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Do you find you get offered a seat on the train?

(50 Posts)
Londonmrss Mon 11-Jun-12 15:16:26

This morning on the tube, a really old fellow got on- so I offered my seat to him (figured he needed it more than me, he looked a bit wobbly)... Plenty of people saw, and yet no one then offered me their seat even though I’m obviously pregnant!

Just wondering if anyone has any observations on this. I live in London and commute every day in the rush hour, so I have a Baby on Board badge and these are the generalisations I would make so far, based purely on what I’ve observed in the last few months (I’m 20 weeks preggo now).

1)Generally someone will offer me a seat. Very occasionally I have been left standing, but more often than not someone will oblige.
2)For those who are interested in London-centric ideas- I find I am more likely to be offered a seat on the Northern or Central line than the DLR.
3)City boys in suits are the most likely to see me, pretend they haven’t and then go back to fannying around with their Blackberries.
4)Generally people in their 20s always offer a seat, in their 30s usually offer… and the most likely group to see and ignore me are the over 40s. So anyone who says young people have no manners can sod off.

Have previously been shocked and shouted at entire carriages of people for ignoring a pregnant woman- but I really feel less able to say anything now it’s me! But only a couple of times have I been left standing for the whole journey anyway- and if so, it has been very pointedly, I’m afraid.

Anyone else got any observations? I’m just interested.

Thechick Mon 11-Jun-12 15:25:09

I haven't been offered. I have an obvious bump but I'm not wearing my badge yet, I'm 17 weeks. I have to take the overhead train everyday and people just look at the bump and then look away.

CherryCheesecake Mon 11-Jun-12 15:27:13

I never got offered through out my entire pregnancy, I live in a small town too.

FluffyJawsOfDoom Mon 11-Jun-12 15:47:48

I'm 23 weeks and got offered a seat on the bus by a 30-something woman when it was hot a few weeks ago. That was after being forced to stand waiting for the bus for half an hour while a bunch of 40-something Italian tourists monopolised the only bench by using it to put their suitcases on hmm

sammyleh Mon 11-Jun-12 15:51:27

I'm 21 weeks and didn't even get offered a seat at my anomoly scan in the waiting room. All seats were taken by Dads and mums of teenage daughters going in for their scan! I was really shocked! Even more so when my other half joined me and said loud enough for them to hear 'nice to see someone's offered you their seat love' still nobody offered.

FluffyJawsOfDoom Mon 11-Jun-12 16:01:12

shock sammy!

Hpbp Mon 11-Jun-12 16:04:03

I was once offered a seat by an 80 year old lady in London... I just could not accept the offer. Someone else stood up after I declined the old lady's offer. Strangely enough, it is mostly men who offer their seat when they do. Some of them look fearful though of making a mistake and get slapped. Women are worse, I am 34 weeks and nobody can really miss my bump, it is just as if I had a round well inflated balloon under my top.
I think that I will ask for a seat as the pg progresses because I now really feel tired.

BionicEmu Mon 11-Jun-12 16:04:07

I live in a village but commute 25 miles into my nearest city to work at the hospital. Due to lack of on-site parking most staff have to park at the park-and-ride and get the free shuttle bus to the hospital. When I was pregnant last time it was hellish. I ended up stood up for the 20 min bus ride. Most of the other passengers were doctors, nurses, midwives, HCAs etc and they all pointedly ignored me and my huge bump and busied themselves with their phones or books! In the end I couldn't cope with the bus ride so DH went 40 miles out of his way to drop me off and pick me up.

sammyleh Mon 11-Jun-12 16:04:12

Shocking isn't it?! you know, I had totally forgotten about it with the excitement of finding out everything was well and I'm having a little girl. This thread just reminded me and now I'm mad! Its a sign of the times of where I live sadly, decency has clearly gone out of the window.

HeyMicky Mon 11-Jun-12 16:09:46

Londonmrss I just ask. People are rude.

I always, always give up my seat for people older and more pregnant than I am. So when I really need to sit, I ask someone. It's usually someone in the disabled/elderly seat (who doesn't fall into either of those categories) but I'll often menace some teens on the bus, especially those under 16 who are riding for free.

