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Pregnant and Scared!!!!!!!

(13 Posts)
Alines Mon 01-Oct-12 12:17:30

I'd really like some help if anyone can offer any. I'm 27 I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my first. Since I knew I've just felt totally freaked out. It was planned, but happened very quickly. Since I found out I've just felt scared and worried - I can't seem to summon any excitement or happiness about what's ahead. Everything's going to change and I'm terrified I won't be able to cope.

This makes me feel terrible, as I know there are so many people who would kill to be in my position, and I know I should be more grateful.

Did anyone else feel like this when they got pregnant? And is there anything I can do to help with these negative feelings and stop being so damn freaked out?

Pippin23 Mon 01-Oct-12 13:10:03

Welcome to the "oh jesus WTF am I doing?" club!

I felt exactly the same when I got pregnant - it happened very quickly for me too and I was fairly ambivalent about the whole thing anyway. I didn't feel ready at all, and I remember wishing it had taken months to get pregnant because I thought I might feel more excited then.

Do you have any specific fears, eg financial worries, or is it just general freaked-out-ness? If its the latter then you're perfectly normal I think!

My advice - first of all don't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do. Your fears are perfectly understandable. You are not alone in feeling this way. It'd be lovely for you if you felt all earth-mother about the whole thing but if you don't, it's not your fault. Don't compare yourself to other pregnant people / mothers who are more joyful about it, you will only make yourself feel inadequate. I remember wondering why everyone was excited about this pregnancy apart from me, and concluding that I was probably a horrible horrible person.

Don't underestimate the effect of pregnancy hormones and other pregnancy symptoms. I felt like shit for the first 4 months and that made it virtually impossible to be excited or happy. I HATED being pregnant at first! It does get better though. I'm quite delighted with myself nowadays (I'm 27 weeks), and excited about the pregnancy.

And don't look too far ahead. Don't worry about not being able to cope with a baby for example - this sounds trite but people do just cope.

Lastly, talk to your partner. It really does help. If you're freaked out about being pregnancy then it's a lonely place to be.

I think it's normal to question what on earth you're doing when you get pregnant for the first time. It's such a massive step and is totally scary! That said, there's no-one I know with kids who doesn't totally think it's worth it.. I have 3 step-kids and they can be an almighty pain, but I wouldn't be without them. My life has definitely changed for the better by having them in it - and hopefully having my own will be the icing on the cake.

Sorry for the long post - hope it's helpful. Good luck!

SquealyB Mon 01-Oct-12 13:19:31

Hey OP

Did not want to read and run. I am pregnant with DC1, 29 and now 23+3. We also got pregnant very quickly (on honeymoon) and although it was planned it was all quite overwhelming at first. Now I can't wait until January and here is why......

Life is all about change. Yes you are entering a new phase of your life but that is fine. Remember how apprehensive you may have felt when starting college/university/new job and then think about how quickly you adapted to the new routine and just got on with it.

Secondly, the human race have been doing this breeding thing for ever. Most people seem to do a decent job and have fun while doing it. Your life won't be perfect and your baby won't be perfect but that is ok. You are bringing a new person into the world and that is exciting and dauting at the same time. The only thing they really need from you is to love them and take care of them.....the rest of it is pretty peripheral.

There was an amazing thread on here a while back on being worried about becoming a mum.....with some amazing stories on here that made me so excited:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1499573-Worried-about-becoming-a-mum

HTH

BigWhoop Mon 01-Oct-12 13:25:51

It's completely normal. It's a HUGE upheaval which brings with it both amazing rewards and hardships.

Don't worry though - it'll all be fine. You won't enjoy all of it. You won't even enjoy all of the time that they are new and cute and cuddly and everyone is telling you "enjoy every minute"... you won't.

What you can't prepare yourself for however, is just how much you will end up loving your new little bundle, and how resourceful and amazing you will become as a Mum.

Try not to think about the birth - that is 1 day out if your life (2 if unlucky)... you will get through it and wonder why you became so obsessed (you might not be obsessed yet... but you will be!).

Your life is about to change, and that is so very very scary, but ride it and see what happens, you'll probably find you enjoy it smile

terilou87 Mon 01-Oct-12 16:02:22

i felt the same with each one of mine (currently preg with no 4) and each time everything just seemed to fall into place, i think you've just got to get on with each day as it comes and rather than worrying about what lies ahead.
dont feel bad about it. i think at some point everyone feels like it, youll be fine. do something to take your mind off it, shopping always works great for me x x grin

fuchsia01 Mon 01-Oct-12 16:34:04

Oh thank god - I feel exactly the same!!!

