrong attitude, but you never know unless you try. If when the moment comes you can't do it, they will get you a bottle (or you can get a premade one out of your delivery bag) and its really not a problem. Given the mess I was in post-birth, even if bf had been as hideous as I'd imagined it would have barely registered in the unpleasant stakes.
I breastfed, I certainly don't think any more or less about anybody else for how they choose to feed their babies.
I didnt want to Bf, my 1st son, and i wont bf this time either,
I knew it just wasnt for me!
I could never see me bf infront of my mum, brother, dad, FiL, MiL friends or in public.
So i knew i would be miserable if i even tried,, and no baby is going to thrive with a miserable mum!
You do what makes YOU comfy, happy & relaxed,
From this you will have a happy relaxed baby!
Good luck xx
Free choice, but.....
Can I just say that once the baby is born, you may feel differently. If it is placed on your naked stomach, the baby's instinct is to look for milk and you may be amazed how natural letting it latch on is.
Of course, this may not work - not all babies can or will do this, but you never know, it might be nice to try.
Also, forget this pain business. There is no reason why you should expect pain.
But, yes, agree with you that it can be demanding, but a chance to sit down with you baby while it feeds can also be relaxing for you.
I didn't want to do it, it made me feel like my soul was being sucked out!
I have great admiration for those who do, but it just wasn't for me. With DC1 I was made to feel a failure but I just lied to the HV
With DC2 I stood my ground and the nurses even took her off for a ff feed so I could have a rest!
You are perfectly normal, we are all different. Good luck with the baby!
I felt similarly with DS1, gave it a whirl didn't work for us thought no more of it. Currently PG with DS2 cant say I'm even that concerned about giving it a go.
Ironically though I've never felt an ounce of guilt about it. Maybe that makes me a bad mum for not being bothered?!
Yes Chocci - I felt exactly like you, slightly grossed out by the idea - then absolutely loved breastfeeding and carried on till DD was 2.3!! And now I'm pregnant again I can't imagine feeding DC2, it seems like such a weird thing to do!
I do, however, think it's so sad that any of us feel that way about the idea of breastfeeding and I'm sure it's to do with the fact that we so rarely see it (certainly where I live in the North West) and also the fact that breasts=sex in modern society . .
I also disagree fanjo - OP's reasons are not weird... proven by the fact that many people have said they feel the same. Unless we're all weirdos?!
I feel similarly to you OP but have decided that I'll give it a go. Luckily I'm not under pressure from anyone and actually no- one go my family ever breastfed. That's my mum, sister and sister-in-law, with 8 children between them - none of whom have had ANY health problems whatsoever. So I'm sure I will feel perfectly fine switching to ff whenever I feel I need to.
Oh and good point enjoygold - we were given a steriliser so need to look up the instructions for how to use it!!!
I bf unhappily for a week with DS and two with DD. I happily ff them from then on. If Hell should freeze over and I had a third, I'd go straight to ff. There are many ways to nurture your baby. How you feed them is just one.
My son didnt latch on when placed on my stomach, he didnt even attempt to, the nurse asked if i wanted to bf or bottle, i said bottle was not made to feel bad,
You will still love sitting and feeding your baby, with a bottle its not like bottle fed babies are left in the corner with a bottle to fend for themselves, and the bonus is Dad can help with the night feeds,
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