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just want to cry now.

(52 Posts)
cbd Wed 05-Sep-12 21:01:03

i'm sat at home on my own bored and brain going into overdrive and won't switch off. just wish i could curl up into a ball and disappear for a little while now, as i cant seem to find any light at the end of the tunnel right now. been back at hospital today to see my healthy lifestyle midwife, and the meeting didnt go well as i just ended up crying throughout, while we spoke at whats been happening with baby and at home. home life is not good as i'm now have children's services involved again as i'm struggling to cope with life, i've got no income as i'm currently going through an appeal with jobcentre, so no money means no food and nothing for when baby arrives. i'm living off food handouts from the community larder and i'm hating my self for it as i cant work to earn money but jobcentre are refusing me help. i'm now having to wait for a phone call from the supervisior of midwives to phone me as she has now taken on my complaint and file to help sort out a plan of care for me and baby as nothing has been done about it yet. this is 2nd preg and my DS arrived 1 week early and was ast labour so been told chances are this one will be early and even quicker. told DP earlier that I could do with a cuddle as not feeling good, and he's gone and made plans to go friend to a lasses house to watch a movie and have take-out. i only found out when she came round here asking what he would like her to order. so i'm stuck at home bored and feeling like crap.
sorry for the long post just feeling fed up now and what everything to be over.

AGiraffeOnTheDivingBoard Wed 05-Sep-12 21:16:30

cbd none of that sounds very good. Do you have anyone in RL you can rely on and talk to? Can you see your GP tomorrow to talk about the fact you are feeling overwhelmed and under supported? Maybe they can hurry MW along?

Rowanhart Wed 05-Sep-12 21:24:33

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Firstly do you have food for DS?

Secondly, where are you as may be able to offer some agencies who can help.

cbd Wed 05-Sep-12 21:49:21

got enough food to give DS breakfast in the morning, i've got a larder voucher from the children's centre but cant use that till friday afternoon, the local community larder only opens on tuesdays and fridays. I've got a family support worker thats trying to organize a TAC meeting (whatever that is), i've been to the dr recently and they passed me on to crisis team who have referred me to archway centre for support and counselling.
Rowanhart i live in Lincoln

phoenixrose314 Thu 06-Sep-12 05:58:11

I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to find somebody who is willing to give you the support, encouragement and understand that you obviously need at this difficult time. It sounds to me that your DP is struggling with this all already and therefore unable to give you the support you need - do you have any good friends, or family perhaps, who would be able to help you out when baby arrives? I know family are a pain sometimes but in times like this they can really come through.

There will bean agency out there who can help you, you just need to find it. Hopefully your midwife will be able to help provide for you and your child until you can get back on your feet financially.

cbd Thu 06-Sep-12 09:01:25

Hi phoenixrose,
I didn't really have any close friends that I would feel comfortable talking to about any of this, the so-called friends i do have tend to bitch talk behind your back. So i never tell them anything confidential. As for family I have asked them for help but get the same response nearly every time, that they too busy with work to be able and can't really take time off as they wouldn't get paid.

Elsqueak Thu 06-Sep-12 09:39:29

So sorry you are feeling so alone and vulnerable and you don't feel your family and friends are there for you. As for your DP, sounds like he's in denial and is literally hiding from the situation and leaving you to hold the fort.
That must be awful and hurtful for you.

It's good you've got some outside support coming. Counselling sounds a good opportunity to off load and clear your head - I hope it can help you.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more helpful to add but I didn't want to read and run as you sound so down.

Lovelylace Thu 06-Sep-12 12:12:56

is DP working, can you not get him to use his money to buy food for you and your son rather than spending it on take aways...you must try to talk to him and make him understand that you both must work together to change the situation and make it as good as you possibly can now with a new baby on the way.
If you have a child already, surely the council must help you with a home and food vouchers, or benefits towards food? The situation doesent sound good and I really wish i could come with some more constructive help but I am really not sure what help there is to get out there, but maybe a citiszen advice bureau would be a good place to start? What is your profession? as you are pregnant now there maybe no point in trying to go for interviews etc right now, but you can always start preparing for when baby is a bit older and you possibly could go back working part time?

zeldapinwheel Thu 06-Sep-12 13:45:37

Why is your DP not contributing?

Also, why get yourself pregnant again if you're struggling to feed yourself and DC already?

