Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

I don't want to tell anyone I'm pregnant!

(22 Posts)
feesh Wed 06-Jun-12 12:48:07

I know this sounds really weird, but having managed to keep this pregnancy to myself up to now (11 weeks) I am really not looking forward to sharing with people next week after my 12 week scan.

But I feel like our parents should know, at the very least. We live overseas so we are going to have to tell them over Skype.

I just don't want my Mum to bring any of her usual negativity to the situation - even though she is quite good at controlling herself, she is a negative person generally and things will slip out occasionally (e.g. sarky comments about me not knowing what's coming etc etc).

At the last scan at least, we were expecting twins (fraternal) and in fact there was an empty 3rd sac as well, so in my mind it already feels like 'something' has already gone wrong because of that.

Also, I really feel like as soon as people know, it will 'jinx' it (I am stupidly superstitious sometimes).

I still have a really bad feeling that I am going to be carrying a disabled child - no real reason except just a stupid worry I guess.

It also just feels really personal and not something I want to share with the world.

Please help me get my head around it in the next week! I know I don't have to tell anyone, but our parents would be so hurt if we kept it from them much longer, and I really have to start telling friends over here soon as it's becoming pretty obvious!

ShowOfHands Wed 06-Jun-12 12:52:03

I didn't tell anybody I was pg with ds. I just waited for them to cotton on. In fact when I put some pics of newborn ds on facebook for overseas relatives to see, a lot of people were shocked as they had no idea I was even pregnant.

It's your body and your pregnancy. I felt v uncomfortable discussing it. So I didn't. Nobody was miffed afaik.

Cheekychops84 Wed 06-Jun-12 12:57:19

I felt like this with all 3 of my pregnancies , but after I told them it was actually a relief ! It was like a weight had been lifted and I felt that they can deal with the news however they like now. If your mum is negative maybe jus try and think it's because she cares, you never know she may be kind of expecting it to happen anytime soon anyway ?

It took me until 22 weeks to tell my employer and my heart was literally banging when I was telling her and she was so lovely and really kind to me so it just b nerves. It is nice just you knowing as of course when you start telling people it's oh was it planned? Are you having anymore etc like jeez let me jus enjoy it would you lol ! Hood luck ! I'm sure your mum will be pleased for you x

AdventuresWithVoles Wed 06-Jun-12 12:57:31

With DC4 I didn't tell hardly anyone; just didn't want to share it with most people (misery guts). It did screw up some travel plans for some of family, though, I regret that.

Cheekychops84 Wed 06-Jun-12 13:00:43

Show of hands , I still have a few ppl who have only just realised and I'm now 32 weeks think they must have been thinking my goodness she put on weight

violetlights Wed 06-Jun-12 13:36:35

I was exactly the same! (Am now 22 weeks).

For some reason I was stressed out by the whole thing (and I hear you on the whole mother/negativity thing). But when I did tell my large family (at 13 weeks, in person, all at once), it was a relief. They were all manically excited and totally supportive (neither of which I was expecting). All I can say is that it gets easier telling people and for your private matter to become public. I still haven't 'shared' on FB but have let certain people know who are important to me. The rest will figure it out by the time baby pictures come along...! Good luck with telling your parents, and remember they might not react in the way you expect. Mine didn't... grin

Lora1982 Wed 06-Jun-12 13:40:15

i was planning on just telling those who had to know and letting everyone else think id got really fat

lovechoc Wed 06-Jun-12 13:42:34

I did this with my second DC. I did not tell anyone and people had to ask or figure it out for themselves.....

I was more interested in waiting until I had DC rather than broadcasting the pregnancy.

lovechoc Wed 06-Jun-12 13:43:14

I think I was well into 24-26 weeks before many found out...

SaggyCeratops Wed 06-Jun-12 16:38:49

If you don't want to tell, then don't tell. There's nothing wrong with waiting until your mind is at rest.

WhenDoISleep Wed 06-Jun-12 17:03:04

With Ds2, I told my DSis after our scan and then my DParents in person at about 15 weeks. I told one friend at about the same time but didn't tell anyone else - just waited until they asked, which nobody really did until 30+ weeks. In fact, my next door neighbour only realised when I was 37/38 weeks. It did help that I didn't have a bump until about 7 months, just looked like I had got fat again before that.