I just ask politely 'Excuse me, do you mind if I sat down? We're both a bit tired' and indicate the bump. Someone is usually shamed out of their seat.

ditsygem Mon 11-Jun-12 16:19:00

I'm in London too and I wear my badge when I know I will be on busy packed trains. I find it tends to be women in their 20's that offer me a seat if I do get offered one.
I agree its city boys that see me, pretend not to and go back to their phones or pretending to sleep most often - and its usually them set in priority seats!
I'm not brave enough to ask for a seat, but the badge helps at least.
I do find it strange - i would never ignore someone who needed a seat more then me!

Ellellie Mon 11-Jun-12 16:19:10

When I was pregnant, I was travelling home from work and couldn't get a seat (was about 30weeks) I just stood and waited out until someone got off. At the next stop someone did make the move to get off and another standing woman looked at the soon to be empty seat, then at me and proceeded to take the seat when the person got off!

In another incident at 34 weeks, I'd stood up to get off the bus (fair enough it was moving and I should have known better but...) a guy in his mid-40's was trying to get past me to a seat at the back of the bus. The guy stood on my foot trying to barge past me just as the bus jolted to a halt for some traffic lights. Cue guy flying into me and knocking me into the seat behind. Not even so much as a "sorry" or "are you ok?" he just continued on his quest for a seat. Needless to say I called him some choice names very loudly down the phone to my DP (was on hands free)

This was in Leeds.

DuckWaddle Mon 11-Jun-12 16:21:43

I've generally found people offer me a seat on the tube but never overland trains! I don't wear a badge and it's only recently that I've properly started showing. Im my experience it Seems the best at giving up their seats are late 20s/early thirties women. Saying that I always get offered a seat by 20-30 year old blokes on the Waterloo line. Middle aged men seem the worst!

SiioCal Mon 11-Jun-12 16:22:22

I have never been offered a seat either . Im 20 weeks now but I have no bump to see yet so not expecting any offers now (except in the mat unit sammy!!) but my last pregnancy was before I could drive and remember having to stand loads of times !! The fact that people don't treat me with the same common decency I would treat them with really frustrates me.

Clarella Mon 11-Jun-12 16:25:33

Oh my god there really is a badge?! Is actually though about making one, mainly for cycling but am looking at trains for womad and worrying about seats etc on the way back! I'll be 22 weeks and doubt ill have much of an obvious bump so a badge is going to be ideal! Luckily normally I can either cycle or drive to work (when I have too much stuff to carry in panniers! Teacher) and cycle everywhere else. Is there an actual cycle badge? Or do I toddle off to dragons den?!

Londonmrss Mon 11-Jun-12 16:34:13

Clarella You can get a badge in any manned tube station if you're in London!

I'm actually quite shocked at all the negative stories- obviously we've all had it at one point or another (I was once elbowed out of the way by a woman rushing to the seat.... because she needed to sit down to put her mascara on), but I'm surprised that some people find that they are never offered a seat!

How can those people live with themselves? I just couldn't ignore someone like that, I would hate myself.

Not sure about a cycle one- I used to cycle in London every day but just haven't dared since being pregnant- I was warned against contact sports and cycling can be just that!

Clarella Mon 11-Jun-12 16:42:14

Drat. I don't think the Newcastle metro does them. Doubt its as much of an issue up here to the tube though. I've always given the priority seat myself and its always pretty empty outside rush hour luckily. I'm also lucky to mostly cycle through quiet suburbs and hedge lined back lanes and the cycle routes into town are very good. I wouldn't do it in London! Still sometimes get total nobs who try to over take you to turn left though.

susitwoshoes Mon 11-Jun-12 16:42:42

I remember young men being the most attentive, to the point they would get upset on my behalf if I wasn't offered a seat. The other thing that I found was that, once you're really far on, there's no point in being offered a seat that doesn't have a pole next to it, cos you can't hoick yourself up out of the seat without it.

However, TBH, I'd leave getting annoyed about this till you are a bit further along. At the moment you are simply one of many people on the tube who will be feeling knackered and dead on your feet and want a seat. I think being on the tube with hideous period pain or (self-induced I know) a hangover to be far worse than 20 weeks pregnant, and nobody offers you a seat then! And it's possible, unless you have a very pronounced bump, that people may be worried that they might insult you by assuming you're pregnant rather than have eaten all the pies a bit of a tummy. I know that I've had to ponder this, and have ended up not wanting to offend.

Bartimosaurus Mon 11-Jun-12 16:50:16

I had mixed experiences. I started changing my habits (going in earlier, leaving earlier, not getting on the most popular carriage) and targeting the priority seats.

I never got up the courage to ask for a seat though. Although several times someone else asked for me! smile

Businessmen were definitely the worst. Middle-aged women were the best. And the most surprising was the sulky teenager complete with headphones and skateboard who literally leapt from his seat to offer it to me.

On another day I wore a maternity top which I thought made me look huge. DH said I was being silly. I got on the metro and THREE people jumped up to offer me their seats blush.

Now when I have a seat I always scan everyone who gets on to see if someone needs it more than me (I'm always exhausted 'cos DS has reflux and still wakes every 3 hours so I feel I do need it) and I love offering my seat to pregnant women, makes me feel like I've done a good deed. Only once did I feel uncertain as the woman glared at me, to the point where I wondered if she really was pregnant (I'm 99% sure she was), but as she was very pale and clammy I figured that she probably felt crap, whether or not she was pregnant!

Bonnyone Mon 11-Jun-12 16:56:12

I am often left standing on tube. It's infuriating as at 34 weeks you cant miss me or my badge!! The other day a guy on my train said "I suppose you want to sit down". Yes Mr Arsehole I do actually ( of course I didn't say that and politely agreed to his 'offer'). A couple of weeks ago I gave up my seat for another pregnant lady who had a bigger bump than me- we did the who "no you sit" dance for a while and still no one offered!! On the other hand I'm currently sitting in the guard's area on my south west train home as the lovely (female!) guard took pity on my as I was being shoved around when attempting to board a packed train!! There are lovely people around!! smile

SimplySoo Mon 11-Jun-12 17:01:46

luckily I only rarely use the tube, but I have the badge and it has the occasions it hasn't and i'm left standing, i'm always too embarrassed to ask someone because they might have an invisible disability and need the seat too! The only time I had confidence to ask was to a boy in his school uniform on the bus.

shouldIbecrossaboutthis Mon 11-Jun-12 17:12:59

Not tube related but possibly similar.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant, last week I went out for a friends 30th birthday party to quite a posh restaurant. I still have random bouts of sickness but mainly I can control it and I only eat little meals. I wouldn't normally go, but as it was my friends 30th, I basically made myself.

Anyway I felt queasy so I went to the bathroom just incase. There was a queue of about 6 women and 2 toilets occupied. I waited in the line gradually feeling more and more queasy and it got to the point where there were two people waiting and I asked the lady at the front,"excuse me, would you mind letting me go next, I'm pregnant and have terrible sickness and I really don't want to be sick in the sink". Even just speaking to her took all of my skills not to be sick there and then.

She said NO!! And that I would have to wait my turn like everyone else, and that she was pregnant once and never once needed to "push in". About 3 minutes after this she went into the toilet and I had to vomit into the sink with 5/6 women looking on. I was mortified & raging (internally) at the horrible woman.

sammyleh Mon 11-Jun-12 17:16:17

shouldIbecrossaboutthis that is awful! what a horrible woman. I hope she went on to have an crap night!

neshi Mon 11-Jun-12 17:27:14

I'm very often left standing on the tube if I don't speak up...mind you I'm 34 weeks and have a massive bump!!!!! It's so shocking!!
If there is no seat available and no one offers one I just go to the priority seats and ask them to move...they have to!
What shocks me even more is that normally, the offers I get are always from women...rude guys out there!!!!!

Mooney1 Mon 11-Jun-12 17:32:35

Am 26 weeks just been on hot stuffy northern line and felt faint so asked 2 middle aged men for a seat. One totally ignored me even though I tapped him and the other shouted at me. I HAVE CANCER - what do you say to that ???

Now on equally packed and equally delayed overground and for first time my badge has come out and I'm sat in first class. I'm not been sheepish no more!!!!!

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