NoLogo Thu 06-Sep-12 13:50:29

"get yourself pregnant again" Zelda hmm. It takes two to conceive: one does not get oneself pregnant

rockandahardplace2012 Thu 06-Sep-12 13:50:35

My thoughts exactly zelda hmm sorry to sound harsh but its just common sense, if you cant feed your other child how on earth are to going to feed a newborn baby?

zeldapinwheel Thu 06-Sep-12 14:11:46

Ok, I take that point on board so I'll rephrase the question.

If your already struggling why did you and DP make the decision to conceive a child?

Rowanhart Thu 06-Sep-12 14:15:36

I'm sure OP feels bad enough without these kinds of unhelpful comments.

No need to make her feel more crap,ey? Let's try and be constructive rather than attack her for things she can't change now....

mumnosGOLDisbest Thu 06-Sep-12 14:30:34

not everyone 'decides' to get pregnant and circumstances can change really quickly. i can't believe anyone csn be as mean as to kick someone so down sad

What do you need for your baby and how old is ds? Did you save any of DSs baby things? Maybe i or someone else can help as i know how hard life can be but am lucky enough to have supportive friends and family. theres a great thread on here where people are giving away things they nolonger need. ill link ot later, think ots in chat.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 06-Sep-12 15:10:55

TAC meeting means "team around the child" - basically all the relevant professionals get together and work out a plan to meet your DC's needs. It shows they are taking your problems seriously. Hope that it all works out.

Ignore those who are saying why did you get pg again. Life doesn't always pan out how you think it will.

mumnosGOLDisbest Thu 06-Sep-12 16:07:00

Try here:
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1551636-I-have-that-I-dont-need-would-you-like-it

mumnosGOLDisbest Thu 06-Sep-12 16:07:48

or here even:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1551636-I-have-that-I-dont-need-would-you-like-it

cbd Thu 06-Sep-12 21:33:12

Firstly It wasn't planned pregnancy i've been told since 16 yrs old i'd need 'help' t fall preg eg IVF treatment as i have no eggs so dont blame me for falling preg wasn;t planned it was complete surprise but dont like the sound of abortion, plus at the time money wasn't an issue. coucil and jobcentre have stopped my money which i curently seeking help with an appeal. dp isn't working currently but looking plus he cares for me 24/7 and my son as we both have seizures. my first son is from a rape that happened 4 year ago from an ex so all his stuff got sold when i started fresh. thank you to those of you that are been supportive i was always told never judge a book by its cover.

aamia Thu 06-Sep-12 22:22:06

How about contacting your local churches, esp in your parish? A lot of churches have food banks/money set aside to help local people in need, and would be able to provide you with food and some help towards things for the baby.

mumnosGOLDisbest Fri 07-Sep-12 02:19:28

cbd my dd is 7 months now so i have lots of vests and babygrows you could have if that would help? i'm sure i also have some of ds clothes which would fit your ds. Do you know if you're having a dd or ds this time?

cbd Fri 07-Sep-12 18:57:44

I've had it confirmed 3 times now that I'm having a little girl, as I've had no end of scan and still got at least another 2 scans coming up before 40weeks. as she could be very poorly.
Thank you mumnosGOLDisbest, it would be very helpful. would you like anything for them.
Also been told today that DP mite be entitled to Carers's Allowance and if he can get it, he may be given a back payment for a year as thats when he moved in as a full time carer for me and my son. Been to Children's centre today and they said they can give me a food voucher every tuesday and friday for the food bank so i can feed us all each week until money is sorted out.

mumnosGOLDisbest Fri 07-Sep-12 21:19:08

it sounds like things are looking up for you smile i don't want anything for them just glad you can make use of them. Is your ds 4 (think i saw that on another post)? i'll pm you for your address when ive sorted them.

cbd Fri 07-Sep-12 21:39:17

Yes he just turned 4, but can still fit into 3 yr old clothing. Thank you hun it means a lot to me.

mumnosGOLDisbest Fri 07-Sep-12 21:43:07

more than welcome. this could very easily have been us not so long ago. you just put your energy into your ds and pg smile

cbd Fri 07-Sep-12 21:48:53

thank you hun I am trying really hard, i'm putting the majority of my focus on pg as my baby could be really poorly wen born as it is showing on scans that both kidneys and the bladder are not working very well.

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