My feelings were that it is a private thing for me and my family (plus I had no desire to spend 7 months talking pregnancy/babies with everyone).

I think DH told those of his family that he is close to after the anomaly scan, so around 22 weeks.

GnocchiNineDoors Wed 06-Jun-12 17:05:48

Theres no harm in you keeping it to yourself for the forseeable future. You could wait til after the 20wk scan if you would prefer? Some friends of mine didnt know they were expecting til 18weeks so its not outside the realm of possibility for YOU to not even know.

chezziejo Wed 06-Jun-12 19:22:49


I'm currently 16 weeks and family know and that's it. Havnt told anybody at work other than the boss who is hugely irritated that I havnt told anyone. I expect they will cotton on eventually. I don't know why I'm not telling them tho. With ds it was exciting as it was first but not this time. Also high risk downs and have opted out if amnio as it wouldn't make a difference anyway, maybe that's why. It's your choice and do it when your ready xx

mammasiciliana Wed 06-Jun-12 19:28:13

They'll have a long time to love the baby, what's the harm in waiting?

BBisTitanium Wed 06-Jun-12 19:30:49

Im the opposite which is problematic too! I want to tell the world and im only 9 weeks, have already seen heartbeat and felt reassured. the way i see it it is your choice, I've told people as either way i would want them for support, and it makes me happy. If it makes you happy not to say, dont smile

zoobaby Sat 09-Jun-12 10:25:04

We kept it secret until just before the scan, when we told family. Lucky we mentioned it as SIL was planning to visit and would have brought 2 chicken-poxed-to-the-hilt kids with her. So, obviously that visit was quickly postponed. Phew, close call! Telling close family was good, but felt a bit strange with friends. As for work, I felt totally ill at ease with sharing the news. Told my supervisor (only cos I had to) and his indiscretion did the task for me. Was initially miffed that he let it out, but when I realised he saved me from having to do it I was relieved. Haha. Now when someone at work asks a question, and I answer publicly, that gives others the chance to find out without me making any grand announcements. The thing you've gotta be wary of is bloody SIL people putting it on their FB status (like it's any of their business to share the news anyway).

feesh Sat 09-Jun-12 11:10:57

Thanks all. We're going public this coming week after my 12 week scan. My husband has already had to tell one of his colleagues, as they kept inviting us out for Thai food and just the thought of it makes me gag at the moment, so it was getting a bit awkward for him to turn her down twice in a row. I thought I'd be mad at him, but actually it made me smile a bit - I think what it is is that I'm dreading the actual moment of telling people, but I think I will actually be quite relieved once it's done as it's starting to get REALLY obvious to anyone who knows me.

There will be rules - nobody to find out until family have been told. Friends to only be told face to face, on a need to know basis - unfortunately I am going to have to tell everyone soon as I'm expecting twins and it's already pretty obvious and I have already lied to three people who have directly asked me!

Nobody will be allowed to say anything on Facebook and I will delete comments if they mention it.

Wish me luck!

PorkyandBess Sat 09-Jun-12 11:18:53

I waited as long as I could, apart from telling a select few. I managed not to tell my 3 year old until 7 months!

I have friends who tell their older children from the very start. I think almost 9 months is an incomprehensible eternity for most small children.

soveryhard Sat 09-Jun-12 11:23:02

I'm expecting dc4 - I can't face the negative comments I know are coming so I won't be telling anyone until I have to.

LimeLeafLizard Sat 09-Jun-12 22:28:26

Thanks for this thread, I am also worried about telling people. Like soveryhard I am expecting DC4 and I just cba with dealing with other people's opinions on the matter. I will have to tell my close friends sooner than the scan though, as there is no way they won't question why I'm not drinking!

FoxyRoxy Sun 10-Jun-12 01:26:07

I didn't tell most people until after 18 weeks. You don't have any obligation to tell people, even parents. We live overseas as well and in theory I could have hidden it from family for most of my pregnancy but I didn't want to. Tell people when you feel comfortable.

Lara1985 Wed 17-Dec-14 13:13:14

I know this is an old thread , but actually I am in the same situation. I live overseas and we told my parents and will tell my in -laws this week . But I don't feel like telling friends back home. I don't know some kind of superstition . It's silly. My concern is that some if my friends will get offended .

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: