Pregnant friend:-(

[fionabeeb]

One of my friends told me they were pregnant yesterday. Not really a close friend but more an acquaintance within my group of friends. I told everyone last week I was expecting and they were all so thrilled for me. I have had problems with miscarriages in the past and felt really special when they were so happy for me. Now I feel deflated. I feel all confused as to why but it could be because I am so far from admitting this pregnancy will go to term and am convinced hers will so it's like me not being pregnant and finding out someone else is which has always felt like a blow to me. I know it would feel worse if this were the case but I feel terrible now. I am not normally a selfish person but all the happiness and excitement was there for me and now its all for her. We have alot of big events next year where we will all be meeting up. I was looking forward to showing off my bump. It doesn't feel the same anymore.

[Mikocat]

First of all - don't beat yourself up about it, it's a very hormonal time and sometimes you get almost irrationally upset about things that wouldn't normally bother you.

I was a little bit like this when a colleague fell pregnant a week after me, I was a little bit childishly peeved at someone else for grabbing the attention when I was meant to be 'the pregnant one'. Now I'm not bothered at all, in fact it's nice to chat to someone who is as interested in pregnancy as you are!

I think that once you've settled down after your 12 weeks it might actually be really nice for you to know someone in your circle who is pregnant too. No matter how good your close friends are - they just are not going to want to talk babies 24/7, whereas the chances are that this lady will!

Congratulations and best of luck with your pregnancy.

[pictish]

I too think your resentful feelings will settle down soon enough. You've got a pregnancy buddy - that's brilliant, even if it doesn't feel like that today.

[Haziedoll]

I think you are anxious. Pregnancy can be a stressful time. If you were really selfish you wouldn't be feeling guilty for feeling how you feel now.

[Pancakeflipper]

It's hormones fionabeeb, don't worry yourself about it, shrug your sillies off and not overthink it. The excitement is not all for her. Excitement is not a set amount that can only be given to 1 person at a time. People will be please for you both.

I think in time you will get to like having someone pregnant at the same as you. Find out the times for things like aqua aerobics and go together.

Lots of luck, hope it goes really well for you.

[Enfyshedd]

Found out last week that one of the blokes on my team is due to be a dad a week after I'm due. Can't help feeling just that little bit like someone's jumped on my bandwagon, but also that I'm glad that it isn't another woman on the team who's expecting.

[xmasmummytobe]

I've had similar feelings, once we announced our pregnancy lot of friends and some family announced theirs, I'm not kidding there were 7 couples (I think, just counting) due this month and next. I did feel worried that if things didn't work out I'd have to see all these people with their pregnancies and babies and also felt it wasn't as special anymore.

It's not ended up like that at all, it's been wonderful to know so many women in the same situation. Pregnancy buddies have been great to bitch to and talk through the scary stuff with complete understanding.

Congratulations and best of luck

[Emsgale]

hello
when I feel pregnant with my first we told everyone before I was 12 weeks a few days before my first scan witch was late due to boking in appt being late my sis in law came round showing her scan pictures to me I was so upsett she had showed me I wanted my scan picture to be the first I saw! it actually has been very hard noy to compare and feel jeleous,then they were born hers first a girl 24th feb 6lb13 then mine girl 27th feb 6lb11 and they get compared all the time very hard my lityle girl dodnt gain weight list alit breast feeding failed then her daughter breast fed like a dream and gained weight like no tomorrow but now there nearly 2 there very different but It can.cause friction as there little girl is very rough and hurts my daughter alot but she cries if a child looks at her snd they run to her major panicbut they dont like to disipline my daughters very gentle and takes alot dosent hit back or hurt any children but she has been much.more foward in everything so I suppose theres advantages and disadvantages but they do seem to love eachother and enjoy seeing eachother so the closness is very sweet.
I think if your feeling guilt then that proves your not selfish st all what your feeling is hormones and normal envy.
ems xx

[geekette]

I feel for you Fionabeeb.

Never had a miscarriage but if I have one now it will knock me sideways! You are permitted a few dark thoughts. Just don't dwell on it too much as it could be coming from a mix of so many different emotions, hormones and past grudges. It is like after having a drink, it isn't really you talking.

Hopefully with time, you will get to see your acquaintance as a birth partner and get something positive out of it!

[DizzyKipper]

I understand how you're feeling. SIL told us she was pregnant before me and OH had even announced our pregnancy to the family. She's 6 weeks behind us. We've had a rough year (my dad died just before our wedding at the same time as a massive family blow out causing a lot of issues between the 2 families, subsequent miscarriage and numerous financial issues that have cropped up throughout the year). In some ways it feels as though life is determined not to go right for us, and hearing of her pregnancy just felt as though it was condemning ours. We've gotten used to the cruelty in life and somewhere in the back of my head is a little voice saying of course it's not going to go right for us, of course it's going to go wrong and this felt so much more inevitable once we heard her news. I still can't let myself go and relax now, even though I'm 14weeks tomorrow and should be starting to feel more comfortable.

I don't feel quite the same way now as I did when I first found out, I can see the benefit to our child of having a little cousin and also the possibility to grow closer to my SIL through having babies at the same time. Give yourself time, accept your feelings now for what they are and don't be too hard on yourself, it's natural to have these kind of feelings when you've been through difficult times. But that doesn't mean you'll feel this way forever, and you may be able to start to see the benefits to your situation soon enough as well.

[Velvetcu]

fiona I know how you feel, I had an mc last year and wanted to show off my bump etc. I was gutted when my sister announced 6 weeks later she was pregnant with her second. However, as your bump
expands you really won't care that much about what anyone else is doing and once your baby is here (dd is now 10 weeks) they will be the centre of your universe so you won't really notice people popping around you!