Work issues and being a mum

[NewbieMTB]

Hello - not sure if this should be in pregnancy or parenting but here goes. I need to sound off. I have a lovely 3 year old daughter and currently am pregnant with twins due Nov 2012. My employer has been difficult since trying to return to work after my daughter (had to get a lawyer involved to get job back) and it is now two months before my expected mat leave is due to start has kicked off saying I don't do my contracted hours. As I have got bigger with the twin pregnancy I have slowed down so getting to work has taken me longer and sometimes I encounter bus / rail issues which add to the problem of getting into work on time. I only have to be in the office two days a week after much haggling with my boss back in 2010/11 and the rest I work from home. I try as much as I can to be on time but I have never made it in for 9am (since returning in 2010) as per my contract and my employer has chosen now to suggest revising my hours. Am furious about the whole thing. They have never been very supportive of me having to pick my daughter up etc and in the past have deducted holiday when I have had to take time off to look after her due to illness. Basically they have made it as hard as possible to work for them and constantly tell me I don?t meet expectations. What has got me down the most is that I have come to realise that it really is impossible to work and have a family. I.e. returning to work after the twins will be impossible with my current employer and financially not viable. I am so sad that these effectively will be my last two months of work and then I will be a full time mum. Don't get me wrong there is nothing bad about being a full time mum. I think am just devastated to come to terms with the impossibility of doing either job (work or mum) properly if you want to hold on to some form of career. I feel I should be happier that the decision is being made for me and I can concentrate ion babies and being a mum but feel cheated. Am I being illogical? I think I need some positives about this all. I feel becoming a full time mum I will just be absorbed and loose any identity I ever had. Also I don?t find the mum part that easy. I always feel am never giving enough attention or being patient enough or just enjoying my little girl. On the days I have to go into the office there is a stand off for everything from getting dressed to breakfast to leaving the house. I dropped my little girl off today with a red blotchy face (from crying most of the way to nursery) to still get in ?late? and get told by my employer that we need to consider revising my hours. I guess it wouldn?t matter so much, an hour here of there but I hardly make loads of cash from doing this job, I have never had a pay rise or bonus nor will ever get one, so effectively I am just being priced out of a job.

Does any of this make sense to anyone?

[SecretCermonials]

Sounds like you are better off out of the place tbh, sounds stressful. WRT being late, im sorry they do have you there if you are contracted for start and finish times they can insist you be there, making up hours is a discretionary thing AFAIK.
WRT pay unless they are paying you less than a colleague doing the same job or you can prove others have had a bonus and you havent then again there isnt much you can do.
WRT being a SAHM if you really dont want to not work could you get a job around your partners hours?
Its hard I know when you feel victimised but it really does sound like you'd be happier else where anyway.

[NewbieMTB]

Your right, i would be better off out of the place ... I just can't seem to get over the injustice of it all - or at least what i feel is injustice. Perhaps i owe it to my little girl and soon to arrive babies to just concentrate on them for a while. Not sure why i am so scared at this prospect.

[SecretCermonials]

Believe me the way you feel is natural, im feeling very similar, been treated awfully by my employer, ive resigned myself to keeping my head down until maternity starts, but i was also very angry. I think what helps me is knowing that it makes them shit people not me.

Re SAHM its a big step im also a but daunted although financially i will have to seek other work, its a bug responsibility in some ways filling your days and coping! Its scaring me and im only having one (also have toddler DS) so id say your well within your rights to feel a bit daunted

[lolo99]

tricky one and I am sure it is so difficult juggling. Being late in my job however is just 'never going to be ok' regardless if I had 5 children to drop off and 3 trains to catch, live 3 miles away or 30 miles away. If I am late, my class would have no teacher-end of.

It means i will have to find a nursery that does early drop-off and I won't have a partner to help with that (i will be a single mum in Feb) but I believe if you know 100% that you cannot be late, then you just have to find ways and leave earlier and actually you are never late because that is not an option. 3 lates and we would be on a warning unless it was an emergency. Maybe get another job that can offer flexi-hours. As you said, the pay isn't great so there isn't much to encourage you to stay there. Good luck!

[carrielou2007]

I do think that being late us unacceptable in the workplace. You do have to work things out in the mornings, I do not mean to make that sound harsh as we all have to do it. I have to drop my son off to CM, my daughter to school breakfast club and get to work all in opposite directions just like everyone else. If you are finding it difficult then I think your employer is being reasonable to ask you if you would want to change your hours? I know that us not want you want to hear but your a contract us thd same for everyone, regardless of their personal situation.

[Treats]

I totally sympathise with the way you feel OP. In a similar boat - I have a three year old and am expecting another (although only one, AFAIK!)

My employer is a bit more understanding wrt lateness but I can relate to how hard it is to get a toddler to nursery and yourself to work on time AND having to leave on time to do pickup. It's really hard.

Would it be possible to look for another job while you're on mat leave? I feel the same as you about working - i don't want to be a SAHM either. I'm intending to take a good look at all my options while I'm off and take a completely fresh look at childcare, work, commuting, the lot. Outside the straitjacket of your current job, you might get a completely fresh perspective.

With twins, in particular, the cost of daycare is going to be prohibitive, so maybe it will be worth looking at a nanny? It will be cheaper than three lots of daycare costs. It will also remove the issue of getting them all out of the house in the morning and in needing to rush to get back by a certain time. Obviously nannies are only possible above a certain level of salary.......

[NewbieMTB]

Carrielou..... i get what your saying about hours, i am a little calmer now and understand what was being said BUT I think i just feel that i am being cheated by my employeer assesing my hours two months before mat leave starts when actually as time goes on it is getting a bit more difficult for me to get in - effectively forcing me to go on early Mat leave (i only get SMP) which is what i was trying to avoid. I also feel that doesn't really set up me up very well for if i tried to return after twins. Basically they will enforce the hours knowing i can't meet them and I will have to quit. Also am angry at myself for losingmy temper with them - frustation got the better of me today!

[NattyCraig]

To be honest I don't think it's acceptable to have never been on time since starting back at work in 2010, surely you find a way to make it happen or you speak with your employer and amend your working hours to start later / leave later.

Sounds like you hate it anyway, take your maternity then leave and find something else that fits betetr with you.

x

[NewbieMTB]

Sorry - to clarify. I told my employer from day one upon return of mat leave that 9am was not going to work. They claimed then that 10mins here or there they could turn a blind eye to. This morning I had issues with the train that made me late and although I will make up the time from home apparently I am not setting a good example for others in the office... its a catch 22 all the way ...

[HappyCamel]

To be honest I'd say you are better off out of there. There are fantastic family friendly employers who are flexible and understanding and manage by results rather than tick boxing but not many of them. I think paying for childcare for three would make most families need a parent to stay home, although you may find an au pair or live out nanny/private childminder cost effective.

Maybe take the time to dream about what you'd rather do. Could you be self employed or do short term contracts to break up being at home? I'm planning on doing that latter, we'll only break even when I work but if I can get the odd temp contract I'll keep my skills up to date and get the chance to enjoy working and then enjoying being with the kids again, I think it'll get a bit monotonous as a SAHM, but then I'm a driven person.