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BFP but MC last time

(9 Posts)
belindarose Sat 22-Oct-11 08:45:58

I had an early MC in June (9 weeks) and got a BFP yesterday. Just have a feeling of anxiety, no interest or excitement. Told DH of course, but don't want to tell anyone else. Going to the PILs for the week and it was there I had the MC last time!

Oh well, should be pleased I suppose.

MyGoldenNotebook Sat 22-Oct-11 09:08:34

Hi Belinda - Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy!

However, it's understadable that you feel the way you do. The lack of interest you are feeling in undoubtebly your mind's way of trying to protect you from more hurt. This will be an anxious few months for you but you must be gentle with yourself.

I am also newly pregnant (5ish weeks) and I'm trying not to get too excited as best friend had an MC at 5ish weeks about a month ago.

I'm not telling many people in real life (although said best friend guessed at a wedding I was at yesterday - my decoy glass of wine clearly didn't fool her :-) She was so lovely about it :-( ) but plan to come on here for handholding.

The ubiquitous un-mumsnetty hug from me.

How far along are you? Four weeks?

MyGoldenNotebook Sat 22-Oct-11 09:09:10

God how many typos? blush

KatAndKit Sat 22-Oct-11 09:13:20

Congratulations smile

It's normal to have mixed feelings at this stage. it's sort of like a self defence mechanism as you are worried about getting your hopes up and being let down again. I'm afraid for me it was like that until very recently, certainly up to the 12 week scan. Slowly but surely, especially when you get past 9 weeks, you will feel more positive about it.
have you though about an early scan at 8-9 weeks for reassurance? That really does help some people, especially when the scan is around the point when they miscarried last time, and they can see that things are going well this time.

All the best for a healthy, very sticky, and happy pregnancy for you. Over on conception there is a board called "freak out room" for women who are newly pregnant after a miscarriage. It's very supportive and a good place to talk about all your worries.

belindarose Sat 22-Oct-11 09:20:14

Thanks guys. I'll check out 'freak out room' too.

BedatHogwarts Sat 22-Oct-11 10:20:17

There's a good book called 'Overcoming Anxiety' by Helen Kennerley that explains reasons for anxiety, and ways to reduce it.

I was in the same position as you earlier this year, coupled with bleeding throughout the first trimester which was incredibly scary. I'm now almost 40 weeks preg and feeling much more positive, but the things that helped me throughout the pregnancy were...
Talking to lots of people in RL. It's surprising how many people have had a mc and gone on to have healthy DCs.
Asking for a referral to an additional support midwife, who has more time to go through your feelings and worries.
Keep away from threads on mumsnet about mc and pregnancy problems (except the support threads) as they make problems seem much more common than they actually are.
Do whatever you can to 'normalise' pregnancy - go to antenatal classes, pregnancy yoga, 'bumps' groups, read Emma's Diary and other pregnancy books etc.

Good luck!! smile

Minus273 Sat 22-Oct-11 10:23:37

I fell pregnant with dd a few weeks after a MC, I would say what you are feeling is entirely normal. I was scared to get excited and nervous about situations that reminded me about the MC (even though I knew they were not the cause).

Congratulations, sending you good vibes.

Crosshair Sat 22-Oct-11 10:25:41

Congratulations!

Very normal and understandable. My first pregnancy ended at 5 weeks and I became pregnant again stright away even though we obviously had sex but wasnt really trying.

I did feel rather detached and couldnt get excited, I started feeling alot better after the 12 week scan. Hope things go well for you.

morethemerrier Sat 22-Oct-11 11:00:06

Hi Belindarose,

Congrats on your BFP x

I too had an early miscarriage in March this year,which was a massive shock as it was my 4th pregnancy having never had any problems before.

I am now 16 weeks pregnant with DC4 and am still very anxious, I think it lessens as you get further on but you replace early anxieties with others! Its only natural as having suffered a loss you are very aware of how things ended last time.

When I got this BFP I couldnt stop crying, and up until the 12 week mark was waiting for something to go wrong. As someone else suggested you could push for an early scan, my LA doesn't offer reassurance scan so my GP referred me as I was having some right hand side pain at the 8 week mark.

It was nice to see everything was as it should but the niggling doubts still remained and even after my 12 dating scan (which brought me a week further on than expected!) I still cant enjoy it as much as I have in the past.

What I will say though is that I have more understanding and realise that things were obviously not as they should have been for that particular pregnancy, I used to avoid MC or problem threads through fear of somehow 'jinxing' my pregnancy. hmm

Which I now realise is ridiculous as we really have no control and I take some comfort in my more rational moments that allows me to relax during this pregnancy that nothing I did caused my MC. It just wasn't as it should have been.

But that was that pregnancy, I guess what I am trying to say is that as people esp midwives like telling us every pregnancy is different and so please allow yourself some moments in the next few weeks to come to terms with your loss and look forward to this pregnancy.

Dont miss out on your special journey through fear of something of which is out of our hands. Your anxiety can be equally balanced by allowing yourself to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy.

I hope things go well for you x grin

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