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MW not that attentive 2nd time around...possibly me just being hormonal

(25 Posts)
shittingit Tue 02-Oct-12 19:04:49

DISCLAIMER: I might just be a 39 week pregnant woman ready for baby to come therefore not v rational.

Had MW appt this morning, the whole appt took less than 10 mins. She checked my pee, did bp, listened to baby's hb for about 20 secs, didntreally palpate to see if head was engaged. I asked some question regarding delivery suite and pain relief/birth plan and her response was "oh, I'm sure they'll take on board you're wishes, you'll be fine".

Every me I have seen during this pregnancy has been- not dismissive exactly but kind of fobbing me off or just not that bothered to go that little bit extra to reassure.

No bounty packs (i know, i know they are shite and fu ll of bumpf that you don't want or need)

I am probably not articulating this v well, but just feel a bit 'just get on with it, you've done this before' vibe off them.


ThreeWheelsGood Tue 02-Oct-12 19:33:53

I find my experience varies appointment by appointment, you're not being hormonal, it seems to be just how it is. I'm relying on the fact that they're experts at helping us give birth, and these appointments are just routine, everyday stuff for them!

Biggem Tue 02-Oct-12 19:40:42

I feel the same this time round.
They even kept getting my name wrong!!
Err hello!!!
Plus, my first was a section and this time is looking like it will be vbac so I was kinda hoping for more advice and a bit of a refresher on how the hell I deal with labour and when to all hospital blah blah.

chezziejo Tue 02-Oct-12 20:21:36

I'm 33 weeks and I've for same midwife as I had with ds and I love her, she is fantastic. Perhaps I'm just lucky but even when I have seen a different one they have been good and thorough.

shittingit Tue 02-Oct-12 20:45:55

Due to prev pre-e I have had to see them every week from 22ish weeks onwards- different MW each time, none of the ones that have seen me remember me the next time they see me. So far in this pregnancy I've not had any of them ask if I was ok doing a birth plan or even mention the birth plan, pain relief options available ( moved to new area so new hospital). No one mentioned antenatal classes. I have to
remind them each time that im under colsultant led care and last week had to get them to check if I should still be taking meds prescribed at last hospital appt. The MW I saw wasn't even aware I was on any meds despite it being written in my notes.

I don't expect special attention, just, just any kind of interest would be a start.

SecretCermonials Tue 02-Oct-12 20:58:33

Reaching mine is like attempting to reach santa in july... Rather impossible. Rationally I know she must be busy but all in all the service is completely pants. She is attentive but not knowledgeable on the one occassion ive seen her (am 26+4) but tbh Whether the role of the MW has changed since DS (2009) or whether its because im a second timer, i dont like her or trust her like i did my last MW

shittingit Tue 02-Oct-12 21:28:06

secret I know what you mean about trust, because they can be so dismissive I have probs trusting them or believing they know what they are talking about in relation to me.

SecretCermonials Tue 02-Oct-12 22:13:32

I just get the feeling she needs me out of the way, and thinks im on the take! Im having heavily consultant led care and I feel like saying to her yeah thats for a reason!! For example i phoned her regarding testing my iron levels as was severely aneamic last time, and she just dissmissed me... Grr! So i just bypassed her and spoke to my lovely GP! Same with the whooping cough vaccination! It may just be her manner - very relaxed and what not but to me it just seems very lax! Glad but also sad im not the only one!

shittingit Tue 02-Oct-12 22:31:59

Could you change to a different MW? I have found that mine rarely know what the consultant or hospital have requested unless I inform them. My iron levels were also v low during this pregnancy, I went straight to my GP and bypassed them completely also. I am too late for the whooping cough vaccine but had to have the flu jab and when I asked them if there were any side affects I was told to ask the Nurse or HCA before I have the injection.

Rowanhart Tue 02-Oct-12 22:40:59

I've had a different midwife every appointment. Really frustrating as have a rare condition which I have to explain each time. Grrrr.....

SecretCermonials Tue 02-Oct-12 22:41:27

I could i think, but as far as i know I will only see her 4 times max, so (as bad as this sounds) im just going over an around her! To give an example she didnt even explain my nuchal results to me!! Had to ask another midwife who i was lucky enough to see! I am due to see her next week so may see if i can book to see the other midwife after that! Its just shocking really isnt it? DP says they are just stretched but mine almost seems a bit jaded / fed up! My hospital on the other hand have been brill, even though i had to make a complaint, i an still say they were great as it was resolved in under 24 hours! So id say it has got to be a bit staff not just being busy

SecretCermonials Tue 02-Oct-12 22:46:00

rowan i can imagine! I have to remind mine of mine but luckily (hmm)its a combination of widely known issues.
I dont know about you but I didnt have this last time and saw my MW (the same MW!) about three times as often! Makes me a bit hmm about who will be visiting after birth?!

Badgerina Tue 02-Oct-12 23:53:51

Wow that does sound a bit rubbish sad

I have to say the midwife at the clinic that I was at the beginning of my pregnancy was a bit like that too (also my 2nd pregnancy) On the one hand I was quite pleased to actually see the same MW for each appointment (saw a different one each time last time), but on the other, I was looking for a bit... "more" from her.

I switched to caseload care half way through because I wanted to book a home birth and have met some lovely MWs. Having said that, there have also been one or two on the team that I've not warmed to. It's sad but I think a lot if it comes down to personality.

Badgerina Wed 03-Oct-12 00:00:43

Forgot to add: my friend is also pregnant (her first baby) in a different area from me and has truly TERRIBLE antenatal care. She's seen a different MW each time, most of whom have been agency. The first MW she saw took phone calls all the way through her booking appointment and didn't hang up when my friend started crying about her previous (late) miscarriage. She's 31 weeks and has had her urine checked only twice shock, her booking bloods were lost for weeks and then came back as rhesus neg. with NO explanation as to what the implications are. She's not had her 28 week bloods done shock in fact, the only reason she is aware of that is because she knows I had mine done. She's had to ASK to have hers done angry

I feel really bad for her. She's a nervous first timer and has had to be bolshy.

DigestivesWithPhiladelphia Wed 03-Oct-12 08:35:37

I'm 23 weeks pregnant - my third pregnancy - but my first with twins. I haven't actually met my midwife yet! (I saw a student midwife at 6 wks for booking in & have had one consultant apt. since then). When I phoned my midwife to book in for the 25 wk apt, she asked "So, why do you want to see me then?" and sounded irritated that I was bothering her! I said "Well, I haven't actually met you yet and you are also supposed to be checking my blood pressure etc.". I had lovely midwifes in my other pregnancies and as I am especially anxious this time, a bit of reassurance from the midwife would have been nice. It doesn't sound like I'm going to get it though!

I've also got lots of questions about breastfeeding two, after the birth etc. and I certainly don't have time for those at the consultant apts. It's been put on my notes that the midwife will see me every fortnight from 28 wks so there's not much she can do about that.

Beanbagz Wed 03-Oct-12 08:47:28

It's not just you being hormonal, I had exactly the same with my 2nd baby. Months between appointments despite me being RH- so needing extra blood tests.

I have to warn you it down't get any better after the birth. i had one phone call from my HV - not even a visit. The only time i saw her was when i bumped into at the surgery when i took DS for his jabs. I think if i'd seen her i would probably have burst into tears as i wasn't coping very well.

Anyway my advice would be ask for help if you need it after the birth. I think it's easy for people to think you can cope second time around and it's not always the case.

Good luck!

Flobbadobs Wed 03-Oct-12 13:45:23

I think that MW's do expect you to get on with it after your first. When I was pg with my 3rd I had 'experienced mum' written on the front of my notes and was effectivly bumped out of the room after 5 minutes each time. i'm RH Neg and had an amnio as well and still got very little info unless I pushed for it. The Nt scan results were never explained to me, I got my info from the board on MN.. When it came to me needing to book a hb, I had to interrupt her as she was shepherding me from the room! She huffed a bit and booked me in for a home visit with a different MW. From then on things were great right up to and through the birth.

shittingit Wed 03-Oct-12 14:33:13

I have taken most of my info from MN or generally the internet. I am also RH- but despite me telling them I still had to remind them 3 times in the run up to the injection date for them to book me into the hospital. When I asked about Group B Strep I was told to ask a MW at the hospital at next consultant appt.

The area I live in is v.v.v. busy, the team of MW's that I see also see a huge number of women in a (getting busier by the day) inner city area, so I guess I do understand why they may be a bit lax when it comes to me. However I can't help but compare to my last CMW - I was in a small town and she was lovely, booking appointment at home, came and checked me out a few times at home when I was freaking out. Came to see me in hospital after baby was born and also made a visit at home, despite me having moved house and therefore not in her catchment area. I guess she spoiled me!. But she really, really was lovely, and just the sort of professional you want looking after you in pregnancy.

I am also scared that I will get ignored at hospital whilst in labour. Eeek.

SecretCermonials Wed 03-Oct-12 14:55:10

shitting i had a similar experience with DS, my Mw was fab attentive and just lovely! I hope things improve i must admit im not expecting much "aftercare" if its the current MWs responsibility!!

CailinDana Wed 03-Oct-12 15:11:25

I think it's probably a combination of overworked and not very nice MWs. I'm pg with my second and my MW is actually a lot more attentive than I expected, perhaps because I wasn't given much care with my first. She is just a really really nice person and I don't think her area is ridiculously busy so she actually has time to relax and chat during appointments. I know I'm lucky to have that, but last time DS was getting antsy and playing up, and I actually had to end the appointment myself because I knew he couldn't take much more!

CailinDana Wed 03-Oct-12 15:13:07

I do think it's a shame that MWs lose out on having the personal relationship with their women because they have so much to do. It must make their work so unsatisfying when it seems like they're just seeing people on a conveyor belt and they don't see the same person twice in a row.

BooBumpDaddyandMe Wed 03-Oct-12 22:09:09

Such a shame to know some are getting a duff service :-( I'm def one of the lucky ones as my mw has been the same for both my babies (currently 34wks with 2nd). This time round has been different with fewer appointments but I've still felt I've received the same level of interest & input as I did with No1 ds. The only time I've felt put out is when I saw a different mw due to mine being on holiday & I felt really out of sorts having to talk to someone who didn't know me (hormones!!).
However I wasn't impressed with my health visitor first time around & know it will be the same one this time. I really didn't want to be judged/sneered at/condescended to at at time when my brain wasn't firing on all cylinders. She's still the same 18 months on & speaks to me like I'm an inconvenience so it wasn't my hormonal imagination back then?!

shittingit Wed 03-Oct-12 22:23:20

boo I saw my HV twice with DC1, before she discharged me or whatever the correct word was, after that I only saw them when I took DC1 to be weighed. I knew some mums that would be in tears after seeing HV, constantly told baby too thin/too big/weaned to early/weaned too late...luckily I didn't have it as bad, they basically ignored me and if I had any issues with my child I would take her to the GP.

JennerOSity Wed 03-Oct-12 23:13:13

If you are worried you will be ignored in hospital can you consider homebirth or is that a no-no with the RH-?

Only ask as I was pleasantly surprised to discover you get 2 midwives all to yourself with a homebirth as opposed to one popping in now and again in the hospital.

shittingit Thu 04-Oct-12 00:54:01

I am classed as high risk due to previous complications, they won't let me use the MLU so I doubt a homebirth will be agreed to. I have heard of some lovely homebirths though.

I think I am just getting worried and anxious as D day gets closer, as the hospital is very busy and just assuming that I may be left as I will have DH and can speak English (Hospital has a lot of ladies delivering for whom English is not a first language- therefore require more support - just anecdotal stuff I have heard from family members and friends that have given birth there). Oh and too late to change hospitals too.

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