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Pregnant after a miscarriage, as the bumps get bigger we get braver, 1st,2nd or 3rd trimester, reasurance and hand holding aplenty!

(987 Posts)
StateofConfusion Wed 22-Aug-12 22:27:11

Before the first thread fills and locks a 2nd thread for us getting braver!

elliejjtiny Thu 22-Nov-12 22:37:14

So sorry Cad. I hope your body makes lots of progress on its own before your induction.

Countmyblessings Fri 23-Nov-12 00:08:00

Oh no Cad - I am totally sorry for what you are going through!
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family x
Sorry just doesn't sound like enough right now!

millimurphy Fri 23-Nov-12 06:02:05

Sorry Cad - terrible news for you. Don't know what else to say - it all seems so inadequate. Hope the induction is over as quickly as possible. Thinking of you and your family. Xxx

Cadmum Fri 23-Nov-12 07:05:45

This morning has been an exercise in patience. We arrived at the hospital at 9:40 to find confusion and nobody expecting me. Blood drawn and canula in at 11:00 followed by more waiting for a room and then more waiting for misoprostol... Finally inserted one hour ago and bleeding has SLOWED?!?

I hope we are not waiting late into the evening. (It is already 2pm here.)

001001 Fri 23-Nov-12 07:58:36

Cad I saw further upthread that you are not in the UK so can't advise on procedure, although them not expecting you is pretty shit, just to let you know that I am thinking of you and we are here through the day if you need extra support x

Cadmum Fri 23-Nov-12 08:59:24

Thanks 001001. I should not be grumbling about waiting but I was surprised because I am in a private hospital. I will never grumble about public health care in Canada or the NHS again...

(I have had this medical procedure twice before. The first time, in Canada, it went too quickly and the second time, in the UK, it took about 6 hours.)

I think that fear and uncertainty are a big factor this time. The language barrier is a challenge that I anticipated but the cultural differences less so. Nobody seems to understand why I might be slightly upset. It is as though I was never pregnant and am just here to bleed heavily and then go home...

001001 Fri 23-Nov-12 09:32:45

Sorry, I thought your previous mcs were before 12 weeks so assumed d&c, it is so unfair that this keeps happening to you. Do you have any friends who are native speakers who could come in and get some questions answered? I found staff in the UK very sympathetic, can't imagine having it treated as routine :-(

AlphaBeta82 Fri 23-Nov-12 10:20:42

Oh Cad I am so sorry to hear your news, I hope today goes as well as it can for you, thinking of you.

On my own panic today I am so nervous about my scan on monday, I've been struggling to find HB with my doppler (got it a couple of times) but if I have got it right I think it is too slow. Have packed doppler away now as don't feel it is helping me!v

wellies I haven't found a period of time yet when I don't worry about my 22 mth old ds!! Worth every moment though!! grin

Cadmum Fri 23-Nov-12 10:21:42

My losses were at 19 weeks, 13 weeks (d&c X2) 16.5 weeks (twins with retained placenta) AND 21 weeks requiring a c-section with a vertical incision because of placenta previa..

All tests (beginning after 3rd loss) inconclusive or negative. Various reasons suggested but no obvious reasons found.

Feel free to tell me that I am an IDIOT for trying again... Somehow my 6 year old dd2 survived with the low dose of aspirin so I (we) was (were) foolishly optimistic.

WLmum Fri 23-Nov-12 10:52:59

Oh cad that sounds just so hideous. To be treated as routine is awful, I was upset by lack of sympathy with earlier mcs but for you that's just unacceptable. Wish there was something I could do or say, but keep posting to distract yourself it helps and I'll offer lots of virtual hand holding. X

StateofConfusion Fri 23-Nov-12 11:08:12

Oh cad sending you loads of love and support, when you get home give your dd a huge cuddle and rest as much as you can. Xxx

Cadmum Fri 23-Nov-12 13:24:34

Thanks again for the support. Perplexingly, the bleeding has slowed to a virtual stop. I also appear to have a low-grade fever.

alphabeta I know exactly how stressful it is not to be able to find the heartbeat. It happened a fair few times when I was expecting dd2. I am glad that you have put the Doppler away. I thought about renting one for this pregnancy but then it occurred to me that it only offers reassurance for a brief moment if the heartbeat is found but loads of stress when it isn't. I also could not come up with a plan for what to do in the event that it was way too high; way too low or impossible to find despite repeated attempts.

I resigned to the idea that my Ob history is not typical enough for my advice to apply to other expectant mum's but in my experience, the Doppler causes more stress than it alleviates.

I am happy to handhold until Monday. Your odds are very, very good once a heartbeat has been detected.