I'm 27 and just found out last week that I'm pregnant. No idea how many weeks yet as I've had crazy cycles since coming off the pill in April. This was planned but it feels way too fast - I believed all the books when they said it takes a year on average! Last week I spent two whole days not talking to my poor boyfriend because I was so freaked out by the whole thing, lots of crying, lots of denial and lots of wishing it'd all just go away. I don't really feel scared, just very sad, and feel like I've realised too late how lovely my life already was. I don't want anything to change, I don't want to have to give my spare room over to a baby or share my boyfriend. I thought I wanted this so badly and now I feel like I want anything but this! I feel like an awful person too sad I had no idea I'd react like this, I just don't feel ready all of a sudden and can't picture myself with a bump or a baby! My boyfriend is so sad that I don't seem to even want this baby. I've been waiting to calm down and feel excited but nearly a week on from finding out I'm pregnant and I don't feel any positive emotions about it at all - all I can think of is the inconvenience and how much my life with change and how pissed off I am about feeling so sick already!! I'm so worried what my mum will say and so sad about having to take all that time off from a job I love (and am a bit of a control freak about!)

You're so not alone!!

xx

beannachd Thu 04-Oct-12 19:37:17

Hi, I posted on thus subject too. It's on here, if you google pregnant and scared, I think it comes up. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and feel the same. Although the baby was planned, I am terrified, I have no experience with babies at all, and it's all so overwhelming.

I'm lucky I have a supportive family and friends. I have a midwife appointment so I'll speak to her. I just want to feel happy about this. I feel awful instead. It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by happy, excited pregnant ladies who openly say that they don't understand how I can feel how I do.

I know exactly how you feel. It's always good to talk to other mums and dads.

beannachd Thu 04-Oct-12 19:38:16

Contd...to get an idea how they felt.

You're definately not alone.
Xx

infinitemonkeys Fri 05-Oct-12 11:26:12

Hey OP,

I thought I was the only one! I'm 28, and got pregnant very very quickly, so although it was planned, it was a bit faster than I'd have liked, tbh.

I've had the same "oh shit" feelings on and off, and can totally relate with what fuchsia01 said about not wanting to share her boyfriend or spare room with what feels like some sort of invader. I think pippin is totally right, though - what's helped me is not looking too far into the future, just concentrating on being pregnant rather than the result of the pregnancy iyswim?

Right now, I'm 9+5, so in about 3 weeks I have the nuchal scan thingy, and I'm looking forward to that because it's another milestone I'll have got to - and it marks the beginning of the second trimester, when you're supposed to feel a bit less of a screaming banshee hormonal bitch better.

The hormones don't help, either - I don't know about you, but I'm really irrational right now, sort of like PMS on steroids, and that's probably interfering with my ability to think properly - which might explain why I'm having less than positive thoughts about this pregnancy, when just two months ago it was something I really, really wanted.

You're not alone, and thanks for posting this, because you've helped me see that I'm not a terrible person, and that this is something that others are going through.

mummy2benji Fri 05-Oct-12 17:43:18

Hello! I am 36+6 with second baby (ds is 3 and a half). I don't think anyone ever feels prepared for the start of parenthood - it seems such a scary prospect with enormous responsibility and upheaval to your normal life, plus expense, loss of social life, sleep etc etc!

I can only say that nothing can prepare you for motherhood... and how utterly amazing and wonderful it is. I still look at ds all the time and cannot quite believe that he is my child, and that I made something so perfect and adorable and amazing (sorry for the repeated use of that word!). Yes, life will never be the same again - but my life has been enhanced ten-fold by becoming a mum. My focus used to be much more centred on self, but having ds has made me more unselfish and given me much more enjoyment and fulfillment. Life isn't always easy, it is certainly more complicated, but he gives me delight and happiness every day. You will feel the same about your ds / dd when they come along smile so try not to worry that you'll mke a hash of everything - statistically, you're no less likely to than the rest of us! ;) x

beannachd Fri 05-Oct-12 19:09:48

Thank you mummy2benji. Reading lovely posts like that make me personally feel a little less scared. It really means a lot to hear something so positive and wonderful. X

LimeLeafLizard Fri 05-Oct-12 19:39:58

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I felt exactly the same when I was pregnant with my first. He is now 8 and I am pg with DC4. I'm sure it is a perfectly normal response to a life changing event, so you've no need to feel guilty.

I couldn't have imagined back then just how much I had to learn about pregnancy, birth, and parenting... and I know there is still much more to come! The good news is, there is lots of time to get used to the idea and to prepare. I wish I'd had MN back then - there is so much useful info accessible online now, which I'm sure will really help you.

What sort of support do you have in RL to help you adjust to the idea? Maybe at 11 weeks you haven't told many people yet?

halloweeneyqueeney Fri 05-Oct-12 20:50:18

I felt the same with my first, the transition from the ability to be care free to always having something to worry about going round in your head is called becomming a mum.. the fear doesn't go away, there's constantly things to worry about once you become a mother (or mother to be) that are so much bigger than yourself, but it is joined by lots of joy when you watch your child growing and learning

its okay, its quite normal, and you don't have to love being pregnant to be grateful that you're having a child either

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