AlphaBeta82 Fri 23-Nov-12 13:32:24

Thank you Cad, in light of what you are going through that is such a lovely offer of support and amazing strength. I've been lucky and had scans every 2 weeks since 6 weeks due to my history (last one at 10 weeks) and each one has been fine, as well as all losses have been before 9 weeks so I really shouldn't be worrying as much as I am, but can't help it.

i am so sorry for what you are going through Cad especially with being so far away and in another country. Xx

Cadmum Fri 23-Nov-12 13:43:27

alphabeta << entends hand>> I am happy to hand hold.

Never apologize for worrying. I also had scans every two weeks with dd2 and with the baby (Timothy) we lost at 21 weeks. Both times my bp and heart rate were so elevated that the consultants questioned if I might have an underlying medical issue: OF COURSE I DID: I was paranoid that my baby might die. Last time my fear was justified and the consultant acted amazed and very remorseful because he never understood why I was so stressed.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time when that is too much.

001001 Sat 24-Nov-12 13:47:47

Alpha Monday must seem a long way away but I hope all is ok. Glad you have put the Doppler away as it can't change an outcome anyway and can cause so much stress. Let us know how you get on, fx.

Cad, how did you get on? Hope all is as ok as it can be given the circumstances

WLmum Sat 24-Nov-12 18:28:00

alpha that's exactly why I resisted the (strong)urge to get a Doppler. Try not to worry, and hope Monday comes quickly for you.

StateofConfusion Sun 25-Nov-12 09:45:09

Morning all!

How's everyone doing? I'm 36wks now, was plodding along nicely until a funny turn yesterday, not sure what that was all about hmm felt awful though.

WLmum Sun 25-Nov-12 09:53:39

Oo er state, have you been doing too much? I had to cancel what was probably going to be my last night out last night as I was just too exhausted. Have been doing too much but finally on the way to getting ready for this baby (am 36.5 weeks) - picked up new (to us) car yesterday so everyone will be able to fit in and found the bag of 0-3 months neutral clothes - they are in the machine as I type - can't believe my big uns were ever that weeny! Not sure that this one will fit in them though as I'm measuring so big - nearly 40cm already although no-one but me seems concerned.

Cadmum Sun 25-Nov-12 10:15:18

Thinking of you and hoping your scan goes well alphabeta.

backwardpossom Sun 25-Nov-12 12:08:19

Just catching up here, Cad I'm so sorry, how are you doing? Alpha will be thinking of you tomorrow. State 36 weeks eek! Rest up, sounds like you need to try and relax a bit. WLmum yay to new car and clothes grin

AFM, 25+2 today, had a rubbish day yesterday. Felt like poo, ate too much dinner, was very uncomfortable, had mega heartburn etc. On the plus side, because I couldn't do very much apart from sit on my ass and feel sorry for myself, I got loads more of my 'breastfeeding snuggles blanket' (as I've called it) crocheted. I also bought some new wool to make some wee vest things for putting on over the babygros as I figure it'll still be quite chilly up here in March. Have a midwife appointment on Tuesday and then my next appointment is with my consultant on the 18th (I think it is) of December to sort out my section date.

AlphaBeta82 Sun 25-Nov-12 12:49:49

Thanks Cad, how are you doing today? And thanks to all for support.
Still very anxious about tomorrow but stupidly couldn't resist one more try with doppler and this time after about 15mins of searching got a perfet, strong, fast heartbeat which has reassured me. I've now packed it away and instructed DH to put dppler in the loft! xx

Countmyblessings Sun 25-Nov-12 14:28:02

Cad - how are today? I do pray that you are well! ( as well as you can) my heart feels so heavy with the words " why does this happen" I really can't imagine how your feeling and your DH!!
I have not lost a baby as late as you so not in a place to offer words of comfort!! Just hearing that it can all go wrong so far in a pregnancy is just awful! As things have been bought and you include this baby in your future plans!
To all the lovely ladies on here offering words of comfort and hand holding I find this just so lovely and shows we women are much stronger then we sometimes think!
1 second,1 minute,1 hour at a time! in grieving or
in being pregnancy or TTC again!!!
Hugs to all x

WLmum Sun 25-Nov-12 22:04:10

Well said count, here here!

Cadmum Mon 26-Nov-12 06:35:12

Thank you again for the virtual support.

I am back home and feeling utterly miserable but this is standard for day 3 even with a baby...

alphabeta thinking of you and your scan today. I must have been seriously mixed up yesterday about time and date...

WLmum Mon 26-Nov-12 09:59:00

cad glad you're home, but so sorry it's without the baby, it must be utterly heartbreaking. Like count I can only imagine. Allow yourself to feel miserable, you have every right. You'll know when it's time to try to get on. So wish there was something I could do or say. Big virtual hug. X

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